Why do children shout loudly when they encounter something? Don’t forget to cultivate this ability!

Click on the blue text to follow the three benefits of our suffering: firstly, people who endure and overcome hardships are often more resilient; Secondly, through suffering, those who suffer are more closely connected with their family and friends, and their relationships are deeper. The inspiration and strength gained from this will last for several years; Thirdly, suffering changes the priority and outlook on life—— Timothy Keller, we often encounter a kind of child in our lives who gets angry and shouts at the slightest unpleasant thing. Many times, adults may think it’s a matter of emotional management, but they actually overlook the cultivation of a key ability in children. I remember when my child first learned to walk and fell, he would immediately try to stand up, fall again, and sometimes cry when it hurt, but wrestling itself is not a problem. No child would give up learning to walk because they are afraid of falling. However, we often forget that children’s lives also require ‘wrestling’. Parents are reluctant to let their children experience “wrestling” on the road of growth, let alone actively train them to “wrestling”. We make every effort to provide our children with the most comprehensive protection. I’m afraid of freezing when I’m cold, afraid of malnutrition when I’m hungry, afraid of my child being wronged when I cry, and even afraid of my child getting angry, afraid that my child won’t be happy every day. But those children raised in the palm of their hands seem to be becoming more and more “glass hearted”. Finally, one day, we couldn’t help but complain that our children were too emotional and fragile, but we didn’t realize that perhaps the problem was with ourselves. One of the rarest abilities in life is “psychological resilience”, also known as “resilience”. The English word is “resilience”, and some scholars have translated it as “repair power”, “resilience”, “resistance”, etc. Norman Garmezy, a developmental psychologist and clinical physician at the University of Minnesota, was the first person to study this concept in an experimental context. He visited many schools, especially those in economically disadvantaged areas, in search of children who were in dire circumstances but could grow up healthy. It was found that some children, despite experiencing extremely difficult situations, have strong resistance to stress, which enables them to achieve success beyond most people. His research suggests that the reason why these children’s life trajectories may change may be due to some “lucky” factors, such as the appearance of a caregiver or teacher who can support and encourage them. But more importantly, they can gradually learn from their experiences to view everything they go through with a ‘different perspective’, thus becoming more proactive in responding to difficulties and pressures. And this internal transformation played a decisive role. Garmezy’s research has changed the psychological community’s view of child development, and the trait possessed by these children is called “resilience”. Some people say that resilience is the most rare ability of most of us contemporary. Because it is an ability that not only endures adversity, but also recovers from trauma, and even becomes stronger than before after recovery. Why don’t children have resilience? Life is nine out of ten unhappy. Although it is a clich é, many people are not mentally prepared for it, resulting in being helpless when faced with pressure and forgetting to ask themselves when asking questions. Children nowadays are in an era of abundant material resources, with many being held in their hands and held in their mouths from birth, afraid of falling or melting. Some things that children should experience during their growth process are also unconsciously taken care of by adults. Children who have already started kindergarten still have their mouths open for food and their clothes stretched out for them. It is even common for adults to run around the house chasing after them just to feed. I started studying a little older and achieving excellent grades became the top priority for my family. Children don’t have to do anything else besides studying, and even reading is not their own business, it’s the crystallization of a family’s wisdom. In the process of being constantly replaced, many children have not experienced the struggle of not being able to get what they want to eat into their mouths, nor have they experienced the embarrassment of forgetting important things because they did not pack their bags. Being satisfied in the first place “and” my dictionary has not failed “are the norm, and children find it difficult to know what waiting and patience are, and rarely feel what it feels like to achieve their goals after encountering various failures. Excuse me, is this what you want to give to your child? A child begins to understand and recognize the laws of the world through continuous interaction with adults in their daily lives. Is it a world that needs to constantly grow, or a world where everything is ready for it and everything is in line with my heart? Is it a real world or a world that we overly protect? I need you and I to fill out this answer ourselves. How to hit a ball that doesn’t touch the ground to generate rebound force? Who can guarantee that this ball will defy the gravity of the Earth and forever float in the air? How to cultivate children’s resilience? Since children’s resilience can only be learned through practical experience, what should parents do as their first life coaches? Face reality and embrace all uncertainty with your child, Diana Kutu mentioned in his book “Facing Difficulties: The Code of Resilience” that one of the characteristics of resilience is to face reality directly. Resilience ultimately lies in our ability to remain calm in the face of unexpected events. As we grow older, we realize that there are more things beyond our control. Life is sometimes more exciting than TV dramas. Everyone has their own favorite script, but when the “director” of life gives you another script, can we still joyfully perform our best selves? If a family plans to go camping and have a picnic on the weekend for a long time, but they encounter a rainstorm that day, is this a time to complain together, or can it become an opportunity to talk and play happily at home? Bravely accepting and embracing the unexpected not only gives us wisdom to face challenges and difficulties, but also teaches children to experience gratitude in everything, rather than seeing themselves as the center of the universe. Let children experience and experience more possibilities in life. When children were young, if parents provided them with various foods as much as possible, their taste buds would develop more fully. When we allow children’s hands to touch different things safely, the more effectively their brains can be stimulated. A child who is brave enough to experience the various possibilities of life, their adaptation
The ability will be much stronger. As children grow up, parents should create an environment and sometimes even give them a little push to help them step out of their comfort zone. Can you try not to stay in high-end star rated hotels during your next trip, so that your child knows that it’s not “not a must stay”. Alternatively, accompany your child to participate in a sport they have never tried before, and experience the challenge and joy from it. I still remember when I was a sophomore, I went to participate in a summer social practice project and we went to a national poverty-stricken village. For the first time in my life, I realized that many things that I took for granted in my life were like dreams in other people’s lives that could not be touched. This experience greatly opened up a lot of my knowledge and made me deeply realize that I have always lived in grace. Allowing children to experience and feel a life completely different from their own habits from a young age is actually training their resilience in life. Helping children find who they are and their mission is that those truly resilient children are those who deeply know who they are. Even after experiencing many failures and difficulties, a child who still believes in their own value and is loved will treat all hardships as gifts in life. Because he believed that these were just tools for carving himself, all “blessings with makeup on”. This is actually what Garmezy called ‘another perspective’. If a child knows from a young age that the meaning of their existence lies not in their physical abilities, but in themselves, they are not easily defeated but gain confidence through their experiences. So the starting point of resilience is for children to know who they are, and the endpoint of this journey is the mission and meaning of life. When a child is connected to their mission, their sense of happiness and ability to help others increase, while also gaining stronger resilience. So, true and complete resilience belongs to those who understand why they are alive and full of hope. May we and our children become such people, so that after experiencing this life, we can boast about our hardships and have a fulfilling and victorious life! It is normal for children to have negative emotions when facing various challenges and hardships at the end, but education should not only focus on children’s emotions. It is more important to help children accept setbacks through experiences and learn to stand up again in grace.