▲ There is a teenage child at home. Click on the card above and follow with one click. My son is 13 years old and has just started junior high school.
In recent months, I have noticed a significant decline in his academic performance, which is completely different from his elementary school days.
During elementary school, my son’s grades have always been good because he has developed good study habits since childhood.
He takes the initiative to do homework and is not afraid of exams, which saves me a lot of trouble. Although occasionally he may be playful and procrastinate, overall, he is a good child who is willing to learn.
When he entered junior high school, I thought he would maintain excellent grades like before. But his performance has been getting worse and worse, which worries and confuses me: every day when he comes home from school, he is unwilling to do homework and procrastinates whenever he can.
When I asked him to read and study, he would shout ‘tired’, feel sleepy, and clearly resist. His learning efficiency has also significantly decreased.
He can procrastinate for two hours on assignments that he could finish in half an hour. My attention is not focused either.
On the surface, I am studying, but when I make some noise in the living room, he always asks me a few questions.
What makes me even angrier is that he doesn’t want me to ask about the school. I want to know what today’s homework is and what I did at school during the day.
My son just gave a perfunctory reply and then got angry and refused to speak. Either hide back in the room and refuse to communicate with me.
I was once worried that my son might have encountered something at school. After asking the teacher, I found out that although my son was listless in class, he was very active during breaks.
Chatting and playing with classmates, I was enthusiastic, but when I had class, I wilted again. After listening to the teacher’s lecture, I was even angrier.
I can see that he is lazy. He didn’t learn well during adolescence and dared to make me dislike learning.
So, I increased the supervision and made him stay alert, not allowing his son to be lazy and indulgent.
But with my intervention, my son’s rebellious emotions surged and his aversion to learning became even stronger.
I said one sentence, he said the top ten, and when he was in a bad mood, he didn’t even do his homework well.
My son’s scores have been very poor for several consecutive morning tests. After the teacher posted it on the parent group, I was so angry that I had no time to go to work.
I’m holding a fire in my heart, I really want to never care about him again. Love how. But when I calm down, I realize that I must correct it as soon as possible.
If I really don’t care about him and continue to be so tired of learning, what if my son’s studies are completely finished.
But what makes me anxious is that I keep talking and not listening, and I can’t control myself. I really don’t understand what’s wrong with my son.
With doubts in mind, I embarked on the path of learning, almost every day reading books and videos on adolescent education to understand the reasons why children are averse to learning and rebellious.
It wasn’t until I saw a concept: psychological fatigue that I finally got the hang of it. In fact, sudden aversion to learning in adolescent children is often caused by psychological fatigue.
The so-called psychological fatigue refers to the phenomenon of psychological exhaustion caused by excessive mental labor, overly tense brain nerves, and prolonged engagement in a single job.
Children with psychological fatigue generally exhibit the following symptoms: 1. They do not like going to school and do not want to see their teachers.
Every time before school, they complain about “stomach pain” and “headache”. 2. I don’t want to do homework, and whenever I read a book, I feel sleepy.
3. I can’t concentrate, even though I’m reading and learning on the surface, I can’t really ‘read and learn’.
4. Not willing to let adults get involved in academic matters, either remain silent, become agitated, or change the topic.
5. I often lack energy in class, but after class, I am particularly active and always say that studying is too tiring and I don’t have time to rest.
Nowadays, due to the internal competition in the educational environment and excessive academic pressure, many children have developed a certain degree of psychological fatigue.
Not only middle school students, high school students, but even elementary school students, it is a common phenomenon.
Psychological fatigue is similar to a state of disinterest in learning, but it is not equivalent to disinterest in learning.
It is a prelude to disinterest in learning, and if not detected, corrected, and alleviated in a timely manner, it will accumulate deeper in the child’s heart.
Over time, it will accumulate and form an irreversible aversion to learning. There are many factors that can easily lead to psychological fatigue in children, but the two most common ones are learning difficulties.
When children feel that learning is difficult, stressful, fiercely competitive, and powerless, they will lose confidence and develop feelings of giving up and escaping.
The second is encountering setbacks. For example, failing an exam, being criticized by a teacher, and so on can cause children to suffer setbacks and have a low mood.
My son is like that. Just entered junior high school, he didn’t quite adapt to the sudden increase in learning intensity.
He always complained about having too much homework and the teacher giving lectures quickly when he got home.
My recent exam results have not been ideal, and coupled with my questioning and criticism, my son’s emotions have plummeted.
He doesn’t like to talk when he comes home, and he’s completely different from before. I understand that my son’s declining state is caused by psychological fatigue, and I have decided to immediately start making changes to avoid causing genuine aversion to learning, which would be difficult to reverse.
I have adopted three effective methods to alleviate children’s psychological fatigue, and the results have also proven to be very effective.
The specific method is as follows. I suggest you calm down and take a careful look, which will definitely be helpful to you.
031. Help children relieve stress, evaluate and recognize them from multiple dimensions, and avoid “judging heroes based on scores”.
In today’s educational environment, scores and rankings can be used as standards to measure a child’s excellence.
Parents also consciously force their children to participate, hoping that they can achieve results from it.
In such an atmosphere, children are inevitably affected. Even if he doesn’t say anything or refute, he will judge himself based on his ranking in his heart.
Every time he fails an exam, it exacerbates his inner frustration, damages his self-esteem and confidence.
Long term exposure to a stressful environment can leave even adults exhausted, let alone children whose physical and mental development is not yet fully developed.
So, parents need to help their children relieve stress and make them understand that parents value more than just academic performance and grades.
For example, in terms of physical health, athletic ability, helping others, being positive and proactive, hobbies and interests, parents will pay attention to your growth.
My son has loved sports since he was young. I am skilled in badminton, swimming, and football, and I am a sports expert.
Although I also support him in exercising, I am afraid that he may lose interest and delay his studies, so I always control his exercise time.
Sometimes when I don’t do well in exams, I even angrily refuse his request to go out and play basketball, thinking that he is too playful and not focused on studying.
But now, I not only taught him my updated educational ideas, but also personally enrolled him in badminton and basketball classes.
As long as he wants to go, I try my best to take him there and encourage him to sweat and release stress.
I told him: In the past, Mom
Although I care about your grades, it doesn’t mean I don’t care about your interests and hobbies.
I just didn’t figure it out for a while, but now that I’ve figured it out, how meaningful is it to score so many rankings.
Nothing is as important as your physical and mental health. Next, I will work harder on myself and save more money for you.
Isn’t that better than forcing you. My son was very happy and joked with me, ‘Mom, it would be great if you had figured it out earlier.
‘ Although that was the case, after all, the pace of class and the amount of homework were there, and my son didn’t play basketball recklessly.
But I can clearly see that my son has less pressure, more positive emotions, and a more relaxed and confident mindset when studying.
2. Guide children to make more “vertical comparisons” and observe their own growth and progress. Whether in school or work, competition is inevitable.
So, the pressure on children cannot be completely eliminated just by a few words of comfort from parents.
As long as there are exams and further education, comparison and pressure are always present. This requires parents to guide and cultivate their children’s ability to withstand pressure.
This is not only beneficial for the mental health of adolescent children, but also lays a solid foundation for their future struggles.
Before, I used to like to compare my son to my classmates in class: You always shout that you’re tired from studying all day, look at who you are, why don’t they feel tired.
You scored high this time, haven’t you made much progress yet. Look at your class, overall you did better than last time.
Through repeated comparisons, I severely dampened my son’s enthusiasm for learning, and his learning experience remained poor, eventually leading to fatigue and disinterest in learning.
Now, I have also started to pay attention to my son’s own growth, guiding him to view his own growth vertically – comparing his current self with his past self, and gaining pleasure from self-improvement.
I told my son that in life, we are the only ones present. We should not compare ourselves with others, but rather make more vertical comparisons, comparing ourselves with the past.
I also shared my life story with him: when I was a child, my family was not well-off, and my classmates were basically better off in food and clothing than me.
At that time, I was very envious and blamed my parents in my heart. Especially at that time, there was a popular chocolate bread stick that my classmates often ate, but I only had it once in a while.
But as I went to high school and college, I grew up and increasingly understood the difficulties of being a parent.
The birth environment is something that no one can change, but it can only determine the first 20 years of life.
No matter how free their snacks are, they are still present. As long as I work hard and improve myself every day, I can buy whatever I want in the future.
Looking back now, I have achieved it and also been able to create better living conditions for my own children.
Compared to the past, I feel a great sense of achievement and have not let down my childhood self who envied others.
My son was very touched after listening to it. Through my growth experience and the life I am creating now, I truly made him feel what vertical comparison is, as well as its value and significance.
3. Guide children to clarify “phased small goals”, so that they can regain confidence and eliminate psychological fatigue in the sense of achievement of achieving their goals.
In fact, every child desires to stand out in exams and become the dark horse praised by everyone. However, children often think too much and do too little, wasting their energy in indecision and internal friction all day long.
We can help children analyze their own strengths and weaknesses, clarify small goals for each stage, and then allocate efforts reasonably to each stage, so that children can gain a sense of achievement in the process of achieving each stage goal.
In this way, children can quickly regain their confidence and eliminate the fatigue in their hearts. My son also admitted that he always fantasized about being able to make a name for himself in exams, but he seemed to be no smarter than others and couldn’t compare to them, which made him feel particularly frustrated.
He just wanted to escape and lost confidence in himself. I told him that your expectations for yourself are too high, progress is a gradual process, and goals need to be achieved bit by bit.
How about we start by improving our ranking by 5 places first. My son nodded. Then, we further decomposed how many points we need to improve by 5 places in the exam, and how many points we need to achieve in each subject.
After clarifying the goal of my efforts, I guided my son to confirm: Is this goal what you really want now.
Are you willing to make down-to-earth efforts for it. What do you plan to do every night, every week, and on weekends to achieve this goal.
By breaking down the goals, it is equivalent to reducing the difficulty of the task from the outside, making the elusive word ‘effort’ clearer, and also allowing the son to clarify his current direction of effort, making the goal of progress concrete in front of him.
With my guidance and my son’s efforts, his learning status quickly recovered and his grades significantly improved.
Every day when he goes to and from school, his son is energetic and full of the youthful vigor of a teenage boy.
The child who used to be dejected, lethargic, and disinterested in learning is gone forever. The teacher also gave me the feedback I was looking forward to.
She said that her son is like a different person now, with goals and a willingness to work hard. She is very optimistic about her son’s performance in the third year of junior high school.
As a mother, what could be more exciting and comforting than a teacher praising her child. Adolescence is short, but its duration is long.
Pulling your son back from the path of disinterest in learning, I want to tell the parents that when your child reaches puberty and suddenly becomes disinterested and rebellious, with a lot of problems, don’t rush to suppress or give up.
Sometimes, the problem really isn’t with the child. The key to solving this problem often lies in the hands of parents, as long as we are willing to learn and grow in order to provide better guidance for our children.
If your child also experiences aversion to learning, lying flat, not wanting to study, not wanting to work hard, giving up on themselves, being addicted to their phone all day, getting angry when it comes to studying, not liking school, not liking teachers, not liking classmates, and wanting to take leave every few days You can come to me for a chat, and I will analyze your child’s problems with you, give you some effective advice, and do my best to help you and your child.
Let’s have a detailed conversation with the teacher and light up the ‘watching’. May our children get better and our families and lives become happier.
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