When I no longer say ‘correct nonsense’ to my child, her rebellion disappears and her motivation to learn comes back

▲ My family has a teenage child. Click on the card above and follow with one click. My daughter has always been excellent.

In primary and junior high school, she has been at the top of her class for nine years, and almost all of her classmates and parents know her.

During the middle school entrance examination, my daughter was successfully admitted to a key high school and received praise from neighbors and relatives.

But before I could be happy for long, my daughter’s transformation caught me off guard. In the mid-term exam of the first semester of high school, my daughter’s grades declined comprehensively, and she even scored an unprecedented low in mathematics.

I thought it was due to the sudden increase in difficulty in high school, and my daughter couldn’t keep up with the pace.

So I wanted to enroll her in a training and tutoring class over the weekend and work hard to improve her grades.

But her daughter firmly opposed it, saying that there were very few classmates who took remedial classes in high school, so she didn’t go and just read more books and do more exercises on her own.

I couldn’t convince her, so I had to restrain my anxiety and follow my daughter’s method. However, during the final exams, my daughter’s math skills worsened and her class ranking dropped further.

I once again suggest attending math tutoring classes during winter vacation to focus on overcoming this challenge.

But my daughter still refused to go and asked me to practice at home. I am very angry: at first, I didn’t give you a chance, nor did I disrespect your opinion.

But as you can see, with your own efforts, you just can’t learn well. To put it simply, if you had the brain to learn math well, you wouldn’t be unable to improve your grades for six months, would you.

My daughter is indifferent and emotionally agitated: I won’t go, even if you register me, I won’t study.

Looking at her stubborn expression, I couldn’t help but feel angry. When is it that you’re still so unenthusiastic.

During that time, in order to study, my daughter and I frequently argued. I can’t stand her stubbornness, lack of urgency, lack of initiative, and unwillingness to solve problems.

My daughter feels that I am always picky about her because of various trivial matters. Watching my daughter’s learning progress getting less and less online, I am really anxious.

Every day when I come home, I feel restless and upset. That day, my daughter and I had a heated argument over our studies.

Because she is very good at both English and Chinese, but she has to spend a lot of time learning Chinese and English first, while math comes last, and the allocated time is also short.

I pointed out this question: Can you put some effort into mathematics. Learning cannot deceive people, it is not for honing one’s skills.

My daughter turned against me directly and said, ‘Mom, can you keep your mouth shut, even for a day. ‘.

Why do we have to do it according to your wishes. The more you meddle in me, the more annoyed I become, and the less I want to learn.

My kind reminder was completely taken for granted by her. The rebellious words made my lungs explode with anger.

I really want to scold my daughter, but I’m afraid that shouting like this will affect her emotions, so this night will be wasted.

I had to swallow my pride and return to my room. But the daughter persisted and threw herself around the house, venting for a while before finally calming down.

That night, I was in my room, tears streaming down my face uncontrollably, feeling mentally exhausted.

I remembered again that just after a semester, several students at my daughter’s school had already taken a leave of absence due to issues such as disinterest in learning, depression, and anxiety, which made me feel even more uneasy.

My daughter’s current state, especially when she gets angry, is very abnormal. I am really afraid that she will also go down the path of disliking and taking a leave of absence from school.

I couldn’t help but feel anxious and worried again. Why did the once smart and studious child become like this after entering high school.

Bad temper, lack of ambition, stubbornness, aversion to learning and rebellion. During that period, I paid close attention to the content of parent-child education and learned a lot of classes.

It was also during this process that I gradually understood that behind every behavior of a child, there are motives and reasons for their actions.

Only by focusing on understanding them can we truly help children grow. When children exhibit behaviors such as disinterest in learning, talking back, rebellion, and confrontation, parents often believe that the child has a problem.

However, by analyzing the underlying reasons through the behavior of children, it can be found that the root cause lies in the way parents educate and interact.

My daughter’s current behavior is closely related to my strict educational approach. When I was young, every time my daughter didn’t do well in exams or had poor grades, I would take it very seriously and criticize her severely.

If she doesn’t adjust according to my advice, I will be even angrier and find it difficult to control my emotions, venting my anger towards my daughter.

It is precisely because I pay close attention to her studies that my daughter can develop good study habits and lay a solid foundation for her future studies.

So, I was completely unaware of my own problem. Growing up in such an environment since childhood, my daughter also followed suit, imitating my simple and rough emotional and temperamental expressions.

In fact, this is the function of mirror neurons. There is a special type of neuron in the human brain called the mirror neuron, which is like a mirror that allows us to unconsciously imitate others’ behavior when observing them.

So, my daughter gradually developed the same way of venting her temper and emotions as me. As her daughter grew older, she developed her own opinions and was unwilling to obey my commands in everything.

In addition, after entering puberty, children’s emotions fluctuate greatly, and the long-term accumulation of negative emotions can cause them to erupt in various intense ways.

In the eyes of parents, it is about fighting against rebellion. At present, my daughter’s “lying flat” attitude is actually a silent resistance to my strict and excessive parenting style after encountering difficulties and being unable to overcome them.

All the truths we told her were actually equivalent to ‘correct nonsense’, and she understood more than we did.

To eliminate her daughter’s current rebellious emotions and help her regain her learning motivation, the core is to stop the current confrontation and not blame her for not working hard and not making progress.

What she lacks now is not reason or pressure, but the understanding and support of our parents. We need to help our daughter analyze the current challenges and face and overcome them together, instead of me standing on the side of the problem and completely defeating her.

You can follow the following method to do it specifically. 031. Stop blaming and criticizing your child, manage your anxiety well, and become a stable and tolerant parent.

At the beginning, when my daughter started to confront me and her academic performance declined, I became very anxious and anxious.

At that time, I urgently hoped to find a quick and effective method that could be applied immediately to my daughter and solve her problems.

But through learning, I gradually realized that in order to truly solve problems, I must start from myself.

Mastering scientific educational methods is the most crucial step. Because the child is not
Living in a vacuum, her problems are not independent.

But it is related to various factors such as parent-child relationships, daily interactions, and communication methods.

I use my commuting time to work every day and focus on reading and studying in the evening. I have seen many reference cases, and I also write my thoughts on my phone and save them for repeated viewing.

This persisted for a period of time and soon achieved good results. Firstly, with the deepening of my studies, I have gained a deeper understanding of the psychology of teenagers.

Having mastered the underlying logic of education and faced various situations, I am no longer emotionally driven by children, but increasingly able to quickly identify their true psychological needs and discover the essence of problems.

Secondly, because I have spent all my time and attention on myself, constantly absorbing new knowledge and no longer closely monitoring my daughter’s every move, my anxiety has greatly decreased.

My daughter also felt a noticeable change in me, having an independent space without being monitored, and her confrontational emotions gradually decreased.

Sometimes I’m curious and come over to see what I’m doing. It’s strange to say that in the past, I chased after her and she fled.

When I asked, she was annoyed. Now it’s me focusing on doing my own thing, but she has let go of her guard and actively approached me to ‘get close’.

I calmly told her what I was doing and my attitude towards learning, which also won her favor. The parent-child relationship is also gradually being repaired in the process of “turning around”.

Remember one sentence, if you want to change your child, please approach them first, understand them, and accept them.

This is the true prerequisite for guiding your child to change. 2. Before getting close to children, seeing the difficulties they encounter, empathizing with their feelings of frustration, and guiding them to see the possibilities of growth, I used to use a critical and blaming approach to talk to my daughter.

For example, when my daughter learns English first and then writes math, I feel that she shouldn’t do it.

I anxiously remind her to read more math quickly. Don’t you know the importance. When my daughter checks her phone while eating fruit, I also criticize her by saying, ‘Hurry up and finish eating to study, I haven’t done anything for an hour.

‘. Hold on tight. Although I was kind and wanted to remind my daughter to hurry up, she didn’t want to listen and even deliberately opposed me.

At that time, I was so angry that I wished I could slap my daughter a few times. But now I understand that it is precisely because my words are filled with accusations and distrust.

It’s all about commands and orders, making my daughter feel pressured rather than understanding and accepting.

So, I updated my communication style from the bottom emotional level. When I see my daughter playing with her phone again, I don’t rush or nag, but focus on doing my own thing and release a relaxed attitude.

As a result, I found that after about half an hour, my daughter voluntarily put down her phone and went to do her homework.

I secretly sighed in my heart that if I couldn’t hold back and accused her of looking at her phone, she would have to look for an hour to confront me and show her dissatisfaction.

One thing I have always been worried about is that my daughter, who is lagging behind in math, is always unwilling to invest more energy and listen to my opinions.

Previously, I always stared at her, guided her, and made her extremely irritable. Now, I no longer urge preaching, I just express my feelings truthfully and show my trust in her.

When picking up her daughter from school, she casually complained: Is high school math for people to learn.

It’s too difficult. I responded positively: Yes, my mother was most afraid of math when she was in school.

She often ranked first in English and Chinese exams, so she had to look from back to front for math. My daughter smiled and said, ‘Mom, it seems like you can’t blame me anymore.

I’m not good at math, it’s all because of you. ‘. But good English and Chinese are also inherited from you.

I nodded: the power of genes, you can’t resist it. We are both doing well in other subjects, but being held back by mathematics is such a pity.

I didn’t have such good educational resources back then. If there were so many cram schools back then, maybe I could have gone to math, or maybe I would have gone to Tsinghua University.

Daughter laughed heartily: Mom, what are you saying. How much alcohol do you drink, just like this. The atmosphere of the conversation between the mother and daughter is relaxed and pleasant.

After a while, she asked me whether I should attend a tutoring class or not. I didn’t give her direct advice, but gave her a choice: Mom thinks if you self-study, as long as you put in some time and effort, your math grades will definitely improve; If you follow an experienced math teacher for one-on-one tutoring, the efficiency should be higher, after all, the teacher has been researching this for so many years.

This kind of communication expression makes my daughter feel that my mother respects and trusts me. At the same time, it also conveys a message: I believe she is responsible for her choices and has the ability to learn mathematics well.

While respecting her, he clearly expressed his feelings and expectations. In the end, the daughter decided to attend three one-on-one math classes every week, saying, ‘I’ll take a look, what’s going on.

‘ The result also surprised the daughter. With targeted guidance from the teacher, she finally understood her math bottleneck and her grades quickly improved significantly.

Thus, a crisis of adolescent disinterest in learning was successfully resolved. When the needs behind a child’s anger are patiently seen and gently accepted, the child’s anger will be smoothed out.

From being anxious to having no danger, I truly believe that raising children is a two-way journey. Not only do children need to grow up, but parents also need to keep up with the times, update their educational concepts and methods.

Let’s work together~If your child is also tired of learning, lying flat, unwilling to learn, unwilling to work hard, self destructive, addicted to mobile phones all day long, gets angry when it comes to learning, dislikes school, teachers, classmates, and wants to take leave every few days You can come to me for a chat, and I will analyze your child’s problems with you, give you some effective advice, and do my best to help you and your child.

Let’s have a detailed conversation with the teacher and light up the ‘watching’. May our children get better and our families and lives become happier.

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