Terrifying 14 years old, terrifying 17 years old: 3 years into the period of hostility towards relatives

Pay attention to the teenage years, which are the most challenging stage in everyone’s growth process, especially from 14 to 17 years old.

These three years are not only a critical period for children’s self-awareness to gradually form, but also the most tense stage for the relationship between parents and children.

During this period, children are experiencing rapid physiological, psychological, and emotional changes, both yearning for independence and experiencing emotional confusion and turmoil.

As parents, we often feel at a loss, anxious, and even painful during this process, because our children have entered a special stage called the “anti parental period” by psychologists.

1. Psychological changes during adolescence: from dependence to resistance. Children from the age of 14 to 17 are in an important psychological transition period, especially during these three years, their physiology and psychology are undergoing tremendous changes.

As the body matures, children gradually realize that their role in the family is changing, from the “child” who relied on their parents in the past to a “teenager” who begins to seek independence and explore themselves.

The crisis of self-identity is a stage in which children gradually establish their self-identity between the ages of 14 and 17.

They began to reflect on who they were and what kind of person they wanted to become. Adolescent children long to break free from their parents’ constraints, to be independent and explore their own world.

With the enhancement of self-awareness, they often develop a strong aversion to parental intervention and restraint, which is not due to a lack of love for their parents, but rather stems from their exploration of self-identity.

For example, 14-year-old Li Ming (pseudonym) began to show rebellious emotions towards his parents. Previously, he would discuss issues with his parents and accept their opinions, but as he grew older, he gradually began to question his parents’ decisions, believing that their opinions could not represent his own feelings.

Whenever parents express their opinions, he always refutes them by saying, ‘You don’t understand me at all.

‘ This is not a child’s hostility towards their parents, but a manifestation of seeking self independence and wanting to show their own will.

2. Dependence on parents gradually weakens during adolescence, and children’s emotional needs begin to shift.

They no longer need to rely on their parents for a sense of security like they did in childhood, but instead begin to seek emotional support through peers, friends, and social circles.

The role of parents gradually shifts from the child’s mind to that of a “teacher” rather than a “dependent object”.

This change makes the emotional connection between parents and children more distant, and parental discipline and excessive intervention often exacerbate conflicts.

17-year-old Zhang Xue (pseudonym) used to be a very obedient girl, but when she entered high school, she began to rely more on her friends instead of seeking her parents’ approval.

In her view, friends are her emotional support system, while parents become her “monitors” and “restraints” in life.

Whenever her parents discipline her, she impatiently responds, ‘You always control me so much, I can handle it myself.

‘ This behavior is a manifestation of adolescent children trying to break free from their parents’ constraints and pursue independence.

2. Parents’ anxiety during adolescence: powerlessness and excessive intervention. For many parents, children aged 14 to 17 often feel confused and anxious.

Because children at this stage experience significant emotional fluctuations, unpredictable behavior, and are prone to falling into emotional states.

Parents may suddenly notice that their children who were once close to them have become indifferent, rebellious, and sometimes even confront them with hostile eyes.

1. Helpless: As their children gradually become rebellious, many parents begin to feel powerless and unable to manage their children’s behavior through authority, rules, and rewards and punishments as they did when they were young.

Children aged 14 to 17 have a strong desire for control over their parents, making it easy for them to feel powerless.

On the one hand, parents hope that their children will listen to their own opinions, but on the other hand, they realize that their children have already developed the ability to think independently and make decisions.

This contradiction has put many parents in a difficult situation. Xiao Zhang (pseudonym) is a mother whose son Xiao Gang developed a strong aversion to her discipline when he was 14 years old.

Previously, Xiaogang always sought his mother’s help when encountering problems, but now he is increasingly making independent decisions and no longer relying on his mother.

And whenever his mother raised an opinion, he always retorted, ‘You don’t even know me, don’t worry about me.

‘ Xiao Zhang felt very confused. She wanted to continue disciplining her child, but also realized that the child was gradually growing up and seemed to no longer need her to make decisions.

Her anxiety and helplessness gradually accumulated, and the parent-child relationship also became tense.

2. Excessive intervention: Parents’ desire for control. Other parents exhibit excessive intervention behavior, often interfering excessively in their children’s decisions and lives out of fear of them taking a wrong path.

Adolescent children may develop strong resistance under the control of their parents, and they may begin to resist parental intervention, believing that their parents not only do not understand them, but also influence everything in their lives.

17-year-old Li Hua (pseudonym) is a high school senior. Her parents have very high academic requirements for her, arranging her schedule and assigning her study tasks every day.

The excessive intervention of her parents made her feel that she had no freedom at all. Whenever she tried to go out and play with her friends, her parents would say, ‘You should focus on studying and not waste time.

‘ This constant control made Li Hua feel frustrated and angry. She began to develop strong resistance towards her parents, stopped communicating with them, and even buried her dissatisfaction and resentment towards them in her heart.

3. Entering the “anti parental period”: The rift in parent-child relationships. The “anti parental period” refers to the stage in which adolescent children gradually break free from their parents’ dependence, begin to resent and reject their parents’ intervention, and even develop hostile emotions towards their parents.

Children in this stage, especially those aged 14 to 17, show increasing blame and resistance towards their parents, and their parent-child relationship is prone to crisis.

1. Resistance to parental love: Children’s emotional rebellion At this stage, children not only develop aversion to parental control, but also often show resistance to the love expressed by their parents.

Children believe that their parents’ love is’ oppressive ‘, not based on genuine understanding, but rather on the hope that they will live according to their parents’ wishes.

This seemingly rebellious behavior is actually a way for children to find themselves and defend their independence.

For example, 14-year-old Chen Yang (pseudonym) began to become
I am increasingly unwilling to communicate with my parents.

Whenever his parents care about him, he always responds coldly, ‘I don’t need your care. ‘ The parents feel heartbroken, but they also have no way to start.

Chen Yang actually doesn’t hate his parents in his heart, but hopes to have more space and decision-making power of his own.

2. Misunderstandings about parents: Lack of understanding and communication between parents and children often leads to misunderstandings and conflicts after entering the “anti parental period”.

Parents believe that their children’s behavior is rebellion and lack of understanding; But children believe that their parents cannot understand their needs and always put pressure on themselves.

The misunderstanding between parents and children has made the parent-child relationship increasingly tense, and some families have even experienced prolonged emotional barriers as a result.

17-year-old Zhang Yao (pseudonym) often had disputes with her parents after entering her senior year of high school.

Her parents feel that her grades are not good and blame her for not working hard enough; However, Zhang Yao felt that her parents’ criticism was not helpful and instead made her more anxious.

Whenever she confides in her parents about her stress, their response is always, ‘You should have worked harder, you’re not doing well enough.

‘ This lack of effective communication has made Zhang Yao even more isolated from herself, and also made her parents feel helpless and painful.

4. How to Break the ‘Hatred Period’: Establishing a Relationship of Equality and Understanding. Faced with the ‘Hatred Period’ of adolescent children, parents need to realize that their children are not truly hating their parents, but are seeking self-identity and independence through this approach.

In this process, parents need to make some adjustments, adopt a more open and understanding educational approach, avoid excessive interference and control, and learn to establish an equal and trusting relationship with their children.

Respect children’s independence: Parents need to be aware that their children are forming self-identity and should respect their choices and decisions, giving them some space and freedom.

Positive communication: When the parent-child relationship is tense, parents should take the initiative to communicate with their children, patiently listen to their voices, rather than judging their children’s behavior solely from their own perspective.

Providing moderate care: Although adolescent children may exhibit resistance, parental care and support remain an indispensable force in their growth.

The key is to express care in a more rational and equal way, rather than excessive intervention or pressure.

The age range of 14 to 17 is a period full of challenges and changes, and it is a transitional period for children from dependence to independence.

At this stage, parents need to use more patience and wisdom to understand and support their children, help them overcome the “anti parental period”, and also promote the healthy growth of children by improving parent-child relationships.