When a child fails an exam, many parents, for the purpose of comfort, blurt out, “It’s okay if you don’t do well in the exam.
A seemingly ordinary sentence, but hidden behind it are many potential problems. In fact, this expression often fails to truly alleviate children’s emotions and may even trigger more negative feelings.
It’s okay if you don’t do well in the exam. Can this really comfort children. From a psychological perspective, such expressions not only fail to provide encouragement, but may also lead children to misunderstand their parents’ intentions, further affecting their understanding of learning and self-awareness.
Why does’ it doesn’t matter if you don’t do well in the exam ‘have the opposite effect. 1. Negative psychology research shows that children, especially teenagers, are particularly sensitive to their parents’ evaluations of themselves.
When parents say ‘it’s okay’, children may interpret it as: ‘My parents have lost their expectations of me.
‘ ‘No matter how poorly I do, they don’t care. Am I not important anymore. ‘ This misunderstanding can make children feel lonely when they fail and lose motivation for learning.
Especially for children who place great importance on their grades, their parents’ indifference can make them feel frustrated and confused.
2. While downplaying failures, it may also weaken children’s sense of responsibility. Exam scores are not only a reflection of children’s learning outcomes, but also their feedback on their learning attitudes.
When parents casually say “it’s okay,” children may gradually realize that “failing the exam is not important.
” “It won’t matter if you don’t do well anyway, so don’t worry too much. ” Over time, this attitude may cause children to lose their pursuit of goals and lack motivation to work hard.
The sense of responsibility and internal drive for learning will gradually weaken as a result. 3. Neglecting children’s emotions may deepen their stress.
Every time they fail an exam, their hearts will experience self doubt and fluctuations in stress. If parents use ‘it’s okay’ to brush it off, children are likely to feel that their feelings are not valued.
They will think, ‘I care a lot, why don’t my parents understand at all. ‘ ‘I need help, and they just tell me it’s okay.
‘ This neglect of emotions can actually make children more resistant to communicating with their parents, thereby exacerbating academic and psychological pressure.
02. Smart parents do this: Three sentences guide children to better face failure. Smart parents understand that failing exams is a valuable educational opportunity for their children’s growth process.
They will guide children to view setbacks correctly through effective communication methods and draw experience and strength from them.
Here are three more effective phrases and their underlying meanings: First sentence: Is there anything you think you did well this time.
Help children find highlights from their failures and rebuild their confidence. Even if the exam is not ideal, there must be certain aspects of the child that are worthy of recognition.
For example, a breakthrough in a difficult problem, a brilliant expression in an essay, or even some good habits throughout the entire learning process.
When parents ask this sentence, it can help children shift their attention from failure to their own strengths.
Guidance method: “Although I didn’t achieve the goal this time, I found that you answered the math multiple-choice questions very well.
Have you mastered this part more solidly. ” “The language of the essay is very infectious, which must be the result of your usual reading and accumulation.
” This kind of dialogue not only allows children to recognize their strengths, but also encourages them to review successful experiences and apply good methods to other fields.
What areas do you think you can improve on. Replace blaming with analyzing problems, and let children focus on solutions.
After failing an exam, emotional self digestion is certainly important, but more importantly, it helps children recognize their shortcomings and prepare for their next improvement.
At this point, parents may guide their children to start from weak points, objectively analyze the reasons, and find feasible improvement methods.
Guidance method: “What do you think is the most difficult part of this English exam. Is it due to insufficient vocabulary or difficulty in analyzing long and difficult sentences.
” “Did you make mistakes in these math questions. Did you not remember the formulas well or did you not calculate them carefully enough.
We can further study and research. ” Through the disassembly and discussion of the problems, children will understand that failure is not scary, the key is to find the root cause of the problem and put it into action.
The third sentence: Mom believes that you can adjust your state well and be more calm next time. Spread support and trust, making children full of hope for the future.
When children face setbacks, parental trust is a great form of support. Instead of simply comforting ‘unimportant’, it’s better to use an encouraging tone to tell children, ‘You can do it, I believe in you.
‘ This kind of trust not only soothes children’s emotions, but also enhances their courage to face challenges.
Guidance method: “Mom knows it’s hard for you not to do well in this exam, but I believe you can adjust your state and do better next time.
” “This is just a small test, let’s summarize our experience together and strive to do better next time.
” Such language can help children let go of excessive concern about failure and stimulate their motivation to work hard again.
03. Rationally view grades: Parents should pay more attention to their children’s growth. Exams are just a node in a child’s growth, and their significance lies not in grades, but in helping children develop self reflection and problem-solving abilities.
Smart parents see every failure as an opportunity for education rather than a reason for blame. Focusing on learning ability rather than grades themselves is important, but what is more important than grades is a child’s learning ability and resilience.
Encouraging children to discover their interests and establish good study habits during the learning process is more meaningful than improving a few points in the short term.
Respect children’s emotions and not easily deny their feelings. When children are sad, parents need not to downplay the problem, but to accompany and listen.
They need to know that no matter what difficulties they encounter, their parents are always their backing.
Transmitting the correct values: Effort is more important than results. Let children understand that failure is not the end of life, but the beginning of growth.
The purpose of learning is to increase knowledge and skills, not just for exam scores. Conclusion: Educating children is a long-term process, and on their path of growth, they inevitably encounter failures and setbacks.
As parents, we cannot just say ‘it’s okay’, but should use more specific and effective ways to help our children stand up from failure.
Educator Yin Jianli once said, “Giving children the courage to face setbacks is the true success of education.
” May we all become parents who know how to listen and guide, and provide positive feedback at every step of our children’s growth
True support and love allow them to go further and further on the path of life.
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