Source: China Education Daily, Satia Parenting Network. There is a topic on Satia Parenting: Why sometimes the more you respect your child, the more rebellious they become.
At the bottom of the topic, many netizens are roast about their children: I communicate with my daughter, and the more we talk, the more she will advance; We respect our children for what they want to do, but occasionally when something doesn’t satisfy them, they shout at us.
If sometimes the more we respect, the more rebellious the child becomes, and the parents may have “excessive respect” for the child, failing to realize the true value of “respect”.
Excessive respect “is actually a misconception. In the eyes of some parents,” respect “means doing everything according to the child’s wishes.
If a child feels too tired from studying, tell them, ‘If you don’t want to learn, just take a break. ‘; Children enjoy dancing, but feel too tired to persist.
Parents compromise and say, ‘If you don’t want to, forget it. ‘ This is actually a form of ‘laissez faire’ respect: although the child’s wishes are put first on the surface, rules are rarely set for the child, and the child often cannot learn self-discipline and lacks the ability to handle difficulties.
There is also a type of parent who regards tolerance as respect. Xiaohua’s parents spoil him in every way possible, and they try their best to meet Xiaohua’s demands.
Even when he made a mistake, his parents protected him on the grounds that he was still young. Over time, Xiaohua became willful and reckless, lacking respect for others, and became the “bear child” in everyone’s eyes.
Please remember that respect does not equate to tolerance; Allowing mistakes does not mean no punishment.
Otherwise, the tolerance of parents will cause cognitive errors in children, making them feel that they can do whatever they want, and even if they make mistakes, there will be parents who take responsibility for them.
‘perfunctory respect’ may destroy a child’s sense of security. When interacting with parents, what children dislike the most is being perfunctory by their parents.
For example, when a child is telling their mother about their exam results, they say, “Mom, I improved by 5 points this time.
Mom listened on the side without looking at him, holding her phone in her hand and responding with her mouth, “Hmm, okay, it’s pretty good.
” When a child excitedly and eagerly tells their parents something, their parents respond with language like “Oh, it’s good, I know, I understand.
Often, such a sentence can extinguish all the enthusiasm of a child. Many parents may think: I respect my child very much, I am accompanying him, and I am responding.
Why would my child be disappointed. In fact, this kind of “respect” makes children feel that their parents do not value or love me.
After a long time, children will no longer feel secure and will gradually become depressed and insecure.
Grasping the scale of “respect” is the key to cultivating excellent children who do not need to obey their thoughts in every aspect of life, big or small.
How should we respect children. 1. To establish a sense of boundaries with children, psychologically speaking, everyone must remember a concept in any relationship: topic separation.
Simply put, parents need to distinguish between their own affairs and their children’s affairs. For example, learning is a child’s subject, and parents can provide help and support, but cannot force children to learn in their own way.
At this time, respect should be shown; Children have their own privacy, let’s not pry into it We allow children to make decisions on the right things.
This sense of boundaries will bring children a strong sense of value and security. 2. In the face of rules, parents should have authoritative “rules” that can constrain their children’s bad behavior, allowing them to be rigorous and self disciplined, and also letting them clearly know what behaviors can and cannot be done.
Parents do not need to respect bad behavior. For example, when a child is addicted to playing games, authoritative parents will firmly tell the child, “It’s time to go to sleep.
” Your heart should be very principled and have a bottom line, knowing what the child can and cannot do.
3. Learning to Listen: Listening is not just about “listening”, but about looking into the other person’s eyes and focusing your attention on them.
If you want to respect your child, you don’t need to think about “how I should say or behave”, but rather understand “what he is saying or expressing”.
Respecting a child’s desire to confide and keeping an eye on the other person is the true meaning of respect.
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