Breaking an egg from the inside is growth, breaking it from the outside is food. Parents should cultivate their children’s self drive during their growth process.
Whether in learning or life, the inner strength is far stronger than the external force. I have a niece who comes from a well-off family and has a good relationship with her parents.
Her child is sensible and obedient, but there is one problem: she always lacks enthusiasm for learning and becomes irritable when it comes to studying.
For this reason, the family has used all kinds of methods. For example, if the test is good, how much money will be rewarded.
For example, if it is still like this, send her back to her hometown. But she just remained motionless.
There are still many children in this situation. If they are not interested in learning, then whether you are tough or soft, they are unwilling to take action.
At most, driven by pressure, they wriggle a little bit, and it’s even harder to make them consciously and actively learn than climbing to the sky.
Irish poet Yeats once said, quoted by education experts around the world: ‘Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but about lighting a fire.
‘. Only by igniting children’s thirst for knowledge, cultivating their enthusiasm for active learning and acquiring knowledge, can we achieve the highest level of education.
To ignite this fire, a force is needed, and this force is the internal driving force. What is intrinsic driving force.
The definition of intrinsic driving force is an internal arousal or tension state that arises on the basis of needs, manifested as the internal driving force that drives the activity of the organism to achieve the satisfaction of needs.
Simply put, it means that there is something missing in me. Without this thing, I would feel very uncomfortable, and this sense of deficiency would motivate me to do something.
For example, I am currently very poor and I need money. In order to obtain money, there is a force that drives me to do things, and this force is the internal driving force.
But learning is an advanced need, and only when the underlying physiological needs, safety needs, belonging needs, and respect needs are met, will the needs for learning and self actualization arise.
Therefore, the prerequisite for awakening the intrinsic driving force of learning is to first satisfy the underlying needs.
For children, parents need to first ensure their physical and mental health, confidence, sense of value, and good interpersonal relationships.
Based on this, they can then consider how to awaken their inner drive. Imagine if a child in the following family environment has a need for learning: the husband and wife argue all day long, the family is facing collapse at any time, and the parent-child relationship is extremely poor.
The child often receives criticism, accusations, and even physical abuse. Therefore, when asked how to improve their child’s academic performance, the above two questions should be asked first, because they are the foundation and prerequisite for parents to awaken their child’s inner drive.
What are the benefits of intrinsic drive. There is a saying called “carrot and stick”, which means that if you listen, I will reward you, and if you don’t listen, I will punish you.
Rewards and punishments are also a type of driving force, but they belong to external driving forces.
Compared to internal driving forces, external driving forces have the following problems: they do not have continuity.
The biggest problem with rewards and punishments is that when they exist, children may take action, but once they do not, they will immediately stop taking action.
It is impossible to transfer responsibility. Learning is the child’s responsibility, but rewards and punishments can easily shift this responsibility onto parents.
Children may feel that learning is for their parents to learn. So his investment level is definitely not high.
The half-life is too short. If parents treat rewards and punishments as chips, then these chips will quickly become ineffective.
You need to constantly increase your chips in order to continue pushing your child’s learning. There will always be times when you cannot satisfy your child, and at that time, what should you do.
Compared to external driving forces, the benefits of internal driving forces are obvious. Higher level of participation.
Children will think that learning is their own business and responsibility, so they will voluntarily invest and do not care about any rewards or punishments.
Actions are more enduring. Due to the fact that children view learning as a way to meet their own needs, they will continue to take action.
The characteristic of learning is that the more they learn, the more ignorant they become, and the more they become engaged.
Children will constantly explore new knowledge and challenge difficult points. A greater sense of achievement.
Since there is no need for reward or punishment chips, once a child makes a breakthrough, their inner feelings will be great and they will enjoy the joy of success even more.
Fan Deng’s father is a mathematics professor at a university. According to Fan Deng, his father’s favorite thing to do is to do math problems.
When people ask him why he never relaxes, his father says that doing math problems is just relaxing. When a person sees learning as a way to relax, they don’t feel that learning is difficult at all.
They believe that learning is relaxation, and learning itself is a pleasure. This is a typical internal drive.
How to awaken children’s inner drive for learning. The prerequisite for awakening children’s inner driving force for learning is to first meet the needs of the lower levels, which is very important.
Therefore, giving children unconditional love, support, understand, care for, love, and encourage them is the instinct of parents and the most important thing they should do as parents.
After meeting these requirements, awakening children’s inner drive mainly relies on the following three points: 1.
Giving children sufficient learning autonomy. What is autonomy. It is to do it from the bottom of one’s heart without anyone forcing it.
For children, learning is not to please their parents or avoid punishment, but to learn from the bottom of their hearts.
When a child can decide when and what to learn, his autonomy is actually released. Especially for adolescent children, they have no resistance to “making their own decisions”, as long as they can make their own the final say.
Empowering children with autonomy in learning is the most fundamental condition for awakening their internal drive.
As parents, we habitually exercise control and excessive intervention over our children, always feeling that they are not sensible and need parental assistance and supervision.
In fact, these practices invisibly deprive children of their autonomy, summarized as follows: accompanying homework.
The purpose of homework is to test and consolidate the knowledge of the day, which requires children to complete independently.
However, we are under pressure from school teachers and our own anxiety; Imposing interference on children’s homework problems results in the transfer of homework responsibility.
Children may feel that if their parents urge them, I will do it, but if they don’t, I will keep dragging on.
Choose interest classes on behalf of others. When choosing interest classes, we always arrange courses for our children according to our own wishes
I know, the reason why interest classes are called interest classes; It’s because it’s based on interest.
If you insist on imposing things on children that they don’t have interest in, isn’t that depriving them of their autonomy.
The big picture in life. After a child enters elementary school, there are too many things he can do on his own, but we always feel that the child has not grown up and is not mature enough; Therefore, by taking care of all kinds of things in a child’s life, gradually, the child feels that these things belong to their parents and there is no need for them to participate.
Because we are accustomed to interference and control, we have developed a personality of dependence on others in children.
Their sense of autonomy will become extremely poor, and they are more inclined to look at their parents’ perspectives.
They prefer to shift responsibility onto their parents. Summary: To awaken children’s intrinsic drive for learning, the first thing we need to do is to transfer the responsibility of learning to them.
They can decide what to learn, when to learn, and to what extent to learn. At the same time, in life, we should give children more choices, often create opportunities for them, and encourage them to complete independently.
To give children a sense of achievement in learning, they need to possess the following two conditions: competence.
Taking mobile games as an example, if a game is very difficult, as long as the child tries a few times but fails, they will quickly give up because they are not competent and they are always abused.
This feeling is very painful. When it comes to learning, it’s actually the same. If the current course is too difficult and the child can’t hold on, then they will also give up.
Timely feedback. Taking mobile games as an example, the most important task for game manufacturers is to set various feedback settings in the game.
For example, there is a reward for killing a small monster, and the process of playing games is a continuous process of creating feedback.
Corresponding to learning, children feel relatively less positive feedback and more frustration, which is a bottleneck.
Based on the above two points, parents can temporarily reduce the difficulty of learning. Take some measures to lower the current difficulty level of learning, so that children can easily reach it with just one jump.
For example, if a child’s knowledge in the second year of junior high school cannot keep up, can they start from the first year of junior high school and let the child feel the benefits of learning first, so that he can gain some sense of achievement in learning.
Deliberately creating feedback. In the inspirational movie “The Bottom Hot Girl”, where the protagonist makes even the slightest progress, the cram school teacher will eagerly appreciate and encourage him; In fact, this is feedback.
Like games, children can feel their own strength. Gradually, children will transfer this feedback to learning itself, and they will find pleasure in the process of doing exercises.
Summary: No one is born to enjoy being abused. People prefer to do things that are beneficial. If you want your child to invest in learning and fall in love with it, then you need to first let them feel the benefits and experience the sense of achievement in learning.
3. To cultivate children’s inner goals, everything should have a goal. This goal can be big or small, but it cannot be without a goal.
Without a goal, people are easily confused and give up easily. Giving up means failure. Learning also requires goals.
Imagine, I don’t even know what learning is for. Do you think I will work hard to learn. Of course not.
Someone said, isn’t the goal of learning very clear. Are these goals for exams, for further education, and for a better life in the future.
I said yes. But they are not the best goals, at least children don’t like these goals. When we tell our children that learning is for a better future, do they understand what a better future really is.
Nowadays, most children have good living conditions and tend to give whatever they want. They feel that the present is good, so why bother studying hard for an illusory and beautiful future.
So, in order to awaken children’s inner drive for learning, it is necessary to help them find a good goal, which is something that children can see, feel, and want from the bottom of their hearts.
I think we can take the following path: 1 Any person who achieves great things has a grand goal related to self actualization.
He is not trying to please anyone, nor is he trying to make much money. He just wants to do it from the bottom of his heart.
For example, Steve Jobs said he wanted to change the world, and Apple really did it. For example, Zhou Enlai said that we should study for the rise of China.
Finally, he became the highly respected Premier Zhou. Our children originally had goals. Some wanted to be scientists, some wanted to be astronauts, and some wanted to be big bosses.
However, we often forget to remind them, causing them to lose their direction. There is a little girl named Catherine who has goals related to helping others and serving society.
At the age of seven, she did something that caused a sensation in the world. Because of her kindness, she saved the lives of over a million African children.
At the age of five, she saw an African documentary broadcasted by Public Television in the United States, which stated that on average, a child dies from malaria every thirty seconds in Africa.
This gave her a great shock. She held her hand and counted one, two, three. thirty. When she reached thirty, she was terrified and said to her mother, “An African child has died, we must do something.
” Afterwards, the little girl used various means, even finding the celebrity rich list from that year, and “boldly” wrote letters to the big shots one by one, including Bill Gates Her kindness has persisted for 12 years, and her original intention remains unchanged.
She has changed the situation, and now the mortality rate of malaria in African children has been reduced from every 30 seconds to every 2 minutes.
If you are attentive enough, you will find that “helping others” becomes addictive. When you make way for an elderly person while driving in the morning, you will find yourself happy all day long.
For children, it’s the same. If they can link learning with helping others and serving society, please rest assured that they will work hard regardless of everything.
He will deeply experience the meaning of learning, he knows what he is for, and learning is no longer a pain for him, but a challenge to happiness.
If you feel that the above two goals are too vague and related to the underlying needs, then this one is more universal.
For example, my niece mentioned at the beginning has a good living environment, no pressure, no worries, but she just doesn’t like studying.
So, by analyzing her underlying needs, it was found that she was infatuated with handsome male celebrities and had some thoughts about the opposite sex, which is actually normal.
This is a human underlying need, and having no thoughts is abnormal. Then, taking advantage of the holiday, we took her there
The university in Northeast China, through deliberate arrangements, allowed her to come into contact with one after another long legged Oba from Northeast China.
This opened her niece’s eyes to so many handsome guys in the university. Afterwards, we took her to Xiamen University and saw the men and women on campus taking a walk on the most romantic campus beach in all of China.
My niece was so excited that she kept saying that she must pass the exam here and then have a passionate love story The fundamental needs of humanity will never change, as long as you can connect them to learning, children will naturally develop a strong motivation to learn.
In summary, in order to awaken children’s intrinsic motivation for learning, there are three main points to rely on: giving children sufficient autonomy in learning; First, let the child experience the sense of achievement in learning; Help children establish intrinsic learning goals.
The highest level of education is to awaken children’s inner drive, but children are still children and they are not yet sensible.
Internal driving force is a kind of “pushing” force, while external driving force such as rewards and punishments is a kind of “pulling” force.
A moving wheel needs multiple driving forces in order to move forward quickly. Therefore, don’t beat us to death with one stick.
We just need to focus on the key points and moderately call on external driving forces.
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