Click on the blue text to follow us. The biggest failure of parents in educating their children is that they are afraid that their children will not study or go to school.
Isn’t it because you can’t let go of studying that you dare not care about this child. When you truly let go of studying, your child instantly improves.
Why. Let me tell you a basic logic, the reason why your children have problems is because you are afraid of these two things.
The first one is that you are afraid that your child will not read and that your child will not study well.
It’s because of this’ fear ‘that you didn’t manage the child well, that you didn’t control the child well, and then a second one appeared, afraid that the child would commit suicide, afraid that the child would go to extremes, and afraid that the child would have an accident.
Ms. Li’s son Xiaoyu is a typical example. After entering junior high school, Xiaoyu’s decline was very obvious.
Ms. Li looked at her son’s transcript with a burning heart. Every night, I sit next to Xiaoyu and supervise him with his homework.
As soon as I notice Xiaoyu being distracted, I immediately scold him harshly, saying, “Do you know how important studying is now.
If you can’t get into a good high school, what will you do in the future. ” Xiaoyu becomes increasingly quiet and resistant to learning.
Once, Xiaoyu failed his math exam, which he was best at. After learning about it, Ms. Li’s emotions collapsed.
She cried and said to Xiaoyu, ‘Why are you so incompetent. ‘. We have put in so much for you, can’t you study hard.
Xiaoyu lowered his head and dared not speak, but there was a hint of dissatisfaction and rebellion in his eyes.
Since then, Xiaoyu began to frequently exhibit behaviors that made Ms. Li tremble with fear. He would sit alone on the balcony at night, lost in thought for several hours.
After Ms. Li discovered it, she was very scared. She cautiously asked Xiaoyu, “Son, what’s wrong with you.
Is there something on your mind. ” Xiaoyu just said lightly, “It’s nothing, don’t worry about me. ” She was afraid that Xiaoyu would not be able to think it over and make a suicidal move.
In order to prevent accidents from happening, Ms. Li started guarding Xiaoyu step by step. She canceled all her social activities and picked up and dropped off Xiaoyu from school every day.
Even when Xiaoyu was in class, she would wander around the school area, afraid that something might happen to Xiaoyu.
She also installed various protective facilities at home and hid dangerous items such as knives. However, Xiaoyu’s condition did not improve as a result.
He became more rebellious and often had heated arguments with Ms. Li. Once, Ms. Li confiscated Xiaoyu’s phone in anger because he was playing with it before finishing his homework.
Xiaoyu suddenly flew into a rage and shouted at Ms. Li, ‘You know how to manage my studies, you don’t care about me at all.
‘. What’s the point of me being alive. Upon hearing these words, Ms. Li’s heart was in her throat. She cried and hugged Xiaoyu, saying, “Son, Mom is doing it for your own good.
Mom is afraid that you won’t have any success in the future and that you may have accidents. Ms. Li’s anxiety spread throughout the family, and the entire atmosphere became oppressive and tense.
She often suffers from insomnia and constantly thinks about how to get Xiaoyu back on track. She inquired about educational methods everywhere and enrolled Xiaoyu in various tutoring and psychological counseling classes, but the results were minimal.
Until one day, Ms. Li began to realize her own problem after communicating with one of our teachers. Your excessive concern about your child’s learning has caused you to lose your rational approach to education, and this pressure has been transmitted to the child, leading to various psychological problems.
Your fear of unexpected situations has further trapped you in a vicious cycle. “Ms. Li began to reflect on her behavior, trying to let go of her obsession with Xiaoyu’s academic performance.
The teacher told the mother, ‘Release the shackles of excessive worry: be smart parents. ‘. So, how should parents adjust their mentality and break free from the shackles of excessive worry.
The famous educator Montessori once said, “The child is a developing organism and a developing mind; the period of child development is the most important period in a person’s life.
” Every child is a unique individual, with their own growth rhythm and innate potential. Parents need to deeply understand this and abandon the mentality of blindly comparing themselves with others.
When you see someone else’s child performing well in certain aspects while your own child is temporarily lagging behind, don’t put pressure on your child in a hurry.
For example, some children have a natural talent for language expression and can speak fluently at a young age; And some children may have an advantage in logical thinking, with a strong interest and unique insights into mathematical puzzles.
If we blindly demand that children with slightly weaker language talents take the lead in speech competitions, or force children with strong logical thinking to excel in poetry recitation, it will only repeatedly undermine their confidence in areas they are not good at.
Parents should calm down, observe and discover their children’s shining points with care, respect their interests and hobbies, provide them with a suitable environment for growth, and fully unleash their potential.
Like a seed, some will grow into towering trees, some will bloom beautiful flowers, and some will bear abundant fruits, all interpreting the brilliance of life in their own way.
02 Trust in the inner growth power of children. Gibran wrote in “To Children”: “Your children are not actually your children.
They are children born out of life’s desire for themselves. They came to this world through you, but not because of you.
They are by your side, but not yours. ” From the moment a child is born, they are endowed with the inner drive for self growth.
They are like butterflies emerging from a cocoon, with their own instinct to struggle and transform. In the process of children learning to walk, they will fall countless times, but they will keep getting up and trying again and again.
Parents should be like angels silently guarding on the side, giving them enough space to explore and try, rather than holding onto their children tightly for fear of falling and getting injured, depriving them of opportunities to exercise.
03 Focus on self growth and emotional management. Parents should understand the impact of their emotional state and behavior patterns on their children.
A emotionally stable and positive parent will create a warm and safe family atmosphere for their child; On the contrary, an anxious and capricious parent can make their child grow up in fear.
Parents should intentionally improve their educational level and emotional management abilities. When encountering troubles at work, do not bring negative emotions home.
Before entering the house, take a few deep breaths and adjust your emotions. You can disperse in the community
Step by step, listen to music and release the stress from work.
When interacting with children, if you are about to get angry due to certain behaviors of the child, first silently count 10 numbers in your mind to calm yourself down, and then communicate with the child.
Express your feelings and expectations in a calm and rational tone, rather than solving problems through shouting or scolding.
Setting reasonable expectations and learning to let go of parents’ expectations for children should be based on the child’s actual situation and abilities.
It should be challenging and able to stimulate the child’s motivation to strive for progress, but not too high and make the child feel intimidated.
For example, based on a child’s academic performance and learning ability, set reasonable short-term and long-term goals.
If the child’s current math score is at a moderate level, the short-term goal can be to improve by 10 points in the next exam, and the long-term goal is to enter the top 10 of the class by the end of this semester.
At the same time, it is also important to be mentally prepared. Even if the child has not fully achieved the goal, do not blame them excessively.
Instead, analyze the reasons with the child, summarize the lessons learned, and encourage them to continue working hard.
As children grow older, parents should learn to let go at the right time and allow them to gradually face various challenges in life independently.
Children can be appropriately involved in family decision-making. When children face choices, parents can provide their own opinions and suggestions, but the final decision-making power is left to the children, making them responsible for their own lives.
If your child is in adolescence and now starts to rebel and hate learning, you can pay attention to this official account and will continue to update relevant content and real case studies.
Parents who need help can scan the code to add and receive free assistance. Scan the code for free consultation, click to read the original text to receive the materials.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » The biggest failure of parents in educating their children is that they are afraid that their children will not learn or attend school