Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After Taking A Couple Vacations? A Parent’s Honest Take
The rain streaked the coffee shop window Saturday, and Lila stirred her oat milk latte slow before she asked the question. She and her husband just got back from their anniversary trip to Puerto Rico, have a two-week Euro backpacking trip planned for next spring, and they’ve been talking about starting a family for six months. “Everyone I talk to gives me a different answer,” she said. “Some say don’t wait, fertility doesn’t wait around. Some say go have fun while you still can. Should I just wait to get pregnant until after we go?”
I remember sitting where she was three and a half years ago. My husband and I had two trips locked in: a long weekend skiing in Vermont we’d been putting off since our wedding, and a 10-day trip to Tokyo to visit his sister, who was teaching English there. I was 32, my annual checkup said my fertility was fine, but every time we talked about starting that month, I’d balk. I’d had a friend who got pregnant unexpectedly right before her dream safari, spent the whole trip exhausted and couldn’t eat half the food, and her photos were all her sitting in the jeep while everyone else walked to see giraffes. I didn’t want that. So we decided to wait. We put a little countdown on our fridge whiteboard for both trips, right next to the half-finished ovulation tracker I’d bought and only used for two months.
I planned for every what-if. I bought extra pregnancy tests to pack in my ski bag, just in case my period was late. I mapped out urgent care clinics in Tokyo just in case something went wrong. We went on the ski trip first, I fell on a blue run and bruised my thigh so bad I could barely sit for two days, ate my weight in cheese fries and hot toddy at the lodge after, no morning sickness, no complications. Then Tokyo: we walked 8 miles a day, stopped at random ramen shops, ate three different kinds of raw tuna, drank cold sake with my brother-in-law’s coworkers late into the night. It was perfect. No regrets at all. We got home, packed away the suitcases, pulled the ovulation tracker back out, and got pregnant three months later.
Now that my daughter’s three, I’ve had a lot of time to think about that choice. Most of the takes online are all or nothing: either you’re selfish for waiting when your clock is ticking, or you’re crazy to start before you’ve had your “last hurrah.” The truth is way messier than that.
First, the thing no one tells you about waiting: it’s easy to put your whole life on hold during that waiting period. For 18 months, I turned down buying anything baby-related, even the cute neutral crib sheet I saw at Target that I loved, because “we weren’t starting yet.” I said no to babysitting for my best friend’s toddler because I didn’t want to get too attached to the idea before it was time. That 18 months ended up being a weird limbo that I didn’t plan for, and that’s my one big tip for anyone who decides to wait: don’t put every part of your life on pause. If you want to start prenatals, start them now. If you have a spare room you’re turning into a nursery eventually, go ahead and paint it now. It takes 2 hours, and you won’t have to drag a ladder around when you’re 7 months pregnant later. Small things keep you from feeling like you’re waiting around for your real life to start.
Second, be honest about why you’re waiting, and check in with a doctor first. I waited because I didn’t want to miss the specific, fun things I’d planned for those trips. That was a good reason. Lila told me she’s scared of having an early miscarriage and having to deal with grief away from home, which is also a totally good reason. But I’ve also talked to women who waited just because social media told them they need to “enjoy all your travel before kids ruin that forever.” That’s not a good enough reason to put off starting if you’re ready. If you’re 35 or older, or you have PCOS, endometriosis, or any other known fertility concern, book a 15-minute appointment with your OB before you decide to wait a year or more. They can tell you what a safe timeline looks like for you, specifically, not what it says on a wellness influencer’s feed. That’s a tiny, easy step that a lot of people skip.
The other thing I got wrong: I thought once we had a baby, we’d never get another vacation just the two of us ever again. That’s not true. We just got back from a four-day trip to the same beach we went to for our honeymoon, left our daughter with my mom, and spent three days napping and reading on the sand just like we did before she was born. Do we have to plan for childcare and save a little extra? Yeah. But it’s not impossible. The pre-baby trips are nice, but they’re not your only shot at a relaxed vacation.
Last week Lila texted me a photo of a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine she bought to pack for her Europe trip, just in case. She and her husband decided to stick with their plan: go on the trip, start trying when they get back. They booked that doctor’s appointment, started prenatals, and agreed that if they get pregnant before they leave, they’ll just adjust the itinerary.
I didn’t tell her there was a right or wrong answer. For me, waiting was the right call. I’m still glad I ate all that raw tuna in Tokyo, and I don’t regret a single day of that limbo, even the awkward parts. For my cousin, waiting five years to check three big trips off the list ended up meaning she struggled with infertility longer than she needed to, and that’s her truth. No one can make this choice for you. All you can do is get the facts, be honest with yourself about what you want, and go from there. Right now, that’s enough.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After Taking A Couple Vacations