School Board Member Wants to Move Out of State: What Happens When Elected Officials Post Honestly Online
I saw the post on a Tuesday night, right after I’d finally gotten the kids to bed. It came from a woman I’d voted for two years ago, one of the five people on our local school board. She wrote: “I don’t know, we’ve been looking at houses in North Carolina again. This constant snow and the school funding fights are wearing me down.”
No angry tone. No threats to resign. Just a person, tired, scrolling Zillow at 9 p.m., and hitting post.
The comments filled up fast. One parent wrote “Same, honestly.” Another said, “We’d hate to lose you, but I totally get it.” Then came the sharper ones: “You’re on the school board. You can’t say stuff like this.” And the classic: “If you don’t love this community, maybe step down.”
I sat there, phone in hand, not sure how I felt.
Because I do get it. She has three kids in the same district as mine. Her husband’s job has been remote for years. The winters are long, and the state legislature keeps cutting the funding for the very programs she’s supposed to defend. I’ve sat in those same board meetings. I’ve watched her ask careful questions about the special education budget while a dad in the back row videotaped her on his phone. The woman is tired.
But she’s also an elected official. And what she does publicly affects how people see not just her, but the whole board, the district, and even the school my kids go to.
The next board meeting, she answered the question before anyone could ask. “I want to be clear,” she said. “I have no plans to leave. I posted something personal, and it was probably not the best idea. But I’m allowed to have feelings.”
She was right about the feelings. Everyone gets to have them. The hard part is that when your name is on a ballot, your feelings are public information.
I kept thinking about this as I drove my daughter to soccer practice a few days later. My daughter is eleven, and she had seen the original post because a friend’s mom had shown it. She asked, “Why would she want to move away? Does she hate our school?”
I had to stop myself from giving the easy adult answer: “No, honey, it’s complicated.” Because that’s not an answer. That’s a way to end a conversation.
So I told her the truth. “She’s tired,” I said. “She has to make decisions about money and staffing and school closures, and a lot of people get mad at her no matter what she chooses. Sometimes when people are really tired, they say things out loud that they would normally keep to themselves.”
My daughter thought about it. “Then why did she put it online?”
That’s the real question, and it’s not just about one board member. It’s about all of us.
When a school board member posts something like that in a public space, they’re not just venting. They’re modeling how adults talk about their frustrations. And kids are watching. They see the post, they read the comments, and they learn something about civic life: that you can say what you want online, and other people can respond however they want, and nothing has to resolve.
The thing is, a school board member is not a regular citizen with a small audience. A school board member is someone parents trust to stand up for their kids. A post about wanting to move out of state doesn’t mean you’re failing at that job. But it creates a fuzzy line between “I’m a person who lives here” and “I’m the person making decisions about your child’s education.”
I don’t think she should resign. I don’t even think she shouldn’t have said anything. What I think is that public officials need a different internal filter. Not a dishonest one, just a more thoughtful one.
Here’s a rule I try to use in my own life, and it works well for kids too: before you post, ask yourself, “Would I say this in a room full of people who depend on me?” If the answer is no, it doesn’t mean you’re lying to keep it private. It means you’re protecting a relationship.
For parents, this is a teaching moment, not a scandal. When a public figure says something awkward or frustrating online, don’t just scroll past or lecture your kids about how stupid the post was. Instead, talk about the difference between a passing feeling and a decision. The board member posted a feeling. She said “I don’t know” and “maybe.” Those are words people use when they’re not sure about something. That’s not the same as saying “I’m leaving.”
You can ask your child: “What clues in the post told you she was just thinking out loud?” Or, “What would need to happen after this for you to know whether she’s actually serious?” Those questions teach kids to read online statements with more than just a gut reaction.
I also think there’s something to be said for choosing a better place to vent. The board member had perfectly good reasons to feel stuck. But her audience was every family in the district, including families who already question whether she’s on their side. A public post from a school leader about wanting to leave gets clipped and screenshotted and sent to the school gossip group. That doesn’t help the school. It doesn’t help her. And it doesn’t help the kids who are trying to figure out how adults solve problems.
Maybe the more important part is what happened after. She showed up to the meeting. She took the question. She said she had no plans to leave. That matters more than the post itself, because it shows follow-through. And for kids, seeing an adult take responsibility for something they said online is one of the best lessons available.
I told my daughter that too. “She didn’t hide,” I said. “She stood up and answered. That’s what you’re supposed to do when you say something that upsets people. You let them ask questions.”
Of course, that doesn’t fix everything. The post is still out there. People are still annoyed. A few parents are bringing it up at pickup, and one is planning to run against her in the next election. That’s how it goes. Public trust is built slowly and spent quickly, and a single careless post can burn through a lot of goodwill.
I don’t know if I’ve decided whether her post was “acceptable.” I suppose the word doesn’t fit. It’s more accurate to say it was human. She let people into a tired, frustrated moment that she probably should have kept between her and her spouse. But she also proved, at the next meeting, that she could handle the consequences. That’s more than a lot of adults do.
My daughter still brings it up sometimes when she sees a post from an adult that seems weird or too honest. She’ll say, “Is she allowed to say that?” And I’ll say, “Allowed, yes. Smart, not always.” Then we talk about what she might have done differently. It’s not a perfect conversation, but we’re having it. That’s progress.
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