Practical Advice for Upcoming High School Sophomores: What Parents and Students Should Know
My daughter Lila was folding soccer jerseys at the kitchen table last week, half-watching TikTok on her phone, when she paused and looked up. “Mom, all these videos say sophomore year is the hardest year of high school. I start in two months, what advice do you actually have?” Crumbs from her half-eaten strawberry Pop-Tart stuck to the floral placemat, her course request form was tucked under the magnet holding up our grocery list, and her scuffed cleats were propped by the back door waiting for preseason practice. I almost said the generic thing every parent says: “Just work hard and stay organized, you’ll be fine.” But I remembered November of last year, when the school nurse called to say Lila was in the office crying, her head throbbing so bad she couldn’t read a test, after three straight all-nighters cramming for midterms. So I pulled out the chair across from her, and started talking from what we actually learned last year.
We went into freshman year so hyped up on the college admissions hype. Every PTA email mentioned that grades start counting for college now, that you need to build your extracurricular resume early to stand out. Lila bought into it too—she signed up for two APs, student council, environmental club, art club, and JV soccer. She was running from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. every day, and by October, she was leaving half her homework in her locker, forgetting test dates, and snapping at her little brother over who got the last granola bar. Back then, I just told her she needed to get better at managing her time, which was useless. She didn’t need a lecture on time management; she needed a simple rule to stop overcommitting before it spiraled.
That’s the first thing I told her: the one-in, one-out rule. If you want to add a new club, or sign up for an extra AP, you have to drop one thing you don’t actually look forward to going to. No keeping activities just because they look good on a college resume, no sticking with a club just because your best friend is in it. I reminded her of the environmental club last year—she went to one meeting to get a free sticker, never went back, but kept it on her activity list for six months because she thought it would help with her long-held interest in environmental science. This year, before school even starts, we’re going through her draft list together, and anything she added just because someone said she should gets crossed out first. It’s a simple check that takes 10 minutes, and it stops the overcommitment before it starts.
Next, I told her about the 3-week course check-in. I added a reminder to both our calendars for the third Friday of the first semester. After three weeks, you’ve had a few homework assignments, you know how much out-of-class work each class actually demands, and you can still switch levels without a W on your transcript. The rule is simple: if you’re spending more than 2 hours a night on any single class (not counting big end-of-unit projects), go talk to your counselor about switching. Last year, Lila waited until November to admit she couldn’t keep up with both AP Bio and AP World. By then, it was too late to switch without a mark on her transcript, and she spent the rest of the semester dragging through a class she hated. This year, we don’t wait for a breakdown to adjust. We check in on a set date, and we switch if we need to. It doesn’t matter if the counselor says the AP looks good for college, it doesn’t matter if all your friends are taking it. Your sleep and your ability to still play soccer and hang out sometimes matters more.
We also talked about friends. Sophomore year is when friend groups start to shift, as people pick different class tracks and get busier with their own interests. Last year, Lila drifted away from her middle school best friend when she made a new group of friends who loved art as much as she did. Then, a few months later, the new group got busy working on their portfolio for summer programs and started bailing on plans, and Lila ended up eating lunch alone for a week before she worked up the courage to text her old friend. The tip I gave her wasn’t “don’t ditch old friends” — that’s not how growing up works. It was: text one friend you don’t see every day at least once every two weeks. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation. Just send a meme or a 10-second video that reminds you of them, that’s it. It keeps the door open, and it’s way less awkward than reaching out after six months of silence when you need someone to sit with.
I used to buy into the hype that sophomore year is make-or-break for college. I’d scroll the parent Facebook groups and see other parents talking about scheduling college visits and building resumes, and I’d panic that Lila was falling behind. After last year, though, I’ve changed my mind. Sophomore year isn’t about checking boxes for admissions officers. It’s the first year most kids get to choose their own classes and activities, and the first time they have to figure out what they can actually handle, instead of just doing what everyone tells them to do.
When I finished talking, Lila nodded, folded the last jersey, and went back to scrolling TikTok. She didn’t write any of it down, she didn’t make a big speech about being better this year. Later, I saw she screenshotted the one-in, one-out rule and sent it to her friend group chat. I don’t expect this year to be perfect. She’ll still forget a homework assignment, she’ll probably overcommit to something again, she’ll have bad days where she comes home crying. But we have small, concrete rules to fall back on, we have reminders set, and we know we can adjust whenever we need to. That’s more than enough right now.
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