I need 42 more survey responses by Friday and I’m panicking a little, okay?
It’s 9:17pm on a Tuesday, I’m sitting at my kitchen table with half a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, my laptop is dying, and there’s a coffee stain on the sociology 101 syllabus spread out next to me that’s been there since mid-September, when I spilled an iced oat latte all over it during lecture. I knew picking an “original primary research” project for this class was gonna be a pain, but I didn’t think it would come to this. I have 58 completed responses to my survey right now. I need 100 minimum to get a passing grade. So that’s 42 more, in three days.
For context, my survey’s about people who rewatch the same 2-3 shows over and over instead of starting new ones. I picked it because I do it! I’ve rewatched The Office (US, obviously) all the way through seven times, and I still put it on every single night while I eat dinner instead of queuing up that new Succession knockoff everyone’s been posting about. It just feels comfortable, you know? No unexpected plot twists, no pressure to pay attention to remember what’s going on. I thought a low-stakes, silly little topic would mean people wouldn’t mind spending two minutes answering questions. I was wrong.
I’ve already spammed my Instagram story three times. My mom forwarded it to her entire book club, 11 of the 12 members took it, and one lady took it three times by accident so that’s extra responses but I don’t have the heart to delete the duplicates. My roommate took it, her boyfriend took it, his three roommates took it, I even bribed the guy who works the front desk at my campus gym with a free peanut butter granola bar to take it last week. I asked the guy I matched with on Hinge last month to take it, and he replied “is this just an excuse to talk to me?” and I had to backtrack so hard like no, literally just for school, I’ll buy you a coffee if you do it, and he never texted back. Awkward.
Full transparency, I’m the worst about ignoring these requests too. Last week three different people from my classes posted their surveys to the group chat, and I just looked at them, thought “I’ll do it later,” and then forgot immediately. I get it. Opening a random link from a stranger feels sketchy. You think it’s gonna give you a virus, or sign you up for a hundred junk emails, or make your phone start blowing up with weird texts. I promise this isn’t that. It’s just a Google Form. I turned off the setting that collects email addresses, I don’t know who you are, I can’t contact you even if I wanted to. It’s 12 multiple choice questions. I timed it once, it takes 2 minutes and 38 seconds on average. I even added a dumb optional question at the end that just asks what your go-to late night snack is, because I felt bad making people do me a favor. Most people so far have said Cheetos, which tracks, because I’m currently covered in orange Cheeto dust as I type this. A handful said pickles straight from the jar, which I don’t get but I respect the commitment.
Someone on my campus Reddit thread commented on my post yesterday that I should just make up all the data. I thought about it. I thought about it really hard. Like, who’s gonna check? My professor has 200 students, he’s not gonna sit and verify 100 responses from every person. But I’m too much of a coward to cheat, honestly. What if I get caught? What if he fails me and I have to retake this stupid class next semester? That sounds way worse than begging strangers on the internet for two minutes of their time. Another guy commented saying he’d take it for $5, which is very funny because my bank account currently has $11.82 in it after I bought my textbooks this month. I can’t pay you $5. I can’t even pay you $1. The best I can do is thank you sincerely, and tell you what the most popular late night snack is when I’m done with the project.
I thought about making 42 fake Google accounts and just filling it out myself, but I’m pretty sure Google tracks IP addresses or something? I don’t know enough about tech to be sure, and I’m not willing to risk it. I thought about standing by the dining hall entrance tomorrow after class and stopping people as they walk in, but that’s the kind of awkward social interaction that makes me want to crawl into a hole. I already avoid small talk with the barista at the campus coffee shop, I don’t think I can beg 40 strangers for a favor in person.
I know this is annoying. I know you have your own deadlines, your own panic, your own stuff to deal with. If you don’t want to take it, that’s totally fine. I’m not gonna be mad. I get it. But if you have two minutes right now—while you’re waiting for your pasta to boil, while you’re sitting on the toilet, while you’re waiting for your friend to meet you for drinks, while you’re pretending to listen to your roommate rant about her boss—would you mind just clicking through? It’s not gonna hurt anything. It’s just a silly little survey for a silly little 101 class.
I’m probably gonna end up pestering everyone in my 8am anthropology lecture tomorrow anyway. None of those people talk to me, so it’s gonna be super awkward when I walk up and hand them my phone to fill it out. But whatever. Desperate times, right.
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