Children tend to choose silence and retreat amidst our unpredictable emotions. Our unstable emotions can leave children at a loss, which in the long run may lead to introverted personalities and a reluctance to communicate.
Dad is reading an original: Emotional Management Hey, I’m Koken. I remember when I was in fourth grade, my neighbor’s house was short of 20 yuan.
My parents and elderly people suspected that someone was a thief and scolded me severely, causing me to run around the village.
But later I found out that my parents had put the money elsewhere. Until now, every year when I go home for the Spring Festival, whenever I drink alcohol, I will talk about it.
There are many examples like this. When a child’s mind is not yet mature and parents have poor emotional management, this behavior can cause great harm to the child.
In fact, a person’s entire life is related to emotions, and they need to deal with them throughout their life; Often, a person’s emotional management ability, representing emotional intelligence, can also have a genetic impact on the next generation.
Our emotional management is the cornerstone of shaping a child’s personality. Feeling self blame after a child loses their temper indicates that emotional control has a negative impact on parent-child relationships, and we need to learn to control our emotions.
In the 11 years since I became a father, I deeply realized that as a parent, the hardest thing is to get angry and self blame for one’s own behavior after getting angry with the child.
Whenever I see my child remain silent due to my anger, a wave of bitterness surges in my heart. Children are gifts bestowed upon us by heaven, and their purity and innocence are the most precious treasures in our lives.
However, facing the pressure of life and the mischievousness of children, we inevitably lose patience.
Children are always cautious and dare not act rashly in front of angry adults. Parents’ unpredictable emotions can leave them at a loss, and over time, their personalities may become introverted and unwilling to communicate with others.
Psychologist John Bowlby’s “Attachment Theory” suggests that the emotional connection between parents and children has a profound impact on their psychological development.
If we cannot provide them with a sense of security, they will find it difficult to establish healthy emotional relationships.
I understand very well that as a parent, sometimes when I see a ‘bear child’ causing trouble, I feel an uncontrollable anger and an urgent desire to calm everything down.
However, the most important thing in educating children is to educate oneself. We need to learn self-regulation before we lose control of our emotions.
After calming down, you may want to think: are you angry because of the incident itself, or do you think you should be angry because of the occurrence of this incident.
Read this and savor it carefully. Many times, our anger does not stem from a child’s behavior, but from our inner anxiety and stress.
In real families, we cannot completely avoid losing our temper, as people always have emotions. The key is how to express and manage these emotions correctly.
Based on my own experience, I have summarized three important principles when facing conflicts with children: Firstly, regarding corporal punishment, when it comes to whether it is acceptable to hit children, everyone has a different understanding.
My opinion is that it can be moderate, but unless absolutely necessary, do not use this tactic. Children have their own independent personality.
Punishment can only make people fearful, not wise. Physical punishment may bring temporary obedience, but it cannot truly solve the problem.
To what extent is it specifically moderate. Before starting, you need to clarify whether you are doing this for education or to vent your emotions.
If it’s the former, you will remain rational and pay attention to the way and intensity of your actions, avoiding hurting your child’s self-esteem.
For example, simply lightly patting twice symbolically on the buttocks or palms, and providing explanations afterwards to help the child understand where the mistake lies.
If it’s the latter, be extra careful. Because in situations where emotions are out of control, we often lose our rationality and engage in extreme behavior.
This behavior goes beyond the scope of education and is more like an ‘attack’. As psychologist Adler pointed out, violence can only breed resistance and alienation, rather than understanding and respect.
If we can grasp the scale well, this experience may become a valuable educational opportunity. Children will realize their mistakes, understand what things cannot be done, and try to avoid them next time.
But if you cannot control yourself, not only will you not be able to change your child’s bad habits, but it will also make him fearful and further distance your relationship.
The best way for friends who cannot control their emotions is to temporarily let go and let their significant other take on the responsibility of education.
Give yourself and your child a calm space to avoid the harm caused by emotional instability. 2. As parents, admitting mistakes is not perfect, and we also make mistakes.
When we misunderstand our children or make actions that make them sad, we should express our apologies to them in a timely manner.
I believe that admitting one’s mistakes in front of their children is the greatest courage for parents.
Never consider yourself an unquestionable authority. Parents who know they did wrong but refuse to admit it should ask themselves why it’s difficult to apologize.
Is it because of face or because of authority. Admitting mistakes candidly not only does not diminish the authority of parents, but also teaches children to be sincere and responsible.
Children are the mirrors of their parents. Whatever you do, children will do the same in the future. If we want our child to become an honest and responsible person, then first of all, we must lead by example ourselves.
3. Regarding emotional management, you can get angry, but don’t get angry easily, especially when it comes to trivial matters.
Frequent temper tantrums can lead to two consequences: 1. Children will become increasingly scared, timid, and sensitive.
2. The child will become numb, thinking that these are all your “routine behaviors” and will not take seriously when encountering truly serious mistakes in the future.
In the book ‘Emotional Intelligence’, it is pointed out that emotional management ability is an important component of emotional intelligence.
As parents, we need to learn to regulate our emotions and set a good example for our children. When encountering problems, take a deep breath first, give yourself a few minutes to calm down, and then communicate with your child.
Our goal is to help children grow, not suppress them. Patience and understanding are the cornerstone of building a good parent-child relationship.
Writing in the end, a happy childhood heals a lifetime, while an unhappy childhood requires a lifetime to heal.
Everyone knows this sentence, but more importantly, we should not let ourselves become the pain that our children need to heal in the future.
In fact, many people do not know that love is an ability that requires effort to cultivate, rather than an innate instinct.
Let us accompany children’s health in love and understanding
Healthy growth. A child’s growth only happens once, we cannot go back to the past and start over.
Cherish every moment spent with children and feel their world with heart. Listening is the best form of communication.
Action guidance is to keep quiet when we learn to listen to children’s voices, in order to truly enter their inner world.
Let’s work together to be wise and warm parents, giving our children a home full of love and security.
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