Click on the blue text above to follow us. In most families, this scene is not unfamiliar: a child comes home with a 98 point exam paper, hoping to receive praise from their parents, but in return, they are asked, “Why did you lose 2 points.
How did you lose those 2 points; The child excitedly shared their little creations and inventions, but was dampened by the phrase ‘What’s the use of this.
Let’s focus on learning first’ We often unconsciously focus on children’s problems, shortcomings, and flaws, using a “problem perspective” to label them with various labels, while ignoring their shining points.
I used to be such a parent, and I was trapped in a “problem perspective” and couldn’t extricate myself, even causing anxiety.
Later, with the improvement of understanding, I gradually put aside the “problems” and focused on the child’s “strengths”.
This perspective is like a pair of colored glasses, allowing us to only see the shortcomings of children and overlook the growth and progress behind their every effort.
It makes children feel that no matter how well they do, they are never good enough, gradually losing the courage and confidence to explore the world.
Sanhuang Jingjie’s “The Pattern of Learning” quotes the advice of John Gottman, a prominent American psychologist and advocate of positive psychology, to parents.
He proposed that parents can abandon the “problem perspective” and switch to the “advantage perspective”, which means shifting the focus from their child’s negative “problems” to positive “advantages”, so that they can see their child’s strengths and efforts.
From the perspective of the problem, what we see are numerous flaws that make us anxious, frustrated, and even lose confidence in our children.
And the ‘advantageous perspective’ is like a beam of light, piercing through the haze and illuminating every shining point on the child’s body.
It shows us the strengths, advantages, and efforts of children, even the smallest progress is worth seeing and praising.
This shift in perspective is not only a recognition of children, but also an expectation for their infinite future possibilities.
When children perform well, it is advisable to give generous praise and let this affirmation become their motivation to continue moving forward.
For example, if a child gets a perfect score in math, they can say, ‘You are such a math genius, and your hard work and thinking are worth learning from.
‘ Such encouragement will make the child feel the joy of being seen and recognized, and thus love learning more and pursue excellence.
When children encounter challenges and their grades are not satisfactory, we need to use the “advantage perspective” even more.
Adults can observe carefully and discover with care that even the smallest progress or attempt is worthy of recognition.
For example, if a child’s Chinese composition has made progress, even though their overall score is not high, they can be praised with positive feedback such as “Your composition is more profound than last time, especially this metaphor, used so brilliantly.
” This can stimulate the child’s inner potential and make them believe that as long as they don’t give up, they can always find their own brilliance.
Sometimes, we may feel that there is really nothing to praise about children. At this point, it may be helpful to look for advantages from a different perspective, such as the child’s interests, personality, and interpersonal communication.
Perhaps he is not good at words, but he has unique skills in painting; Perhaps his grades are average, but he is sincere and enthusiastic towards his friends; Perhaps he is mischievous and active, but his social skills are particularly strong.
Every trait is a child’s unique wealth. The seven “advantageous perspectives” not only change the perspective of adults, but also help children establish positive self-awareness.
Help children overcome their pessimistic mindset, enhance their confidence, and stimulate their inner strengths.
When children start to believe in their abilities and value, they will be more willing to try new things, face challenges bravely, and thus embark on their own wonderful path in life.
Please don’t hold onto the ‘problem’. Education is not a simple “correction” game, but a journey about discovery, cultivation, and growth.
Let’s put aside the habit of thinking from a “problem perspective” and re-examine our children with a “strengths perspective”.
You will find that every child is a shining star. As long as enough attention and encouragement are given, they can shine the brightest light in their own sky.
Let us become the ones who can see the light of children, accompany them, and illuminate their path forward.
END’s previous recommended education is to not ignore the power of suggestion. Education is to cultivate children’s “discomfort” by using natural punishment more and artificial punishment less.
Education is to cultivate children’s habits of gradually accumulating rewards and punishments.
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