Don’t argue with the child, his brain hasn’t fully developed yet

As a mother, who hasn’t experienced the days of battling wits and bravery with their children. The little angel who ate vegetables well yesterday suddenly transformed into a little tyrant today and resolutely refused to eat green.

You are so angry that your veins are bulging, but the child has a “I don’t agree” expression on his face.

But let me tell you, don’t be too competitive at this moment. It’s not that the child is against you, it’s that his brain hasn’t grown well.

The secret of children’s brain development: it’s not that they don’t listen, it’s that they can’t understand.

Let me explain something to everyone first. The development of a child’s brain follows an important principle: growing from back to front.

Simply put, the back of the brain is responsible for basic functions such as vision and movement, and develops relatively early.

And the prefrontal cortex, the ‘CEO’ responsible for logic, judgment, and self-control, develops very slowly.

Scientific research shows that the prefrontal cortex does not fully mature until around the age of 25.

So when you reason with a 3-year-old child, he doesn’t listen at all. Because this’ little CEO ‘is still loading, his brain doesn’t have enough resources to analyze, judge, and control his behavior.

Story time: One day, my son Rocky (yes, that quirky guy) suddenly got angry at the supermarket because I didn’t buy him his favorite candy.

I was so angry that I started teaching directly: ‘You’re almost in elementary school, yet you’re still so immature.

With so many people watching, is it embarrassing to lose. ‘ What was the result. He cried even harder, and the whole supermarket was watching us.

Later, when I returned home, I opened a parenting book and discovered a truth: when children experience emotional breakdowns, their rational brain regions are basically “offline” and it is impossible for them to listen to your reasoning.

That time, I learned a lesson: reasoning with emotionally unstable children is like playing the piano to a cow.

The cost of competition: You think it’s about education, but in fact, it’s about hurting emotions. The child’s brain is still developing, and many of their behaviors are not intentionally angry with you, but are the result of instinctual drive.

But if you choose to compete with him, the result is often a lose lose situation. Children are hurt in their hearts, while you are hurt in your rationality and voice.

For example, if you ask him not to play with water, he insists on splashing it all over the floor. You shouted for a while, and on the surface, he promised ‘good’, but then turned around and continued to play sneakily.

You feel like you’ve lost, he feels like he’s not loved. No one wins this’ war ‘, only the relationship becomes increasingly strained.

Solution: Learn to downgrade conflicts and extinguish the flames of war. So, what should you do when your child challenges your bottom line.

Don’t worry, here are a few practical tips: 1 Deal with emotions first, then deal with problems. When a child gets angry, don’t rush to correct their behavior, but let them calm down first.

You can squat down, gently pat his back, and say, ‘Mom knows you’re very angry now, let’s take a deep breath first, okay.

‘ After your emotions calm down, we can discuss right or wrong. Remember, emotions are the root of a child’s behavior.

Solving emotions first will naturally improve behavior. 2. Using choices instead of commands. Often, children do not listen because they want a sense of control.

For example, if you want him to collect toys, he won’t do it. At this point, you can rephrase it: “Do you want to collect the car first, or do you want to collect the building blocks first.

” It seems like both options are actually guiding him to complete the task. Giving choices and not giving commands is the key to working with children.

When a child refuses to cooperate and stands on the same side as the child, it may be helpful to use the tone of “we”.

For example, if he doesn’t want to do homework, you can say, ‘Let’s come up with a solution together, how can we do this problem faster.

‘ Let the child feel that you are his ally, not his opponent, and his cooperation will be much higher.

4. Understand rather than criticize when a child engages in “unreasonable” behavior, try to see the problem from their perspective.

For example, if he spills milk on the dining table, you can say, “Did your little hand accidentally slip.

Next time we can hold it steady. ” Accepting his mistake and encouraging him to improve is more effective than criticism.

The Enlightenment of Brain Development and Parenting: Take it slow, everything will be fine. On the path of parenting, the most important lesson is that children need time to grow, and you need time to learn.

When we understand the developmental patterns of the brain behind children’s behavior, we will realize that they are not intentionally doing it, but rather that the ‘hardware’ is not keeping up.

Don’t argue with your children, give them some patience and yourself some tolerance. Finally, a message for parents: Parenting is not a battle, but a collaboration.

When you let go of the obsession with “winning” and learn to grow together with your child, you will find that their problems are no longer problems, and the parent-child relationship is more harmonious.

Next time Rocky gets into trouble again, I may not rush to “win”, but rather squat down and touch his head: “Are you a little tired.

Let’s take a break.