Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Tried That Works
The cherry popsicle dripped down my left sneaker as my 5-year-old Lila tugged my elbow on the playground last July. She nodded toward a little girl chasing a butterfly across the mulch, voice loud and curious, not mean: “Mom, why is her skin brown like chocolate? Mine’s pink like my bath bubbles.” I froze mid-fold of the library towel I’d stuffed in my bag. I’d known this moment was coming, had seen a dozen posts online about talking to kids about racism, but every resource I’d ever saved was for middle schoolers or teens. Where do you even start with a 5 year old?
I went home that night, pulled up my laptop, and typed “anti-racism resources for 5 year old” into Google. What came up was mostly either 30-page reading lists for educators full of big jargon, or generic board books that just repeated “we are all special” on every page, which felt like it didn’t actually answer the question she’d asked. I texted my friend Jen, who teaches pre-K at the local public school, and she told me something I hadn’t really stopped to think about: 5 year olds can’t process abstract concepts. They can’t wrap their head around hundreds of years of history or unfair systems that are bigger than their playground. Any resource you use has to meet them where they are, talking about things they already care about: hair, ice cream, playground turns, birthdays.
She sent over a short list of things she uses in her classroom, and I started small. First, books. I ordered three used from Thriftbooks for five dollars total, and all three have stuck with us in a way the generic ones never did. The first is The Skin You Live In, which uses simple rhymes to talk about all the things skin does – it holds you together, it lets you feel sun on your arm – and it names that skin comes in every shade, from pale cream to deep brown. It doesn’t shy away from difference, it just talks about it like it’s normal, no big scary speech. Then Last Stop on Market Street, which follows a boy riding the bus with his grandma, and quietly points out all the different people in their community, and what it looks like when everyone doesn’t get the same turn. Lila doesn’t pick up on every layer, but she gets that the boy notices cool things about the people he meets, which is enough. The clear favorite is Hair Love, a short, sweet story about a dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair. After we read it the first time, Lila pointed to the pictures and said “her curls are bigger than mine. Can I put gel in my hair to make curls tomorrow?” That’s exactly what I wanted – a natural question, no forced lesson.
Jen also reminded me that 5 year olds learn more from what they interact with every day than what you read to them once at bedtime. I looked through our play bin that weekend, and realized all four of Lila’s dolls had the same pale skin and straight blonde hair, just like her. I didn’t throw anything out – I just ordered two affordable new dolls from Target for $10 each: one with deep brown skin and tight curls, one with straight black hair and East Asian features. It was a 20 dollar change, no big overhaul of our playroom. Now Lila does their hair every morning before breakfast, and when her best friend came over last week, she introduced them like they were new members of the family. No big talk, just normalizing difference in her everyday play.
For slow moments when I need a minute to cook, I found that Sesame Street has a stack of two-minute clips on YouTube about different skin colors and family structures. I don’t add extra screen time to our day – I just pull one up while I’m stirring pasta, when Lila’s hanging around the kitchen begging for snacks. They’re silly, have Elmo in them, so she loves them, and they stick to simple lines like “every skin is good skin” that she can remember.
I also changed how I handle her questions out in public. Before that playground moment, I would have panicked and whispered “don’t point, that’s rude” – which would have told Lila that difference is something you shouldn’t talk about, the opposite of what I want to teach. Now I just answer simply, in terms she connects to her own life. When she asked about the woman in a hijab in front of us at the grocery store a few weeks ago, I said “some people wear different clothes on their head because it’s important to their family and their beliefs, just like you wear your soccer jersey to your games because it’s important to you.” She nodded, went right back to asking for goldfish crackers, and that was that. That’s enough for a 5 year old right now.
Not everything worked. I tried one book a blogger raved about that talked about how racism hurts people, and it had pictures of protest signs and words Lila couldn’t pronounce. She got halfway through and asked if we could read Elephant and Piggie instead, and I didn’t force it. Pushing content that’s too heavy for her age just makes her check out, it doesn’t help anything.
Last week, the little girl Lila pointed out at the playground came to her birthday party. Her mom brought chocolate chip cookies, they chased each other around the bounce house for an hour, and ended up covered in sprinkles on the living room couch. Lila didn’t say anything about skin color – they just played. I still don’t have all the answers. As she gets older, I’ll need better resources for harder questions, and I know I’ll mess up sometimes. Right now, though, these small, simple things are working. We don’t need big, fancy lessons or expensive resources. We just need to answer their questions honestly, normalize difference in their everyday life, and meet them where they are.
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