Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Tried That Actually Works
Last Saturday, my 5-year-old Mia trundled in from the playground, one rain boot caked in mud, face streaked with tears, and told me what the boy on the slide had said to her best friend Lila: “You can’t be a princess because princesses have skin like mine.” I was wiping strawberry jam off the kitchen table when she said it, and my hand froze. I’d known I wanted to start talking about fairness and race with her for a while, but when this moment hit, I realized I had no clue what resources were actually appropriate for a kid her age.
I pulled out my phone and Googled like any other panicked parent, scrolling through dozens of lists full of books for middle graders, thinkpieces that talked about concepts I could barely unpack as an adult, and generic advice that said “start early” but never told me how. I ordered three highly recommended books off Amazon, and the first one I tried opened with a discussion of slavery that left Mia asking “what’s a plantation?” mid-page. I ended up slamming it shut and reaching for Peppa Pig to reset the awkward mood. Another was just a series of drawings of kids of different colors playing tag, with no text that actually invited conversation. It felt useless, like hiding from the topic instead of addressing it.
I texted my friend who teaches preschool at Mia’s school, asked her what she uses in class, and that’s where I found the stuff that actually sticks. She reminded me first that 5-year-olds are concrete thinkers – they don’t get the abstract “we’re all the same on the inside” line we adults love to default to. When I’d said that to Mia right after the playground incident, she just frowned and said “No we’re not. Lila’s skin is browner than mine, and her hair is curly and mine is straight. Why can’t we talk about that?” That hit me. I’d been taught not to mention differences to avoid being rude, but all that did was make her think talking about skin was something wrong, something you can’t ask about.
The first resource she recommended was The Skin You Live In, and it’s been a hit for us. It’s a short picture book with simple, rhyming text that compares skin to different colored coats – all of them fit, all of them are good. It doesn’t dive into heavy history, just names that skin comes in lots of beautiful colors, that all of them are okay. Mia wants to read it at least once a week now, and she likes pointing to all the different skin shades and matching them to her friends from preschool. It gives us a natural jumping off point to talk without me having to plan a big lesson.
Another one that’s worked perfectly for this age is Hair Love. It’s just a sweet story about a Black dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair for the first time. There’s no big heavy lesson about racism, just a normal family doing normal, everyday things. Mia loves pointing out how the little girl’s hair is just like Lila’s, and it gives us a chance to talk about how different hair looks different, and that’s all really cool. It doesn’t feel like a “lesson” – it just feels like a story we read for fun.
What my friend emphasized that most online lists don’t mention is that 5-year-olds learn through play, so small, everyday resources work better than big formal curriculums. I picked up a pack of multicultural crayons for $3 that has 8 different skin tones, not just the one generic “peach” shade that came in her old box. I just left them in her coloring bin, I don’t make her use them or force any activity. Now, though, when she draws pictures of all her friends, she automatically picks the shade that matches each person’s skin. Last week she drew a picture of our whole neighborhood, and labeled every kid’s skin shade like it was the most normal thing in the world. All I did was leave the crayons there.
We also watch 2-minute Sesame Street clips about race and fairness sometimes while we wait for our toast to pop in the morning. They’re simple, Elmo talks about how everyone gets a turn, no matter what they look like, and Mia thinks it’s just another cartoon. No big lecture, just a quick little message that fits into our day without any extra effort.
What I’ve learned through all this is that you don’t need complex, serious resources for a 5 year old. They don’t need to learn about systemic inequality yet – what they need is to learn that it’s okay to talk about differences, that everyone deserves to be treated kindly, and that being different isn’t a bad thing. Any resource that tries to dump heavy content on them is just going to go over their head, and leave you both feeling awkward. It’s okay to start small.
I still mess up. Last week Mia asked why the lady at the coffee shop sounded different than me, and I rambled a little and changed the subject before I could think of what to say. And some days she’d rather read Dog Man than any of the picture books I have, and that’s fine. I don’t force it. The point isn’t to check a box, it’s to make talking about difference a normal part of life.
Right now, the stack of short picture books by the bed, the skin-tone crayons in the coloring bin, and the habit of answering her questions simply instead of brushing them off is working. I don’t know if I’m doing this perfectly. I’m still looking for new things to try as she gets older and asks harder questions. But for right now, this is enough.
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