Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Actually Works
The splinter on the park bench bit my calf just as my 5-year-old daughter Lila came barrelling over, half-empty apple juice box sloshing over the sides. “Mom,” she said, loud enough that the mom on the next bench looked over, “why is Mia’s skin darker than mine?”
I froze mid-goldfish cracker. I knew better than to shush her or say “we don’t talk about that”—that just tells kids difference is something scary or shameful. But I also had no clue how to answer a question that big in terms a kid who still negotiates for an extra cookie after dinner would understand. That night, after I got her in pajamas and brushed her teeth, I sat down on the couch and Googled “anti-racism resources for 5 year old.” What I got was a flood of lists full of dense books, curriculum kits for older kids, and thinkpieces that might as well have been written in another language. I was overwhelmed before I even started.
I’d heard so many people say you need to start talking about racism young, but no one was telling me what that actually looks like for a kid who can barely sit through a 10-minute story. I ordered three of the most recommended picture books first, just to test them out. The first one was full of references to unfair laws and protests that Lila had no frame of reference for. Halfway through, she asked if we could get out the playdough instead, and I couldn’t blame her. The second one was all about how people are hurt because of racism, and it left her asking if all dark-skinned people were sad all the time, which I definitely wasn’t ready to untangle that night. I started to think I was doing this all wrong.
I texted my friend Jen, who’s a preschool teacher with a 5-year-old of her own, and she told me something that changed everything: 5-year-olds are concrete thinkers. They don’t care about systems or complicated history yet. They care about their friends, their snacks, and whether something is fair. So your resources don’t need to be fancy or cover everything all at once. They just need to meet your kid where they are. Then she gave me a short list of things that actually worked for her class, and we’ve been testing them out for the past two months.
First, the picture books that actually held Lila’s attention and answered her questions without overwhelming her. The first is The Skin You Live In, which uses simple rhymes and compares different skin tones to things kids know: cookies, coffee, caramel, cream. Lila spent 20 minutes after we finished holding her arm up next to each page to see which one matched her, then asked to bring it to the park to show Mia. It doesn’t get into heavy stuff, it just says all skin is good skin, and that’s exactly what a 5-year-old needs right now. The second is Hair Love, which is just a sweet story about a dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair. There’s no big forced lesson about racism, it’s just a story about a family loving each other. Lila asks to read it at least once a week, and she loves pointing out how the main character’s braids are just like Mia’s. That kind of normalizing, Jen explained, is way more important than hitting them with hard stuff too early.
Beyond books, there are tiny, low-effort resources that fit right into everyday life that I never would have thought of before. I ordered a pack of 12 multicolor skin tone crayons for our art bin for $5, and a pack of multicolor adhesive bandages for the junk drawer. It sounds too small to matter, but before that, Lila would always use the pale peach crayon to draw Mia, and then say it didn’t look right. Now she can match exactly, and it’s no big deal. I also found a 30-minute kids’ playlist on Spotify called “All Kinds of Kids” that’s full of simple, upbeat songs about friendship and being yourself. Lila requests it every time we get in the car, and she walks around singing one line about “every color is beautiful” all day.
We also swapped out a few of our regular kids’ show picks to include more shows that have diverse main characters just living normal lives, not just showing up for a one-off diversity lesson. Bluey has had multiple episodes with Black and brown families that are just normal episodes about going to the park or playing a game, no big speech. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood has a wide cast of characters from different backgrounds, and Lila doesn’t think anything of it—it just feels normal to her. That’s a resource too, I realized. You don’t have to have a formal lesson every time.
Just last week, at Lila’s birthday party, I saw it click. A little boy pointed at Mia’s braids and said they looked weird. Before I could even stand up, Lila walked right over, grabbed Mia’s hand, and said “They’re not weird, they’re pretty. All hair is good hair, my book says so.” Then they both ran off to hit the piñata. That’s all I could ask for right now.
I still don’t have it all figured out. Sometimes Lila asks a question I don’t know how to answer, like why some kids don’t have enough toys to play with, and I just tell her that sometimes the world isn’t fair right now, but we always stand up for our friends and be kind to everyone, and that’s enough for her. I still scroll through lists of resources sometimes and feel like I’m missing something. But now I know that for a 5-year-old, you don’t need a 100-page curriculum or expensive workbooks. All you need are simple, small tools that answer their questions, normalize difference, and fit into their world. This weekend, we’re trying a simple snack activity I found online where we match different crackers and cookies to different skin tones, and eat them when we’re done. It’s messy, it’s simple, and it’s exactly what we need right now.
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