Click below 👇 Card follow me, set as ⭐ Every father hopes that their children can grow up healthy, happy, and confident. But few people realize that a child’s sense of inferiority is often closely related to the influence of their father. Psychologist Erikson once mentioned that the age of 6 to 12 is a critical stage for a child’s personality development, and this stage is also the beginning for a child to gradually detach from their mother’s embrace and move towards society. In this process, the role of the father is particularly important, as his words and actions can profoundly affect the child’s self-awareness and personality shaping. The source of inferiority complex: Father’s deficiency and negation. At the age of 6 to 12, fathers are not only role models for their children, but also their “first judge” of the external world. The father’s evaluation and feedback towards the child, especially negative evaluations, may deeply implant in the child’s heart. For example, when a child comes home with their transcript and expects their father’s affirmation and pride, if the father’s response at this time is: “It’s okay, but we need to work harder next time.” The child will develop a sense of powerlessness deep inside, and they will unconsciously agree with their father’s denial. As this feeling accumulates, the child’s self-esteem will be hurt, and over time, an inferiority complex will form. There is a concept in psychology called “loyalty to the father”, which means that children often internalize their father’s evaluation and consider themselves as the unrecognized and not good enough “child”. When children encounter failures in life, they often unconsciously associate this “sense of failure” with their father’s expectations. In the long run, children may spend their entire lives seeking their father’s recognition and praise, but often find that their father does not easily give praise. So, children will seek their father’s recognition in their achievements, and some people will gradually realize that this pursuit is only their own inner needs, not their father’s true reaction. From inferiority to transcendence: the correct guidance of a father. Of course, this “strict father” role of a father is not necessarily malicious, but rather a continuation of social customs: strict father and loving mother. Fathers habitually demand high standards from their children while ignoring their inner needs. During this process, the father may not realize that he is inadvertently deepening his child’s sense of inferiority. And this sense of inferiority is often demonized by us as an obstacle to children’s progress. In fact, feelings of inferiority are not entirely negative. Moderate feelings of inferiority can actually stimulate children’s efforts and fighting spirit. A child who has grown up in long-term challenges and suppression often has more resilience and stronger psychological resilience when facing difficulties. Inferiority can encourage children to become more cautious and attentive, and not easily collapse when faced with failure. In “Inferiority and Transcendence”, Adler emphasizes the importance of “transcendence”, which means that we can overcome our sense of inferiority through active effort and adjustment, and thus achieve personal growth and transcendence. This viewpoint has great enlightening significance for fathers in educating their children. Fathers should not blindly give pressure or excessive negation in the process of education, but should use motivation, support, and correct guidance to teach children how to overcome inferiority, discover their strengths, and continue to play to them. For example, when a child performs poorly in a certain aspect, the father’s task is not to simply criticize, but to help the child analyze the root of the problem, encourage the child to learn from the failure, and adjust their own methods. Fathers can demonstrate to their children how to face challenges and failures through their own actions, allowing them to experience the power of “overcoming inferiority complex”. Three things that excellent fathers can do: 1. Respect and identify with their children’s personalities: Do not make unfair comparisons with other children, but focus on their growth process and uniqueness, and give them the recognition and support they deserve. 2. Leading by example, demonstrating confidence and resilience: Fathers are one of the earliest role models for children. Children will learn from their fathers how to cope with setbacks and failures. Fathers should convey a positive attitude towards life to their children through their own actions. 3. Encourage children to face challenges: Fathers should help their children build the courage to face challenges and not give them negative evaluations just because of their failures. Failure is the mother of success, and children need to draw strength from it instead of deepening their sense of inferiority. In the end, Adler once said: Self doubt is the norm of human growth, but it is not an insurmountable dilemma. With the support of their father and proper educational guidance, children can fully transform their inferiority complex into a driving force for growth. The responsibility of a father is not only to provide material security, but more importantly, to give emotional recognition and support to children during their growth process, helping them build confidence from within, overcome inferiority, and achieve a better version of themselves. I hope every dad can find their right place in education!
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