Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After Having a Couple of Vacations? A Parent’s Honest Guide
Last month, I was sitting on my back porch peeling flaky sunburn off my shoulders after our family’s annual beach trip, when my younger sister texted out of the blue: “OK, real talk. Should Jake and I hold off on trying to get pregnant until we get these two big vacations out of the way? Everyone’s on my case about waiting so long. Half say I’m being silly, half say I’ll regret it if I don’t.”
I remembered that exact question sitting in my lap eight years ago. My husband and I had booked two trips right after our wedding: a long weekend hiking in the Rockies we’d locked in 18 months prior, and a 10-day bucket list trip to Japan that we’d drained our savings to afford. Our friends and family were split right down the middle, same as my sister’s. One side said “just start trying now, you never know how long it’ll take, don’t delay.” The other said “wait, you’ll never get this kind of no-kid, no-routine alone time ever again.”
I took a test the night before we left for the Rockies, because my period was a day late, and it came back positive. I cried in the bathroom stall of the gas station we stopped at on the way to the airport, not because I didn’t want the baby, but because I immediately started second-guessing every choice. Did I just ruin our big trips? Would we never get to have that carefree time we’d been planning?
I spent the first two days of the Rockies trip throwing up in our lodge bathroom, and we had to scrap the 10-mile alpine hike I’d been daydreaming about for a year. We ended up driving into the nearest small town, hunkering down in a coffee shop with a fireplace, and just staying there for three days. We played four straight games of cribbage, read whole novels without checking our phones once, and talked through what we actually wanted parenthood to look like, instead of just scrolling through other people’s baby photos on Instagram. That trip ended up being one of my favorite memories we have, even though it was nothing like we planned.
We didn’t get to go to Japan until our daughter was 4. The original trip I dreamed of included sushi at 10pm, bar hopping in Shinjuku, and 12-hour days walking around temples. The actual trip we took with a 4-year-old included lots of snack breaks, a hotel room with a bathtub so she could play with rubber ducks, and us taking turns carrying her on our backs when she got tired. It was great, but it was totally different. It wasn’t the trip I’d been saving for.
I have one friend, Lila, who waited 18 months to get pregnant so she and her husband could do a safari and a two-week trip through Italy. She says it was the best decision she ever made. She came back relaxed, didn’t spend the whole first year of parenthood regretting the trips she never got to take, and was ready to settle into a new routine. I have another friend, Mia, who also waited 18 months for two big trips, then ended up needing fertility treatments that took two more years to work. She still says she wishes she’d started trying sooner, changed the trip dates instead of canceling or delaying the whole process.
When people ask me this question now, I don’t give them a yes or no. I tell them to do three concrete things, instead of just listening to everyone else’s opinion. First, write down what you actually want out of these vacations, not just the vague line “I want alone time.” What specific things are non-negotiable for you? If your dream is to hike the Inca Trail, that’s a multi-day high-altitude trek most OBs won’t clear you for pregnant, and it’s really hard to pull off with a toddler in tow. That’s a good reason to wait. If your dream vacation is a week at your family’s annual beach house, that’s something you can do pregnant, or with a small baby, with only minor adjustments. That’s not a good reason to delay.
Second, pull up your trip booking confirmation and check the fine print. Can you get a full refund if you have to cancel because of morning sickness or a high-risk pregnancy? Can you change the dates for a $100 fee, max? If the answer is yes, there’s no harm in starting to try now, and adjusting your plans if you get pregnant. If you put down a $5,000 non-refundable deposit that you can’t afford to lose, that’s a very practical reason to wait until after you go.
Third, write down how long you’re planning to wait, then talk about that timeline with your OB or fertility provider. If your trips are six months from now, and you’re 31 with no known fertility issues, that’s a totally low-risk delay. If your trips are 18 months from now, and you’re 37 with a diagnosis of PCOS, that’s a much bigger trade-off to consider. You don’t have to base your decision on what someone your cousin’s friend did. Base it on your own body and your own timeline.
That’s what we talked through with my sister. Her two trips are Portugal in four months and a family cruise for her husband’s mom’s 60th in seven months. She’s 31, no fertility red flags, the Portugal trip is non-refundable, and her whole goal is to walk 10 miles a day around Lisbon, eat as many pasteis de nata as she wants, and drink port with dinner every night. She didn’t want to spend the whole trip nauseous or missing out on the things she’d been looking forward to. The total wait was seven months, and her doctor said that was totally fine. So they decided to wait, and start trying when they get home.
Last week, she texted me a photo, sun on her face, powdered sugar from a pasteis de nata on her chin, sitting at an outdoor cafe in Lisbon. She said she’s so glad she made the choice she did. I don’t think that means waiting is the right choice for everyone, though. Mia still says she’d do it differently, and I don’t regret getting pregnant before my trips, even though it didn’t go the way I planned. Right now, I’m saving up for a kid-free long weekend with my husband next year, our first trip alone since our daughter was born. Turns out, that carefree alone time everyone talks about doesn’t have to all happen before you have kids. You can carve out little bits of it later, too. The only wrong answer is the one that doesn’t fit what you actually need.
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