Age Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Actually Works
Last month, my 5-year-old Lila barreled through the front door after preschool, crumpled crayon drawing clutched in one fist, and asked, “Why did Mia say my hair is ‘too brown’ to be a princess?” I was mid-stir of boxed mac and cheese, salt shaker hovering over the pot, and my brain went blank. I knew this moment would come eventually, but I had no idea how to talk about it, let alone what resources would make this conversation make sense for a kid who still forgets to put her shoes on the correct feet. After I gave Lila a hug and validated that yes, that comment was very hurtful, I pulled out my phone and started searching. Every result I clicked either was aimed at parents of teens, broke down historical events that would go right over a 5 year old’s head, or suggested 10-page discussion guides that felt totally out of reach for a kid who can’t sit still for 10 minutes straight. I realized I wasn’t the only one stuck: hundreds of other parents were asking the same question in forum threads, with no clear, simple answer.
I texted my sister, who teaches pre-K at a public school a few towns over, and she wrote back 2 minutes later: Stop overcomplicating it. 5 year olds think in pictures and stories and everyday moments, not big abstract words. You don’t need to explain systemic inequality to them right now. You just need to help them see that different is good, and being mean to someone because of how they look is wrong. Then she gave me a short list of things she uses in her classroom that actually work.
I started with the books she recommended, and headed to the local library to pick them up that weekend. The first was Hair Love by Matthew Cherry, a short story about a dad learning to style his Black daughter’s curly hair for a big day. The illustrations are bright, the story is sweet, and there’s no heavy history or sad parts to parse. Lila loved it immediately, pointing out that the main character’s hair is just as curly as hers, just a shade darker. She asked me to read it three times in a row before bed. The other was The Skin You Live In, which uses simple, silly rhymes to talk about all the different shades of human skin. By the end of the book, Lila was holding up her arm next to mine next to our cat’s orange fur, pointing out all the different colors and laughing. It didn’t feel like a lesson. It just felt like a story.
The next thing I did was the cheapest, easiest change I’ve ever made: I threw out our old 8-pack of crayons that only had one “skin color” – a pale peach that didn’t match anyone in our family – and ordered a 12-pack of skin-tone crayons for $4. Before that, Lila always used that pale peach to draw every person she drew, even though my skin is deep brown and her dad’s is olive. The first time she used the new crayons, she drew our whole family, our next-door neighbor who moved in last year (who is Black), and her teacher, and didn’t even comment on the different colors. She just drew what she saw, and that was that. That small change did more to normalize difference for her than any long conversation I could have had.
I realized after a couple of weeks that I’d been making two big mistakes before I found these resources. First, I thought that talking about anti-racism with a 5 year old meant scaring them with all the bad things that have happened to people of color. But the truth is, 5 year olds already notice difference. They notice skin color, hair texture, different names, different foods people bring to snack time. If you tell them not to notice, or shush them when they point out a difference, they learn that difference is awkward, or bad, instead of just a normal part of how people are. Second, I thought I needed expensive, curated resources to do this right. But most of what’s working for us is cheap or free. We watch 5-minute Sesame Street clips about being friends with everyone who looks different when we’re waiting for dinner sometimes. Lila loves the ones with Elmo, and they’re short enough to hold her attention.
Not everything has worked, of course. I checked out a well-reviewed picture book about the civil rights movement that a blog recommended, and halfway through reading it, Lila got quiet and asked why people wouldn’t let little kids play on the same playground. I tried to explain, but it just made her sad and confused. I put the book on the top shelf of my closet, and we’ll pull it out again when she’s 8 or 9 and can understand that kind of unfairness better. That’s okay, right? You don’t have to cover every part of this topic all at once.
Last week at the playground, Lila pointed to a little boy wearing a turban playing on the slide and asked me what that was on his head. A year ago, I would have shushed her and pulled her away, worried I’d offend his parents. Instead, I waved to his mom to make sure it was okay to go over, then let Lila ask her question. The boy, who was 6, told us it’s a turban for his Sikh religion, and it keeps his long hair neat. Then we all played tag for 20 minutes. That’s anti-racism work for a 5 year old, I think. It’s not marches or big speeches. It’s just letting your kid ask questions, and not pretending we’re all the same when we’re not.
It’s still a work in progress. I fumble my words sometimes, I forget to pull out the good crayons when we’re drawing at the park, and sometimes Lila repeats something silly she heard another kid say that I have to correct. But right now, this is what works. The short stories, the $4 pack of crayons, not shushing curiosity. I’m not raising a perfect activist overnight. I’m just laying small, gentle foundations, one drawing and one bedtime story at a time. We’ll figure the rest out as we go.
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