Why Your Teen Might Ask ‘Do People Really Find Life Worth Living?’ And What To Do Next
I was wiping dried fettuccine Alfredo off the kitchen counter last month when my 16-year-old, Javi, leaned against the fridge and asked, out of nowhere, “Do people really find life worth living?” His math homework was crumpled next to the coffee pot, our golden retriever was napping at his feet, and my 11-year-old was cackling at a SpongeBob rerun in the living room. It was just a regular Tuesday, nothing dramatic, and that made the question hit harder.
My first instinct was to do the thing we’re all taught to do—brush off the darkness with a big, cheery reassurance. Of course it is! Just look at your friends, your hiking trips, how good your homemade pasta turns out! But I stopped mid-wipe, because I’d seen the TikTok he’d been scrolling 10 minutes earlier: a 20-something guy sitting in a dark room ranting about how everyone just works 40 hours a week to pay for a house they never get to enjoy, then dies, and no one ever admits it’s all a waste. I also knew Javi’s ankle still ached six weeks after his injury ended his soccer season, and he’d pulled three all-nighters that week for AP Bio midterms. Cheerful lies wouldn’t work here.
I put down the sponge first, and I asked the question I tell all the parents I work with (I teach 10th grade part-time) to ask first, straight out: “Are you feeling so bad right now that you want to hurt yourself?” It feels awkward to say out loud, but it’s non-negotiable. Too many parents beat around the bush because they’re scared to bring it up, but being direct doesn’t put the idea in anyone’s head—it just gives them space to tell the truth. Javi blinked, then shook his head. “No. I just… wanna know the real answer. Everyone lies about this, right?”
I pulled out a chair next to him and sat down. I said, “Some days I don’t. Two weeks ago, when the water heater broke and we got that $1,800 bill, I was folding socks at 10:30 at night after working all day, and I thought, ‘What’s the point of this? I’m just gonna fold these socks, you guys are gonna wear them, get them dirty, and I’ll be folding them again next week.’ That day, I didn’t think life was all that worth it.” Javi’s eyes went wide. He’d never heard me say anything like that. He’d only ever seen me complain about the bills then move on like it didn’t get to me.
He said that’s what all the online creators say—adults just fake being happy. I said they’re half right. A lot of life is just boring, annoying stuff that doesn’t feel worth it day to day. No one feels like life is this amazing adventure every single day. The thing no one tells you, though, is that it doesn’t have to be big grand stuff to add up. I didn’t say “you’ll go to college and fall in love and have amazing adventures” because that’s abstract when you’re 16 and can’t even run right now. I just listed small stuff he actually knows: “I like that our dog waits by the door for you every day after school. I like that you save me the last bite of your chocolate chip cookie when you bake. I like that the taco truck on 5th gives you extra limes because they know you like them. None of that is big. But that’s the stuff that makes it worth it, most days.”
After that, I didn’t push him to feel better. I didn’t say “see? it’s all good!” He just nodded, and said he hadn’t thought about it that way. Then he got up and went to play Valorant with his friend. That’s the thing most parents get wrong, I think. When your kid asks a big, dark question, they don’t need you to fix it in 10 minutes. They just need you to not lie to them. They’re not always asking for an answer—they’re asking if you’ll be honest with them about how messy life actually is.
I’ve had three other parents reach out to me in the last two months saying their teens asked this exact same question, after seeing that same viral trend of bleak “real talk” content online. It’s not that teens are more miserable than they used to be, it’s that they’re tired of the fake perfection they see on Instagram and the performative bleakness they see on TikTok, and they just want to know what real life is actually like. It’s a normal developmental step, too—when kids hit adolescence, they start questioning all the unspoken rules adults have always handed them, and that includes the unspoken rule that you have to pretend life is always great.
Last week, we drove home from Javi’s physical therapy, and he was quiet for a minute, then he said, “I still don’t have a, like, one-size-fits-all answer to that question I asked. But today after PT, I got an al pastor taco, and it was really good, and the dog was really happy to see me when we got home, so… that’s something, right?” I said yeah, that’s enough for today. Some days it’ll be more than that, some days it’ll be less. We don’t have to have the big answer all the time.
That’s where we are right now. It’s not perfect, it’s not fixed. Javi still gets sore and frustrated about his ankle, he still complains about AP Bio, I still have nights where I stare at a sink full of dishes and wonder what the point is. But we don’t lie about it anymore. And that’s enough for now.
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