Why Does My Middle School Feel More Like K-5? What Parents and Teachers Should Know
Last Tuesday, I waited in the idling car pickup line at my son Javi’s middle school, picking at a half-eaten granola bar and watching the first wave of kids spill out of the front doors. Javi trundled over, backpack slipping off one shoulder, and slouched into the passenger seat before he said it: “I swear, this place is just elementary school with bigger lockers and worse pizza.”
I volunteer in the school library once a month, so I’d been noticing the same thing for a while. Morning announcements remind 13-year-old 8th graders not to run in the hallways, same as they reminded Javi when he was in 2nd grade. Teachers blow whistles to corral kids moving between classes, and the front desk still sends out daily reminder emails about packing snow boots, as if no one between 11 and 14 can check the forecast themselves. Last month’s fire drill ended with teachers making all kids line up in straight, single-file rows and hold the hand of the person next to them if they were at the end of the line. A 14-year-old I know posted a photo of her hand holding her classmate’s on Instagram that night with the caption “they treat us like toddlers.”
A couple weeks ago, Javi had a science project that required photos of local oak trees. He asked his teacher if he could leave school 20 minutes early to walk the half-mile to the city park down the street to get his shots, since the school grounds only have maple trees. Even with my signed note saying I okayed it, the administration said no. K-5 has a rule that no kid leaves property unsupervised, and the rule applies to everyone now, no exceptions.
I brought this up at parent-teacher conferences back in October, with Javi’s guidance counselor, Ms. Lopez. She didn’t sugarcoat it. She said after the pandemic, when so many kids missed years of consistent in-person structure, admin overcorrected and decided all grades needed the same rigid rules that work for little kids. A lot of veteran middle school teachers retired or moved to other districts the past three years, and most new hires are certified in elementary education, so they default to the classroom management they know best. Most of all, liability: if something goes wrong, the school is far less likely to get in trouble if they followed the same K-5 safety rules for everyone, even if those rules make no sense for pre-teens and young teens.
What no one seems to talk about much is that middle school is exactly when kids need to practice messing up small things on their own. If you never let them forget their lunch, never let them walk a block alone, never let them turn in an assignment a day late to learn the consequence, they don’t learn how to manage their own lives. I saw that with the lunch thing earlier this semester. Javi forgot his lunch, the office called me at work mid-meeting demanding I bring it. I told them I couldn’t leave, and asked if he could just buy a lunch from the cafeteria. They said his account didn’t have money, and they couldn’t extend credit. I ended up Venmoing the secretary $5 to load his account, but after that, I told Javi: from now on, if you forget your lunch, that’s your problem. You can use your allowance money to buy one, or ask a friend for a snack, but I’m not leaving work to bring it to you. He forgot twice in the first month, and now he hasn’t forgotten in almost three months. That’s the lesson schools should be teaching, right? Not just remembering a lunch, but remembering what happens when you forget.
It’s easy to get frustrated and demand the whole school overhaul its policies, but that almost never happens fast. What we’ve found as a small group of parents talking about this issue is that small, specific asks work better than big overhauls. Instead of demanding the school scrap the whole cell phone collection rule, we asked for an 8th grade only trial: 8th graders can keep their phones between classes, and any kid who uses it during class loses the privilege for a month. It’s a small change, low risk for admin, and it gives kids the responsibility they’re asking for.
For teachers who work at a middle school that’s stuck in K-5 mode, you don’t have to fight admin to make a difference. You can let kids choose their own groups for projects instead of assigning them. You can stop sending daily reminders about upcoming assignments, and let kids check the online class calendar themselves. You can let 7th graders go to the bathroom without a hall pass as long as only one person goes at a time. These are all small changes that don’t draw attention, but they let kids practice being independent. For parents, even if the school won’t change, you can give that autonomy at home. Let your 12-year-old walk to the store alone to get a gallon of milk. Let them plan their own homework schedule for the week, and let them deal with the bad grade if they procrastinate. Let them use their own allowance to buy the things they want, instead of you just buying it for them when they ask. These small moments add up, even when the school is still treating them like little kids.
Right now, our trial request for 8th grade is still making its way through the school committee. Some parents are worried it’ll lead to chaos, more phone use in class, more safety issues. We get that—change is scary. But we’re not asking to let 6th graders leave campus unsupervised or throw out all rules. We’re just asking to let middle schoolers be middle schoolers, not 5-year-olds with bigger backpacks. At home, it’s working. Javi now packs his own lunch, does his own laundry, and remembers to check the forecast for snow boots without me reminding him. The school is still slow to change, and that’s okay. We’re taking it one small step at a time.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Why Does My Middle School Feel More Like K-5