When Your CS Graduate Wants to Pursue Film: What I Learned As A Parent
The garlic bread was still warm on the counter when my son slid his computer science graduation announcement across the table, then followed it with a printed confirmation for an unpaid local indie film production internship. “I turned down the software engineer offer from Google,” he said, stabbing a lasagna noodle like he expected me to start an argument right there.
I’d spent four years bragging about his grades, his internships, that upcoming job that came with a starting salary most people twice his age don’t make. I’d nudged him toward CS all through high school, because I’d seen how stable tech jobs were through two recessions. I’d written off his weekend film projects, his spring break trips to tiny film festivals, that beat-up DSLR he’d bought with his first internship check as just a fun hobby—something to unwind after coding. I never thought he’d walk away from the “sure thing” we’d both worked toward.
My first reaction was exactly what you’d expect. “Twelve hundred a week in rent for that internship, and it pays nothing? You spent four years getting this degree just to carry camera gear for strangers?” He pushed his plate away and said, “I cried every Sunday night for the last six months before job interviews. I don’t care about the salary. I hate writing code. I just kept doing it because you always said it’s the smart choice.”
That stung, enough that I didn’t push it further that night. I went for a walk around the block, and instead of calling my sister to rant about how ungrateful he was, I called my old college roommate who now works as a high school guidance counselor. She didn’t tell me to just “be supportive” or “give him space” — that vague advice that doesn’t help when you’re panicking about your kid throwing away their future. She told me to do three concrete things, and that’s what I ended up doing.
First, we sat down two nights later to map out a full year of logistics, not just talk about the end goal of making movies. I didn’t accept “I’ll just figure it out” as an answer. We pulled up a spreadsheet together, added up his savings from two summer CS internships — about $13,000 total — then calculated rent, groceries, gas, insurance, and the random costs that pop up (gear repairs, festival entry fees, food when he’s working 14 hour days on set). It turned out his savings covered every expense for a full year, no help from us needed. I still offered to keep him on our family health insurance for the year, which took a huge weight off both of us. That was my contribution, no strings attached. We didn’t have to cut him off to teach him a lesson, and he didn’t have to drain our retirement to follow his dream.
Second, we agreed on a 12-month timeline with a clear check-in at the end. No quitting after three months if it gets hard, but no pressure to stick it out forever if it’s not what he expected. We both agreed that if after 12 months he hates it, there’s still endless demand for CS grads, and he can still get a good job. A year isn’t that big of a gap on a resume, especially when you can point to all the project management and technical skills you picked up along the way.
The third thing that surprised me was realizing his CS degree wasn’t a waste. I’d bought into the idea that switching paths meant throwing away four years of work, but that’s not true at all. My son called me a month into the internship and told me he’s the only person on the small production team who can troubleshoot their editing software, build a quick website for the film, or automate their scheduling spreadsheet. He’s already gotten extra side gigs editing small local commercials because he can work faster than most freelance editors who don’t have his background in tech. Those CS skills are making him more valuable as a filmmaker, not less.
It’s been eight months now. He works 60 hour weeks most weeks, carries 30 pound camera bags up three flights of stairs, still makes no regular income. He calls me once a week, usually while he’s walking to the set, and he never sounds drained the way he did when he was cramming for coding exams. Last week he sent me a photo of a $1,800 check he got for editing a local car dealership’s commercial. He was grinning so wide his eyes crinkled, like it was a million dollar paycheck.
I still worry sometimes. I worry he’ll never be able to afford a down payment on a house, or that he’ll burn out chasing indie film roles that never pay enough. Our 12-month check-in is four months away, and I don’t know what he’ll decide. He might go back to a full-time CS job, he might pivot to doing video for tech companies which combines both of his interests, or he might keep grinding on indie films. I don’t have a neat happy ending to give you. What I do know is that pushing him to stay in a job he hated just because it was safe wouldn’t have been the smart choice, no matter how much money it paid. For any other parents staring down this same decision, you don’t have to say yes or no right away. Just ask for the budget, set clear boundaries for support, and remember that a career doesn’t have to be a straight line to be worth it.
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