The ‘hungry rat effect’ refers to the fact that excessive satisfaction can lead to premature aging and short lifespan, while moderate moderation can develop well.
Introduction: Why do some children ‘lie flat’ while others become more resilient as they struggle. Why does a child’s mental state plummet.
He used to be clever and top performing academically, but now he is addicted to mobile games all day long, perfunctory in his studies, and even needs his parents to urge him on the most basic daily chores; A sentence like ‘I don’t want to learn anymore’ or ‘Learning is useless’ makes parents anxious.
Have you ever faced such a scene and asked yourself countless times: Where did I go wrong. I once had the same confusion until I understood the famous “hungry rat effect” in psychology.
This experiment made me suddenly realize that children’s “laziness” and “lying flat” are not innate, but the consequences of excessive satisfaction.
Fortunately, I adjusted my educational approach in a timely manner, helping children regain their motivation for learning and passion for life.
What is the ‘hungry rat effect’. What is hidden behind a child’s’ lying flat ‘. The ‘hungry rat effect’ is a classic experiment by American psychologist McKay: researchers divided weaned mice into two groups.
The first group was given sufficient food and was able to eat full every day; The second group was only provided with 60% of the food each time.
It was found that although the first group of mice ate well, they were slow to move, had low immunity, and even died early; The second group of mice, although experiencing hunger, showed greater flexibility, smoother fur, and longer lifespan.
This experiment tells us that excessive satisfaction can weaken an individual’s survival ability, while moderate “hunger” can stimulate their potential.
If we apply this theory to children, we will find that when parents blindly satisfy their children’s needs and replace them in completing responsibilities, their independence, self-discipline, and resilience will be severely weakened.
Children who live in a “greenhouse” for a long time may appear carefree on the surface, but lack the desire for goals and motivation for the future in their hearts.
Once they encounter setbacks, ‘lying flat’ becomes their safe haven. 03 Root of the problem: We are too “good” to our children.
Looking back on the process of educating my son, I realized that I made three fatal mistakes: 1. Oversatisfaction made my child lose their “desire”.
When my son was young, whenever he said “want”, I would do anything to satisfy him. On his birthday, he set his sights on a limited edition pair of sneakers worth 2000 yuan.
I knew the price was high, but I still gritted my teeth and bought them. What was the result. After wearing the shoes a few times, he shelved them.
He gradually became indifferent to anything, even unclear about what he wanted and why he wanted it. 2.
Overprotection deprives children of opportunities for growth. From childhood to adulthood, I have taken care of almost all the trivial matters in their lives.
Wake him up in the morning, remind him to do his homework at night, and even help him tidy up his clothes and backpack.
I thought it was for the sake of the child, but in reality, it deprived him of the opportunity to develop his independence.
Over time, he became accustomed to dependence and would only avoid problems, even unwilling to take on the most basic life responsibilities.
3. Excessive interference weakens the child’s self-management ability. Once the child’s academic performance declines, I start to supervise every step of him meticulously.
Staring at his homework every day, correcting his mistakes, and even helping him plan his review schedule.
My well intentioned approach has made him increasingly disillusioned with learning, and even developed a resistance towards it.
After understanding the root of these problems, I realized that true love is not unconditional satisfaction, but moderate “letting go”.
Only by allowing children to experience hunger appropriately can they find their own sense of value and achievement through hard work.
04 Solution: 3-step adjustment to stimulate children’s intrinsic motivation. Step 1: Take a step back and actively “show weakness” to make children feel needed.
What children need is not a “super mom”, but a parent who knows how to “show weakness”. Moderate concessions can not only stimulate children’s sense of responsibility, but also help them regain confidence.
Learn to “ask for help” with children: After buying groceries on weekends, I no longer carry everything alone like before.
Instead, I say to my son, “These things are too heavy for my mom to carry. Can you help me carry a bag.
” When he finishes, I will promptly praise him, saying, “Thank you, you are really a good helper to my mom.
” Create small challenges to strengthen my sense of achievement: Once the kitchen gas stove broke down, I pretended to be at a loss and asked my son for help.
He tried for a while and found that the problem was only that the battery was dead. After replacing it with a new battery, the gas stove returned to normal.
I looked at him with admiration and said, ‘You’re really amazing. Mom didn’t even expect this problem.
‘ His face showed a long lost smile. Through this approach, I have noticed that my son is becoming more proactive and even arranges some household chores on his own.
This feeling of being needed helped him rediscover the value of life. Step 2: Moderately let go and let the child take responsibility and consequences.
From the child being bedridden to procrastinating on homework, I have decided not to rush everything as before, but to return the responsibility to him.
Only when he has personally experienced the consequences of procrastination can he understand what “his own responsibility” is.
Stop the endless urging: When he wakes up in the morning and can’t get up, I only remind him once: ‘Class is 20 minutes away.
‘ I then go get busy with my own things. If he is late, I will no longer make excuses to excuse him, but let him explain to the teacher himself.
After being late several times, he finally realized that he could only bear the consequences of staying in bed.
Develop a learning “contract”: I no longer supervise his homework every day, but agree with him that after completing the learning tasks every day, the remaining time is at his discretion.
This arrangement made him feel the trust of his parents and also stimulated his self-management ability.
Step 3: Maintain a state of “mild hunger” appropriately, making the child’s growth “a bit more difficult”.
The child’s growth cannot be separated from an appropriate sense of “hunger”. A child who has been “fed too much” since childhood is destined to find it difficult to feel the meaning of effort.
I started encouraging children to strive for what they want through their own efforts. Distinguishing between “needs” and “wants”: When my son expressed his desire to buy a new phone, I told him, “If you really need it, you can earn points by working hard.
After accumulating a certain score, we can consider it. ” Reading for half an hour every day earns 1 point, doing housework earns 1 point, and completing homework on time earns 3 points.
This point system not only gives him a clear goal for his behavior,
It also made him understand the relationship between “effort and reward”.
Encourage persistence and cultivate resilience: At first, he persisted in reading for half an hour every day in order to earn points.
Later on, he gradually fell in love with reading and even took the initiative to remind me, ‘Mom, I haven’t read a book yet today.
‘ When he felt the power of persistence, his self-discipline also greatly improved. Expected effect: A more independent, confident, and self disciplined child.
Through these three steps of adjustment, I found that my son is no longer addicted to his phone, but has begun to actively share household chores and arrange study plans.
His academic performance has gradually improved, and he has more expectations for his future. What moved me the most was that he learned to be grateful and cherish, and began to understand his parents’ well intentioned efforts.
Remember: good education is not about simply satisfying oneself, but about teaching children to work hard in a moderate sense of hunger; Not just providing shelter, but letting children learn to grow in the wind and rain.
Only children who have experienced the ‘hungry rat effect’ can truly have the courage and ability to face the future.
06 Summary: Let children’s growth be “harder” and their future path be “brighter”. Dear parents, children’s growth cannot be separated from our guidance, but this guidance is not about being taken care of or protected, but about moderate “letting go” and “guidance”.
May we all become warm and rational supporters in children’s lives, accompanying them out of confusion and towards light.
what about you. Do you also have confusion and insights in parenting. Welcome to share in the comment section and discuss together.
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