What to Do When Your Child Says ‘Some of My Teachers Mock Me’
The wet scent of my 13-year-old Mia’s soccer cleats filled the car last Tuesday, and I was halfway through singing along to her favorite Olivia Rodrigo track when she mumbled it, picking at a hole in the cuff of her gray hoodie: “Some of my teachers mock me.” I turned the radio down immediately. She’d been dragging her feet going to school for three weeks, and I’d been prodding for the real reason, turning up my nose at the generic “it’s fine” she kept serving up. This wasn’t fine.
She told me it’s two teachers, not all. History and math. Two weeks before that car ride, the history teacher called on her to read a paragraph out loud, even though she’d already told him at the start of the semester she doesn’t like reading in front of people because of her dyslexia. She fumbled three words, and he said, “Come on, Mia, we assigned this reading last night. Did you even crack open the book?” The whole class snickered. For math, she always asks the teacher to repeat directions, because she processes slower when there’s a long string of numbers thrown at her at once. The week before, he sighed that exaggerated, put-upon sigh and said, “I just said that, Mia. Were you not paying attention?” and every head in the room turned. She said it feels like they’re mocking her for needing extra time, like she’s stupid for struggling.
My first reaction was gripping the steering wheel so tight my knuckles went white, ready to fire off an angry email to the principal that night. But I remembered what our pediatrician said when we got Mia’s dyslexia diagnosis two years prior: when kids bring you something hurtful, don’t act on your anger first. So I pulled into the parking lot of the corner gas station, got her the frozen lemonade she likes that’s way too sugary for a school night, and just sat there asking questions. I didn’t say “he didn’t mean it” or “you’re overreacting.” I just said “that sounds so awful. Tell me what happened the next time after that.” That’s the first thing I’ve learned that other parents often miss: you don’t have to fix it right there in the parking lot. You just have to get the full story first.
I went home that night and wrote down every specific incident she told me, with dates and exact quotes, not vague generalizations. I didn’t write “teachers are mean to Mia.” I wrote “10/12: History class, fumbled reading words, teacher said ‘did you even crack open the book’ in front of the whole class; 10/18: Math class, asked for directions to be repeated, teacher sighed and said ‘were you not paying attention’.” Specifics make it way harder for anyone to brush off your kid’s experience as over sensitivity.
Instead of reaching straight to the principal, I emailed Mia’s special education case manager, Ms. Lopez, who’s known Mia for two years, and asked for a 15-minute meeting before school the next week. I went in not with a demand to fire the teachers, just a question: “Mia feels mocked by these comments, what do we do here?” Ms. Lopez nodded, didn’t act like Mia was being dramatic. She explained that most of the time, this kind of casual mocking isn’t intentional cruelty. Middle school teachers juggle 120 kids a day, a bell that’s two minutes away, and a million administrative demands on top of teaching. They let an impatient comment slip out without stopping to think how it will land for a kid who already goes to bed stressed about being “behind” her peers. That hit me, because I’ve snapped at Mia for forgetting her lunch bag for the third time that week when I’m running late too. Impatience doesn’t make someone a villain, but it still hurts.
Ms. Lopez offered to reach out to the teachers first, which took the pressure off me coming in as an angry parent. She sent a gentle email, cc’ing me and the assistant principal, that gave context instead of laying blame: “Mia is working really hard on building her confidence around reading and multi-step directions, and these recent comments have left her feeling insecure about participating. Can we adjust how we respond when she needs extra time?”
Two days later, the history teacher pulled Mia aside after class and apologized. He said he’d been rushing to get through the lesson before homecoming week and didn’t think about how his comment would sound. The math teacher never apologized outright, but the next time Mia asked for directions to be repeated, he just said “sure, let me go through it slow” no sigh, no side comment. That’s enough, for now.
I’ve talked to a few other parents since this happened, and most fall into one of two camps: people who say they’d pull their kid out of the class immediately, or people who say kids just need to get used to tough teachers. Both feel wrong to me. If your kid comes to you saying they’re being mocked, you don’t have to escalate to the highest level right away, but you also don’t have to tell them to suck it up. The concrete steps we’ve used that work are simple: first, always ask for specific details before you act, that’s why the line “tell me exactly what was said and when it happened” is what I reach for every time now. Second, use the trusted support person your kid already has at the school to mediate, whether that’s a counselor, case manager, or favorite homeroom teacher—they know the culture and can get things moving faster than a parent coming in cold. Third, let your kid lead the pace. We set up a simple text check-in system: Mia sends me a 1 if it’s a comment that stings but she’s okay, a 2 if it’s something that makes her want to leave class. I don’t step in unless she asks me to, which gives her back a sense of control that the comments took away.
Last week, Mia told me she raised her hand to read two paragraphs in history, and the teacher waited for her, no rush, even nodded when she got through the whole thing. She still skips asking math questions sometimes when she’s confused, and some days she still comes home quiet and upset about an offhand comment. We haven’t fixed everything. I used to think my job as a parent was to make sure no one ever hurt my kid, that every problem had a neat solution. Now I know that most of the time, it’s just showing up, listening, and taking one small step at a time. We’re still working on it, and that’s enough for now.
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