What to Do If You Think Your Child’s Teacher Is Promoting Eating Disorder Behaviors
I was leaning against the rusted bike rack at Lila’s middle school last October, scrolling through grocery list notes on my phone, when she slammed her backpack down next to me and stuffed her uneaten peanut butter granola bar into my tote. “Can’t eat this,” she said, yanking her ponytail tighter. “Ms. Henderson said in health today that extra snacks just make you sluggish, and she skips lunch every day to stay focused.”
I was caught off guard. I knew Lila had been picking at her food since dance costume fittings a month earlier, when the director mentioned offhand that some of the leotards run tight. I’d been watching for changes, but I didn’t expect a health teacher, the person supposed to teach healthy habits, to be the one doubling down on the messy body insecurity that already follows 13-year-olds everywhere.
That night, she did homework at the kitchen table while I folded laundry, and when I leaned over to set her water bottle down, I spotted her notes in the margin of her health notebook: “Portion guide: snack = 1 apple + 1 tbsp peanut butter, no more. Ms. H says most of us eat 2x what we need.” The portion guide she’d copied down for a full lunch was barely bigger than my palm: a quarter cup of rice, four steamed broccoli florets, and three ounces of chicken. It added up to less than 300 calories, nowhere near what a growing 13-year-old needs.
I didn’t fire off a rant in the parent Facebook group that night. I just DM’d three other moms whose daughters are in the same health block, keeping it quiet: “My kid came home with some odd food comments from Ms. Henderson, did yours say anything?” Two wrote back within 10 minutes. One said her 12-year-old came home talking about Ms. Henderson’s intermittent fasting, how it cleared her acne and helped her fit into her old college sorority shirts. Another said Ms. Henderson had commented out loud that her daughter’s chocolate chip muffin was “a lot of sugar for 9 a.m.,” and now her daughter refuses to bring anything but a green banana for snack.
I thought about going straight to the principal, demanding a district-wide review. But I’ve been on PTA long enough to know that usually just makes people defensive and drags things out for months with no real change. Instead, I emailed Ms. Henderson, asked for a 15-minute chat after school the next week, no admin, just us. I brought two things with me: a photo of Lila’s margin notes, and a list of the specific comments other parents had shared. No blame, just facts.
When I sat down, I didn’t open with “you’re promoting eating disorders and hurting kids.” I said, “My daughter’s 13, and she’s really sensitive to comments about food and body right now after costume fittings. I wanted to share a few things you said in class that have stuck with her, and with a couple other kids I’ve talked to.” Then I read off the list, step by step.
She got quiet, then said she’d never thought of it that way. She said she’d struggled with her own weight as a teen, and fasting helped her feel more comfortable in her skin, so she just thought she was sharing a helpful tip. She admitted the district had never given her any actual training on what comments trigger eating disorder symptoms, just a 30-minute recorded video from 2019 she had to watch for license renewal that she’d half slept through. By the end of the chat, she apologized, and we made a plan: she’d take the old portion slide out of her presentation, stop talking about her personal diet habits in class, and put in a good word with the other health teachers for a training I was trying to organize through PTA.
Most people think a teacher promoting eating disorder behaviors is some extreme, intentional thing. But nine times out of ten, it’s just a person who’s absorbed the same diet culture the rest of us have, who doesn’t realize how vulnerable kids this age are. Thirteen is the most common age for eating disorder symptoms to start, and most of those first symptoms are triggered by an offhand comment from an adult a kid trusts.
If you’re a parent in this spot, the first thing I’ll tell you is to get specific examples before you reach out. Vague claims that “your comments are harmful” don’t land, but “my daughter wrote this down after your class and has stopped eating her afternoon snack” is impossible to brush off. Second, if you don’t see clear signs of intentional harm, start with the teacher first. Most don’t know they’re doing anything wrong, and giving them a chance to adjust is faster than fighting through admin red tape. If they get defensive and refuse to change, that’s when you bring in the principal.
If you’re a teacher reading this, one small change you can make tomorrow is stop talking about your own diet or weight in front of students. What works for your body is not a universal rule, and kids who are already struggling will take it as an order. Don’t comment on any student’s food, no matter if you think it’s “too much” or “not healthy.” That’s not your job.
At home, I added one tiny routine after all this: when we’re clearing dinner dishes, I just ask, “Any weird food comments today from anyone?” It takes 10 seconds, and it gives Lila a chance to bring stuff up without me having to grill her. When she repeats something that sounds off, I just say, “Your body is still growing, and it needs way more fuel than what works for a grown woman who’s done growing. What you eat is up to you, and I’m here to make sure you have what you need.”
It’s been five months now. Lila brings her granola bar to school every day, and eats the whole thing most of the time. The teacher training is still being scheduled, we’re waiting on a date that works for most of the staff. I still check in, I still worry sometimes. There’s always going to be another comment, from another teacher, another dance parent, another influencer on her phone. This didn’t fix diet culture or end eating disorders, but it changed one classroom, and that’s enough for right now.
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