Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After Taking a Couple of Vacations? A Parent’s Honest Take
The outdoor brunch table was sticky from spilled mimosa, and Lila was pushing the crust of her avocado toast around her plate instead of eating it. She’d just gotten engaged two weeks prior, and she and her partner had two big trips locked in: a fall backpacking trip to the Smokies with their college friends, and a two-week beach trip to Portugal the following spring. When she leaned in and asked, “Should I wait to get pregnant until after we go?”, I immediately thought back to my own kitchen table five years ago, when I was asking the exact same question.
I was 28 then, and my husband and I had our own Portugal trip planned six months out. All my coworkers told me to hold off on trying. “Once you have a kid, you’ll never get a lazy trip like that again,” one said. My mom pulled out a photo album of her trip to Greece before I was born and said she was so glad she got it out of the way. I kept seeing those “10 things to check off your list before baby” posts, and every single one had “two big vacations with your partner” near the top. Then we got pregnant on our first try, before the trip, and I spent a whole week panicking that we’d ruined everything.
First trimester hit mid-flight, I threw up in the Lisbon airport bathroom, and we scrapped the 50-mile hiking route through Sintra we’d planned months prior. We got a rental car with good AC, stopped at every pastry shop on the coast, and spent more time napping in our guesthouse than sightseeing. I still have a crumpled photo of me covered in pastel de nata powdered sugar, leaning against a sun-warmed stone wall, and that’s my favorite memory from the whole trip, not the hike we missed. When we got home, our daughter was born eight months later, and we’ve taken four more trips as a family since then. None of them have been the childfree lazy trips people warn you’ll never have again, but none of them have been the disasters people predicted either.
My cousin made the other choice, four years ago. She and her husband always wanted to do a safari in Tanzania and a backcountry ski trip in Alaska, and they put off trying for 18 months to do both. She got pregnant right after they got home, and she still says it was the best decision she ever made. Those were two trips she’d dreamed of since she was a teen, and she couldn’t have done either pregnant, or with a baby in tow. She doesn’t regret waiting at all.
After talking to dozens of friends who’ve gone both ways, I’ve realized most people give you vague advice like “follow your heart” but no one shares the small, concrete things to actually work through. It’s not a one-size-fits-all answer, but there are simple steps to sort out what’s right for you.
First, actually count how many months you’ll be waiting. “A couple of vacations” can sound like a few months, but if they’re scheduled six months and 12 months out, that’s a full year of waiting to start trying. If you’re over 30, that’s not an insignificant amount of time, fertility-wise. The first thing I suggest is scheduling a 15-minute pre-conception checkup with your OB if you’re waiting more than a year. Ask them about your specific risks, so you’re making a choice based on your body, not what an influencer says you should do. That’s a 15-minute appointment that can save you a lot of regret down the line.
Second, write down one non-negotiable thing you want to do on each of those vacations. If your non-negotiable is summiting a 14er, or that multi-day safari hike where you’re miles from a hospital, that’s a solid reason to wait. If you can’t name anything that you absolutely can’t adjust for, you don’t need to put things off. I’ve done a beach trip 7 months pregnant, and a weekend trip to the mountains with a 6-month-old, and the only thing I couldn’t do was drink cold beer, which I was fine with. Most trips can be adjusted for a new pregnancy or a new baby for a fraction of the stress of waiting longer than you want to.
Third, if you’re on the fence, just start trying. A lot of people assume if you get pregnant before your trip, you have to cancel. That’s not true. Most travel companies will let you change your dates for a $50 to $100 fee, or you can pivot your itinerary. If you were planning a backpacking trip, book a cabin a mile from the trailhead instead. If you were planning to go out drinking every night, switch to booking restaurants with good food and early bedtimes. It’s still a vacation.
After we talked for an hour over that sticky brunch table, Lila pulled out her phone and texted her partner. They decided to start trying this month, and they changed their Smoky Mountains backpacking reservation to a pet-friendly cabin for their golden retriever, near the trail, so their friends can hike and they can sit on the porch and drink coffee if she’s tired.
I don’t know if they’ll get pregnant right away, or if they’ll end up waiting after all. I don’t know if she’ll look back in five years and say she should have waited for those trips, or if she’ll be glad she didn’t. What I do know is that there’s no universal right answer. The idea that you need to check off a couple of fancy childfree vacations before you can start a family is just a story we made up. Vacations with kids are different, but they’re still vacations, and the right time to start is whatever time fits your timeline, not a checklist someone else gave you.
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