Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After a Couple of Vacations? Honest Advice From a Mom Who’s Been There
My half-empty mug of cold coffee is sweating through a paper napkin onto the kitchen table, and crumbs of cheddar goldfish are stuck to the edge of my 3-year-old’s coloring placemat when my phone pings. It’s a text from my best friend Lila, followed by a carousel of her photos from last month’s Portugal trip: her grinning with a pasteis de nata in hand, her husband posing in front of a tiled street in Lisbon. “Everyone keeps saying we should wait to start trying until after our fall beach trip too,” her text reads. “But I’m 34, and I’m so torn. What would you do?”
I get why she asked. Five years ago, I did exactly what she’s considering: I put off trying to get pregnant for 18 whole months to check two big dream vacations off my list first. Back then, me and my husband had just settled into our first house, and we’d been talking about starting a family for a year. But I’d been planning a Patagonia hiking trip since I graduated college, and we owed a long-overdue visit to my husband’s extended family in Japan that we couldn’t afford when we got married. Every mom I knew told me the same thing: “Go now. Once you have a kid, you’ll never get to travel like that again.”
I was 32, and my OB said there was no medical reason I couldn’t wait 18 months. But I still felt guilty. My aunt made passive comments at Thanksgiving about me “wasting my fertile years” on trips, and I’d lie awake some nights after booking our tickets wondering if I was being selfish for putting my wants before starting our family.
We went on both trips, anyway. They were everything I’d dreamed of: I got blisters from hiking 10 miles a day through mountain valleys, ate more sushi in a week in Tokyo than I’d eaten in the previous year, and came home full of good memories with just me and my husband, ready to settle into parenthood. We started trying, and I got pregnant on the third try, which felt like a win after all the stress I’d worked up.
But the part no one talked about before I decided to wait? We drained our entire savings to pay for the two trips. We had $800 left in our emergency fund when I found out I was pregnant. When my daughter was born, she had bad reflux that required a specialty formula insurance didn’t cover, and that formula cost $280 a month. My husband had to pick up a side gig delivering pizza on weekends for six months just to cover the cost. I was exhausted from being up every two hours with a fussy baby, he was gone every weekend, and we fought more about money that first year than we had in our entire marriage up to that point. That was the trade-off I never saw coming.
After going through that, and talking to a dozen other friends who’ve been in the same spot, I don’t have a one-size-fits-all yes or no answer. But I also don’t give the vague “just follow your heart” advice everyone else does. I have three concrete things I walk through with anyone who asks me this question.
First, separate your baby emergency fund from your vacation savings before you book anything. Even if it’s just $1,000, keep that in a separate account that you don’t touch for trips. That’s enough to cover most unexpected early baby costs, like a special medication or a last minute pediatrician bill, so you don’t end up scrambling to cover basics like we did. If you can’t save that $1,000 and still pay for your trips in cash, then you have a clear answer to your question already.
Second, be honest with your OB about your plans, and take their input seriously. If you’re 28, no known fertility issues, waiting a year or two for your dream trips is not a big deal. But if you’re 36, or you have PCOS, endometriosis, or a family history of early menopause, you don’t have to choose between trips and starting your family. You can try to conceive and still take your vacations. A lot of people feel great during the second trimester, anyway, and travel works perfectly well then. My friend Sarah, who has PCOS, didn’t want to put off trying for two years for her two planned trips, so she did one trip a year while actively trying, and got pregnant between the first and second. She still went on the second trip at 16 weeks, and had a great time.
Third, stop buying the lie that you’ll never travel again after you have a kid. This is the line that pushes so many people to put off pregnancy for years, and it’s just not true. Yes, travel with kids is different. You won’t spend 12 hours wandering a museum or hike 10 miles a day up a mountain. But that doesn’t mean it’s not still a vacation. Last month we took our 3-year-old to the Outer Banks for a week. We ate too much fried fish, built lopsided sandcastles, and watched her chase seagulls up and down the beach every morning. It wasn’t the trip I would have taken 10 years ago, but it was still a vacation, and it’s one of my favorite memories we have as a family. Before you put off pregnancy, spend 20 minutes googling “travel with a toddler to [your dream destination]” and you’ll find hundreds of parents doing it. It’s not impossible.
Last night Lila called me after she and her husband went over their bank account after work. They already have their $1,000 baby emergency fund set aside, even after paying for the October beach trip. They decided they’re going to start trying next month, and still go on the beach trip no matter what. If she gets pregnant before, she’ll just relax on the beach with a good book instead of going out drinking with friends, and that’s fine. I told her that sounded like a good plan.
I don’t know how it’s going to go for her. She might get pregnant right away, she might not. But whatever happens, she won’t be stuck wondering “what if” either way. For me, I don’t regret waiting for those two trips. They’re still some of my favorite memories with my husband before we became parents. I just wish someone had told me to leave a little cash aside for the baby stuff, that’s all. Right now, my daughter holds up her crayon drawing, covered in purple and orange, and says it’s our next trip to the zoo. I think I’ll start saving for that next.
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