Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After a Couple of Vacations? A Mom’s Practical Take
My phone buzzed from where it sat next to my half-eaten peanut butter toast this morning, and it was a text from my childhood friend Lila. “Big question,” it said. “Me and Jake have two big vacations booked for the next year: a week in Cabo in the fall, and a cross-country road trip next spring. Everyone’s telling me different things. Should I wait to get pregnant until after both?” I laughed into my coffee, because I sat on this exact question three years ago, cross-legged on the floor of our old guest room, surrounded by half-folded beach towels and a duffel we hadn’t unpacked from a weekend camping trip. My cat was curled up on the pile of luggage, and my husband was yelling at the TV over a college football game in the next room. I’d just left my OB appointment that morning, where she’d asked when we wanted to start trying, and I’d left more confused than I came. We already had that 10-day trip to Portugal booked for 10 months out, and a long weekend ski trip in the Rockies right after that. Everyone I asked had a hot take: my cousin who got pregnant at 35 said I’d be an idiot to wait, my sister-in-law who had terrible pregnancy sickness said I’d regret going pregnant, and a random mom on my neighborhood Facebook group said you’ll never get another vacation just the two of you again, so definitely wait.
We ended up waiting. I wanted that Portugal trip bad. I’d dreamed of hiking the coastal trail there for years, of eating pasteis de nata at 10pm at a street stall, of wandering around tiny villages without having to plan around nap times or pack a million extra things. If we’d started trying that month, I would have been 6 months pregnant during the trip, and while some people hike 6 months pregnant, I didn’t want to risk having to cut the whole thing short if my hips hurt too bad or I got tired too fast. It was everything I hoped it would be: we hiked 8 miles a day, climbed over slippery rocks to get to a hidden beach, stayed up until 1am drinking cheap wine with a couple from Australia in our hostel common room. The ski trip after that was just as good: I went down every blue run I wanted, sat in a hot tub after, didn’t have to get up three times a night to pee and wake my husband up.
But then, when we got back and started trying, it took 8 months to get that positive test. I’m 35 now, my daughter’s two, so it all worked out, but there were a lot of months where I’d pee on a stick at the end of the month, cry in the bathroom, and wonder if I’d messed up by waiting. I had a friend who got pregnant two months before her big trip to Italy, went at 12 weeks, had morning sickness the whole time, but she still said it was the best trip she ever took, and she had her baby three months after she got home, no extra waiting. I’d see her Instagram posts from Italy, eating pasta in Rome, and I’d think, was waiting really worth it?
After talking to other moms who’ve made both choices, I’ve sorted out what makes sense for most people, and it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. The first thing I tell people is to stop listening to that line about never getting another alone vacation after kids. I’ve had three just me and my husband trips since my daughter was born. My mom loves watching her for a long weekend every year, we’ve gone skiing twice and stayed at a beach house once, it’s totally doable. That line is just fear-mongering, and it pushes a lot of people into waiting when they don’t need to.
The first concrete step I tell people to do is pull up the notes app on your phone and write two quick lists. First, list all the non-negotiable activities you have planned for these vacations that you can’t (or don’t want to) do pregnant. If your whole trip is backpacking the Grand Canyon or heli-skiing or eating every raw cheese and undercooked fish on the menu, that’s one thing. If it’s laying on a beach in Cabo, eating good food, and driving cross country stopping at cool diners, that’s totally doable pregnant for most people. Second, write down what your worst case is if you get pregnant before the trip. Can you change the itinerary? Most hotels and airlines let you change dates for $50 or less these days, and even if you can’t, you can adjust what you do when you’re there. Lila’s trip has a 3-day backpacking segment in the Smoky Mountains on the road trip, and she told me yesterday she’s already okay with cutting that if she’s pregnant, and just staying at a nice cabin outside the park instead.
The second concrete thing to think about is your own fertility timeline. If you’re under 35, you have no known fertility issues, waiting 6 to 12 months for two trips isn’t a big risk for most people. If you’re over 35, or you already know you have PCOS, endometriosis, or other things that can make getting pregnant harder, waiting a year might not be worth the stress, and adjusting your trip is the better call. I was 31 when I waited, no known issues, so even with the 8 months of trying after, it worked out fine. If I’d been 37, I would have started trying right away and changed the trip itinerary instead.
Lila texted me yesterday that she’s going to start trying next month, and she’s already talked to her husband about adjusting the road trip if she gets pregnant. She cut the 3-day hike, added an extra two days at the beach on the Gulf Coast, and figured whatever happens, it’ll work. I’m taking my daughter to that same Portuguese coastal town next year, as a family. We’re renting a little apartment with a kitchen, not staying in a hostel, and I’m already planning to bring a high chair and a million snacks, and we won’t hike 8 miles a day. It’ll be different than the trip I took three years ago, but it’ll be good. There’s no one right answer here, just the one that fits what you care about most right now.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After a Couple of Vacations