Should I Wait to Get Pregnant After a Couple of Vacations? A Parent’s Honest Perspective
Last month, I sat across from my friend Lila at our neighborhood coffee shop, the one with chipped blue mugs and a kid’s play corner stacked with worn board books. She pushed her phone across the sticky table, screen showing a TikTok of a 26-year-old influencer leaning against a beach hut, text overlay that read “Never skip your pre-baby vacations. I did and I regret it every day.” Lila and her husband just wrapped up two big trips this year: a week in Porto eating pastéis de nata, and a long weekend hiking in the Smoky Mountains. They’re ready to start trying for a baby, but now she’s second-guessing. “Everyone says we should get all our fun in first,” she said, stirring her iced oat latte so loud the ice clinked against the side. “Is that actually true? Should I wait a little longer to knock out a couple more?”
Five years ago, I sat in that exact same seat, asking myself the exact same question. My husband and I had gotten married a year earlier, checked off a honeymoon in Mexico, and took a long weekend trip to New Orleans for our first anniversary. All our extended family kept dropping hints, and every parenting account I followed was full of “last hurrah” trip posts. I bought into it hard. We put off trying for two more years to take three more big trips: a road trip through the Southwest, a week in Cabo, and a solo trip to visit my college friend in Seattle. I was so determined to “have my fun before baby” that I even stressed out about accidental pregnancy on every single one of those trips. Halfway through the Grand Canyon hike, I panicked when my period was two days late, spent an hour hiding in the outhouse googling pregnancy symptoms instead of looking at the view.
We finally started trying, and it took 18 months to get pregnant with our son Milo. When I look back, those two extra years of waiting just for vacations ended up adding three and a half years total to our journey to parenthood. I’d bought the story that we’d never travel again once we had a kid, that all vacations would be crying toddlers and lost sippy cups and no fun. And yeah, there’s a lot of that. But we’ve taken four trips with Milo, ranging from a cheap camping trip an hour from our house to a week visiting my in-laws in Florida, and every single one has had moments better than any of my pre-baby trips. Last summer, we stayed in a beach cottage, and Milo spent an entire hour chasing a sand crab up and down the shore, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. I still think about that moment more than I think about any fancy dinner I had in Cabo.
When I talked Lila through this, I didn’t give her a yes or no answer. Instead, I walked her through the small, concrete things I wish someone had told me back when I was deciding. First, pull out your phone notes right now and write down three things you actually want to do before you have a baby, not what anyone online tells you you need. If “hike the Inca Trail” and “eat pasta in Rome” are at the top of that list, go do those first, wait if you want. If all you can come up with is “what everyone else says,” you don’t need to check the vacation box just to check it. That’s the first step, and it takes five minutes.
Second, if you’re scared you’ll never get couple time alone after baby, plan for it now instead of cramming 10 years of alone trips into your pre-baby window. Talk to your mom, your sibling, or a trusted friend right now, ask if they’d be willing to watch your kid for three days once a year. Most people will say yes. You don’t need an international trip. You can get a hotel 30 minutes from your house, order room service, and watch bad TV. That’s still a vacation, and it’s way cheaper than a big pre-baby trip. I do that every year with my husband, and it’s enough for us.
Third, be honest with yourself about how long it might take to get pregnant. If you’re 30 or older, or you have a history of irregular periods or other health issues that could affect fertility, waiting an extra year or two just for more vacations can add a lot of unnecessary stress down the line. You can still take small weekend trips while you’re trying, and you can take bigger trips when your kid is old enough to join you. I have a friend who waited 10 years after her kids were born to take that big trip to Japan she always wanted, and she said it was way better than going pre-kids, because she got to enjoy it more when she was older anyway.
By the time we finished our lattes, Lila had closed her phone and leaned back in her chair. She told me she’s had that Japan trip on her bucket list since she was 16, and she’s been saving for it for three years. She decided she’s going to go this fall, then start trying when she gets back. I told her that’s a perfectly good choice, no matter what anyone says. It’s not a selfish choice, it’s her choice.
Last week, I got a text from her with a photo attached. She’s standing in front of a wooden temple in Kyoto, holding a matcha ice cream cone, sun in her hair. The text said “No regrets so far.” I get that. My choice was to wait, and if I could go back, I probably wouldn’t have. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice for everyone.
We just got home from a family beach trip last weekend. Milo ate so much cotton candy he threw up in the car on the way home, we forgot his favorite stuffed bear and had to buy a cheap replacement from a gas station, and it rained for half of one day. It was messy, it was unglamorous, and it was the best vacation we’ve ever had. Pre-baby vacations are nice, but they’re not a required step to being a happy parent. No matter what you choose, you’ll figure it out as you go.
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