Should I Get My Kids to Make a Father’s Day Gift for Dad? What an Early Childhood Teacher Learned
Last Tuesday, I spread construction paper across our crumb-dusted kitchen table, dug a half-used pack of googly eyes out of the junk drawer, and waited. My 7-year-old, Sam, dropped his backpack after school, glanced at the supplies, and sighed so big his shoulders shook. “Why do we have to do this?” he asked. My 4-year-old, Mia, had already climbed off her chair to go check on her goldfish, declaring she’d rather draw him a rainbow. I’d pulled out crafts for Father’s Day every year since Sam was a toddler, but this year, they both pushed back, leaving me stuck on the question so many parents ask me every June: should I force this?
As an early childhood teacher, I get this question at least a dozen times every May and June. Last year alone, one mom sent me a photo of a flawless handprint plaque she’d painted herself, neat cursive reading “Best Dad Ever” across the bottom. Her 5-year-old had refused to touch the tempera paint, she told me, and she couldn’t show up empty-handed to the school’s Father’s Day brunch. Another dad reached out himself, saying his 10-year-old refused to make anything for him, and he was hurt – did he do something wrong?
Standing there that Tuesday, staring at the unopened glue sticks, I realized I’d been falling into the same trap as most parents. I wasn’t pulling out crafts because my husband, Jake, actually wanted them. I was doing it because that’s what you do for Father’s Day, right? Pinterest says homemade gifts are more meaningful, schools send home free craft kits, everyone posts handprint cards on Instagram. I called Jake in from the garage where he was fixing Sam’s bike, and asked him point blank: What do you actually want for Father’s Day this year? He wiped grease off his hands on his jeans and said, “I want to not cook, watch the playoff race, and eat ice cream for dessert. That’s it. I don’t need a glitter mug.” That cut through the noise pretty fast.
I’ve learned over the years that the big mistake we make here is confusing a craft activity with teaching gratitude. We think if we make the kid make a gift, we’re teaching them to be thoughtful, but what we’re actually teaching them is that they have to perform affection to be good. For little kids, Father’s Day is just another random Tuesday half the time. They don’t get the whole “honor dad” thing yet, and forcing them to sit still and make something they don’t care about just makes them resent the whole holiday. For older kids like Sam, cutesy crafts targeted at toddlers feel silly and embarrassing. He’s at the age where showing soft affection in front of anyone, even me, feels dorky, and making a card with googly eyes feels like a chore, not a gesture. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his dad – it just means this isn’t his way of showing it.
The first thing I tell parents who ask this question is to check your own motive first, then ask the dad (or dad figure) what he actually wants. Nine times out of ten, he doesn’t care about the homemade craft – he cares about not being bothered for a day, or spending time doing something he likes. If he does want something personal, you don’t have to force a traditional craft. Meet the kid where they are. If your kid loves basketball, let them write “Happy Father’s Day” on the side of a practice ball and call it done. If your kid hates glue and glitter, let them record a 10-second voice note of them saying their favorite thing about dad, that’s way more special than a craft you made for them. If you have to bring something to a school event and your kid refuses to create anything, write a short note from them: “Leo wanted me to tell you his favorite thing he does with you is go fishing. He wasn’t in the mood for a craft this year.” That’s far more honest than a perfect craft you made in your kid’s place.
I told Sam that night that he didn’t have to make anything. The Lego set he bought Jake with his allowance was more than enough, the craft supplies were just there if anyone wanted to play with them. I cleaned up half the paper, left the rest out on the table, and didn’t mention it again. Two nights later, I walked through the kitchen to get coffee, and Sam was hunched over a napkin from our takeout dinner, doodling with a blue crayon. He quickly folded it up when he saw me, but I caught a glimpse of it: a lopsided drawing of Jake’s grill, a soda can off to the side, and messy letters that said “YOU MAKE GOOD BURGERS HAPPY FATHERS DAY”. He slipped it into the Lego box and didn’t say a word to anyone. Mia came down the next morning, drew a picture of Jake holding her goldfish, and handed it to him before breakfast, just because she felt like it.
I used to worry that if I didn’t push the kids to do the “right” Father’s Day traditions, I was dropping the ball. Now I see that the point of the holiday isn’t to get a photo-worthy craft to add to the scrapbook. It’s to let kids practice showing care in a way that feels comfortable to them. For some kids that’s a handprint art piece, for some that’s letting dad pick the movie that night, for some that’s a lopsided drawing on a takeout napkin.
This weekend, we’re heading to the park to grill, just like Jake wanted. The unused construction paper is still sitting on the corner of my kitchen table, and the glue stick cap is still lost somewhere under the toaster. Next year, maybe the kids will both want to do a big messy craft. Maybe they won’t. I don’t worry about checking the boxes anymore. If Sam’s napkin drawing ends up taped to Jake’s toolbox (which I bet it will), that’s way better than any perfect craft I could have forced them to make. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
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