Practical, Unfiltered Advice for Incoming Grade 12: I’m Stopping the Gatekeeping
Last Tuesday, I found Mia leaning against my classroom door frame after school, scuffed white soccer sneakers propped on the baseboard, holding a crumpled course selection sheet for her final year of high school. The room still smelled like dry erase markers and the cheddar Goldfish someone left under a desk last period, and my chipped ceramic coffee mug sat half full of cold coffee on my desk. Mia had stayed after to make up a quiz, and as I shoving my laptop into my bag, she mumbled that she wasn’t sure if she should drop AP Physics to fit in art. “Everyone says I need it for my engineering applications,” she said, picking at a loose thread on her team hoodie. “But I haven’t slept more than five hours a night in three months.”
For 12 years I’ve taught 12th grade, and for 11 of those years, I would have given her the same gatekept answer I was taught to give: Stick it out. Admissions officers look for rigor. A drop will look bad on your transcript. I know better now, so I told her the truth instead. I’m done keeping the unvarnished reality of senior year locked away for only the kids who stumble on it by accident. I’m stopping the gatekeeping for this year’s group of 12th graders, and every group that comes after.
Gatekeeping here isn’t some fancy education term. It’s the way we all repeat the same toxic, outdated rules because that’s what we heard when we were young, even when we see every year that those rules hurt more kids than they help. Last spring, a former student came to visit me. Lila graduated five years ago, and she’s now working as a pediatric nurse, a job she loves. We got coffee down the street, and she told me she still thinks about her senior year sometimes. She skipped her grandma’s 80th birthday party to study for her AP Biology exam. That exam ended up not counting for credit at her nursing program, because they required her to retake intro bio anyway. “I can’t get that weekend back,” she said, stirring her latte. “No one told me it didn’t matter that much.”
That’s the thing no one tells incoming 12th graders, or their parents, for that matter. I sit in annual admissions meetings every year, I talk to admissions officers from state schools and private colleges and trade programs, and almost none of them care about the tiny checkboxes we spend all year stressing over. I’ve seen kids get into top schools with one less AP than their peer, and I’ve seen kids with perfect transcripts burn out before their first semester of college even ends.
So what am I telling kids now, instead of the old gatekept rules? First, if you’re on the fence about dropping a hard class that’s making you miserable, go drop it. Most schools let you change your schedule in the first two weeks, so sit in on the lighter class for a day or two before you decide. I used to warn kids that admissions officers would notice a schedule change, but the truth is, they don’t. They look at your overall transcript, not one single class change junior or senior year. A B in a standard level class is going to serve you better than a C in an AP you’re failing from exhaustion.
Second, cut any extracurricular you’re only doing to look good for college. If you hate debate club and only go to the monthly meetings so you can list it on your app, quit. If you work 15 hours a week at the local grocery store to help your family pay bills, that’s way more impressive to admissions officers than four club memberships you never actually participate in. If you spend all your free time building bikes in your garage, that counts as an activity, even if it’s not school-sponsored. You don’t need a 10-item list to get into college.
For parents, that means adjusting what you ask your kid, too. Instead of opening with “did you finish your college apps?” or “is your schedule hard enough?” ask “how many hours did you sleep last night?” and “what’s something you did this week that you enjoyed?” That’s a small shift, but it makes a huge difference in how your kid sees their own priorities. If your kid wants to take a study period instead of an extra AP, don’t panic. That 45 minutes of unstructured time a day is often what keeps them from burning out before application season even hits.
Third, it’s okay if you don’t know what you want to do after graduation. The gatekeeping rule says you have to have all your applications done by Thanksgiving, know your major by Christmas, and have your whole life planned out before you turn 18. The truth is, half of all college students change their major at least once, and a third leave without a degree because they picked the wrong thing to start with. If you don’t know, take a gap year to work, or start at community college for your general education classes. It’s way cheaper, and you can figure out what you like while you earn credits that will transfer later. No one is going to think less of you for taking an extra year to figure it out.
Mia ended up dropping AP Physics, added art and a 45-minute study period. I saw her in the hallway last week, and she told me she’s gotten to finish her homework before 10 pm every night this month, and she’s already working on a painting for her dad’s birthday. We don’t know if she’ll get into her top engineering school next spring. She might not, and that will be disappointing. But even if she doesn’t, she’s going to start whatever comes next well-rested, instead of burnt out before she even leaves high school.
Some other teachers and parents have told me I’m giving kids bad advice, that I’m letting them take the easy way out. I don’t think that’s true. The hard part isn’t suffering through a class you hate to check a box. The hard part is figuring out what you actually care about, and taking care of yourself enough to be able to pursue it. I’m done keeping that secret.
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