My 10-Month-Old Wakes Up Screaming Like The House Is On Fire. Am I The Only One?
It’s 2:43am and I’m sitting on the hallway carpet outside the nursery, right where I was at 1:17am and where I’ll probably be again at 4:02am if the pattern holds. My coffee’s been cold since I poured it an hour ago, I’ve got a hole in the toe of my fuzzy sock that’s catching on the loose thread by the baseboard, my hoodie still has the mashed sweet potato stain from Sunday dinner right on the sleeve, and I can still hear the echo of that scream in my ears. It’s the kind that starts out of nowhere, full volume, like she just realized she’s alone in the dark and the world is ending. Not a fussy wake-up, not a little cry to let me know she needs something. Full-on, chest-deep screaming at the top of her lungs that makes my heart jump into my throat every single time. I just need to know: anyone else dealing with this?
I’ve read all the things, obviously. Teething. 10-month sleep regression. Separation anxiety. Leap whatever. All the experts say it’s normal, it’s a phase, it’ll pass. But no one mentions that three weeks of this makes you start questioning every single choice you’ve ever made as a parent. Last week my husband stumbled in here half-asleep when she screamed, and he grabbed the dirty laundry hamper off the floor before he realized what he was doing, then just stood there blinking for a full minute holding the hamper before he stumbled back to bed. I laughed so hard I cried, but then 20 minutes later when I was still rocking a screaming baby who wouldn’t settle, I cried for real, too.
When she first started this, I’d come sprinting in here the second I heard the first yelp. I thought she’d had a nightmare, or a bug crawled on her, or she’d hurt herself rolling around. Once I even pulled the entire crib out from the wall to check if something had fallen behind it that was scaring her. Nothing. Just a loose floorboard I’d already forgotten about. Now I know half the time her eyes are still closed when she’s screaming. She’s not even awake, really. She’s just stuck somewhere between sleep cycles and can’t figure out how to get back to the deep sleep on her own. I figured that out by accident last week when I was so tired I couldn’t make my legs stand up fast enough to get to her. I leaned against the doorframe waiting for the dizziness to pass, and by the time I got in there, she’d already rolled over and started snoring again. That was a new one for me.
But don’t get me wrong, that trick doesn’t work every time. Half the time if I wait, she just screams harder, wakes up fully, and then our 80-pound lab starts barking because she thinks there’s an intruder, and then by the time I get everyone calmed down, it’s 3am and I might as well just start making breakfast. We had my in-laws stay over two weekends ago, and she pulled this 1am scream right after everyone had finally fallen asleep. I heard my mother-in-law murmur to my husband through the guest room door “is she hurt? Should someone go check?” and I just wanted to disappear into the crib with her. Like, yes, I know it sounds like a child is being murdered in the next room, that’s just how she wakes up now. I’m not ignoring her on purpose, I’m just trying the wait-a-minute thing that works half the time. Awkward as hell.
I scroll those mom groups at 3am when I’m up with her, and everyone’s got an opinion. Just sleep train her, leave her to cry it out. Bring her into bed with you, co-sleeping fixes this. Give her more solids before bed, she’s hungry. Give her less solids, she’s gassy. Cut out the nap, add a nap. I’ve tried most of it. Last night I gave her a little extra applesauce before bed because someone said she was waking up hungry, and she pooped through her pajamas and the crib sheet at 2am, so that was fun. The other night I brought her into bed with us, and she kicked me in the nose so hard I got a nosebleed. So that’s where we’re at.
I will say, the only pattern I’ve stumbled on is that it’s way worse on the days she doesn’t get outside enough. If we spend the whole day inside because it’s pouring rain or too cold, she’s guaranteed to wake up screaming three times that night. If we drag ourselves out for a 40-minute walk even in the drizzle, she only wakes up once. It’s not a fix, it just cuts the number of 2am sheet changes in half. That’s still one more wake-up than I was getting a month ago, when she was sleeping 11 hours straight. I keep telling myself I should be grateful for one wake-up, but I’m tired. I’m so tired I forgot to put deodorant on yesterday when I went to the grocery store, and I only realized it when I got home and smelled myself. That’s the level of tired we’re talking about.
I don’t know. I don’t have a cute point to this. I don’t have a solution to share, I don’t have a “it gets better” speech because I’m still in the middle of it. I just sat here on the carpet listening to my baby breathe again after that last scream, and I realized I don’t actually know anyone else who’s going through this right now. All my friends with kids the same age post their “baby slept 12 hours!” updates and I’m over here like, wow that’s cool, my baby just woke me up screaming for the third time because… why? No reason, apparently.
So yeah. If your baby also wakes up screaming like the house is burning down every single night, just know I’m right here with you, sitting on my hallway carpet with cold coffee and a hole in my sock. Let me know I’m not the only one.
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