Looking for Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds? Here’s What I Tried That Actually Worked
Goldfish crumbs stuck to the vinyl of my backseat when my 5-year-old, Javi, leaned forward from his car seat last spring and blurted, “Mom, why is Jax’s skin brown and mine is peachy?” We’d just left preschool, where they’d traced their hands and painted them for an art project, and the question hung in the warm air while I waited for the light to change. I mumbled something about sun and genes and turned up the radio, because I had no idea how to answer it right then—and I also knew I needed better than a half-baked off-the-cuff answer. That night, after Javi went to bed, I pulled out my laptop and started searching for age-appropriate anti-racism resources for 5 year olds, just like you probably are right now.
What I found first was overwhelming. Half the lists were full of books for middle schoolers talking about systemic racism and protest, stuff Javi would never wrap his head around. The other half were generic board books that just said “we’re all friends” and showed a bunch of kids holding hands, which didn’t answer his actual question. I checked out three books from the library the next day: one that talked about the civil rights movement, which had pictures that scared Javi so much he had nightmares for two nights. I tried the viral picture book everyone posts about on Instagram, and Javi just laughed at the word “baby” over and over and asked for his truck book halfway through. I was starting to think there was nothing out there that fit—nothing that answered a 5 year old’s curiosity without scaring them or boring them, or pretending difference doesn’t exist when they can clearly see it.
I mentioned my struggle to Javi’s preschool teacher, Ms. Rita, a week later when I was early to pick him up. She leaned against the playground fence and wiped sweat off her neck, and said what I didn’t want to hear at first: 5 year olds don’t need fancy curriculums or 30-page activity guides. They need small, honest answers and ordinary examples, because that’s how their brains work. Then she gave me a short list of things that actually work for her, and I’ve been testing them out for the past six months. Most of them are so simple I can’t believe I didn’t think of them first.
First, the books that actually stuck. The two that Javi asks to re-read every other week are Hair Love by Matthew A. Cherry and Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña. Neither is a big preachy lesson on racism. Hair Love is just a story about a Black dad learning to do his daughter’s curly hair for a school dance, full of silly, warm moments Javi relates to because he just started letting me braid his own curly hair. Last Stop on Market Street is about a Black boy riding the bus with his grandma, and it talks about noticing different people and being grateful for what you have, without ever talking down to kids. I also make a point now to pick up random books for our collection where Black and brown kids are just doing regular kid stuff, not talking about racism. Javi’s current favorite is The Dinosaur Expert, which has a main character who’s a little Black girl that knows more about dinosaurs than anyone else. Javi talks about her all the time, because he’s obsessed with T-Rexes. That’s anti-racism for a 5 year old: he gets to see that kids who look different from him like the same things he likes, just by reading a book before bed. No big speech needed.
When Javi asks a direct question about skin color or difference now, I use the exact phrase Ms. Rita gave me: “Your skin gets its color from something called melanin. It keeps your skin safe from the sun, and people have different amounts of it depending on where their families come from. It’s okay to notice how we look different—differences are interesting! But no one should ever be treated meanly just because of what their skin looks like.” It’s short, it’s factual, it answers his question without overwhelming him. I used to think I had to say “we’re all the same inside” but Javi would just argue back, “No, we’re not, my skin is peachy and Jax’s is brown.” Kids see difference, so there’s no point in pretending it doesn’t exist. That’s one mistake I see a lot of resources make, acting like ignoring difference is a good thing for little kids.
A couple weeks ago, we were at the grocery store and Javi heard a kid whisper that the Black man in front of us had “funny hair.” Javi looked up at me, and I didn’t pull him aside for a big lesson. I just nodded toward the man’s cart, which was full of the same vanilla ice cream cones we buy for movie night, and said “Hey, that looks like the same kind we get, right?” We made small talk about how we all like different ice cream and different hair styles, and that was that. Big lessons don’t stick for 5 year olds—small, normal moments do.
I still look for new resources sometimes, when Javi asks a new question I don’t have an answer for. Last week he asked why our new neighbor speaks differently than we do, and I ordered a simple picture book about kids with different accents that’s coming in the mail this week. I don’t do big activities or workbooks, because that feels like too much, and Javi just gets bored. I’ve stopped looking for the perfect, comprehensive pack of anti-racism resources for a 5 year old, because I’ve realized that most of the work is just showing up honestly, answering their questions simply, and letting them see that people who look different are just people, same as them. Some days I mess up, some days I fumble an answer, but so far, that’s enough. It’s a work in progress, same as everything else with parenting.
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