Looking For 2012–2013 4th Grade Classmates: Oxford Continental School (Bandi Shola) And Why Early Childhood Friendships Matter
Last weekend, I was helping my son Rohan clear out his childhood closet ahead of his first year of college, when he pulled a crumpled, water-stained class photo out from under a pile of frayed soccer jerseys and half-built Lego starships. The edges are folded where he’s tucked it into different backpacks and wallets over the years, the ink is faded at the corners, and a smudge of what we’re pretty sure is gulab jamun stains the bottom left edge. Written on the back in waxy blue crayon is: 4th grade, OCS, 2012. My team.
He sat down cross-legged on the carpet right there, ignoring the pile of clothes we were supposed to be sorting, and started pointing out names one by one. Arjun, who brought homemade mango lassi in a glass bottle every Friday and always shared half with Rohan, because Rohan’s packed lunch usually only had plain roti and pickle that week. Zara, who drew dragons on every notebook and helped Rohan hide in the supply closet when he forgot his math homework and was scared of getting in trouble. Ravi, who beat him at four square every single recess but always saved him a spot on the bench after, even when the other older kids tried to cut in.
We moved from Bandi Shola to Hyderabad three months after that school year ended, in 2013. My husband got a sudden job transfer, we got two weeks notice to pack up and leave. It was chaos: I was canceling utilities, arranging for movers, enrolling Rohan in a new school, and the last thing on my mind was collecting a full list of parent contact info from his 4th grade class. The teacher handed me a printed copy of the class roster on his last day, I stuffed it in my purse, and it got lost somewhere between the moving boxes and unpacking at the new house. Back then, 9-year-olds didn’t have personal Instagram accounts or Facebook profiles, so there was no easy way for Rohan to stay in touch on his own.
Over the years, he’s brought up that class every year or so. Once when he was 14, he spent an entire evening scrolling through old alumni groups on Facebook, looking for any of the names, but the school rebranded a few years after we left, moved to a new campus, and most of the old public groups only go back a few years. When he turned 17, he tried searching again on Instagram, still no luck. That’s when he asked me to help him put the word out, through this parenting space that a lot of local parents read, hoping someone might see it.
For a long time, I didn’t get why this mattered so much. When Rohan cried for the first month after we moved, saying he missed his friends, I told him what most parents tell kids: You’ll make new friends here, it’s okay, these things happen. I thought those early childhood friendships were just temporary, practice for the more meaningful connections he’d make as a teenager. I was wrong, and that’s the thing I want other parents to take away from this.
When kids are in 4th grade, around 9 years old, that’s the first time they get to choose their own people, completely separate from what their parents want or which neighborhood they live in. They’re not friends with someone because their parents are friends, or because they’re on the same sports team you signed them up for. They’re friends because someone thinks your dumb joke about boogers is the funniest thing they’ve ever heard, because they share their snack when you forget yours, because they hold your place in line when you need to go to the bathroom. That kind of connection sticks with you, even when you don’t see each other for 11 years.
I’ve talked to a dozen other parents in the last few months who’ve had the same experience: their grown teens still talk about a best friend they lost touch with after a move when they were little, and most of us wish we’d done more to help them hold onto that connection. The good news is that it’s such a small, easy thing to do that most of us just forget. If you’re facing a move or a school change right now, pull the class parent WhatsApp group and save every contact to a labeled folder in your phone, don’t just leave it buried in the group chat history. Ask the teacher for a printed class roster, and tuck it in your kid’s memory box with their first art project and their kindergarten report card. It takes 15 minutes, max, and it’s there if your kid wants it 10 years later. If your kid says they miss their old friends after a move, don’t just tell them they’ll make new ones. Spend 10 minutes one night helping them search for alumni groups or post in a local parent group for the area you left. It doesn’t cost anything, and it gives them a chance to reach out if they want to, even years later.
Right now, we’re just putting the word out. Rohan is looking for any 4th grade classmates from The Oxford Continental School in Bandi Shola, for the 2012–2013 school year. He’s the kid who always forgot his rain boots and had to borrow a pair from the school office, and once got sent to the back of the class for passing around a fake rubber spider during assembly. He doesn’t expect everyone to reply, or even to pick up where they left off if we find them. He just wants to say hi, ask if Arjun’s mom still makes that mango lassi, ask Zara if she still draws dragons on all her notebooks, and see if anyone else remembers that time the whole 4th grade snuck extra gulab jamun at the Diwali party and got told off by the principal.
For me, this is just a chance to fix a small mistake I made a long time ago, when I thought the people my son loved at 9 didn’t matter that much down the line. I was wrong. We’ll wait and see who reaches out.
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