Is Kindergarten A Sickness Nightmare? What Parents Can Expect And What Actually Helps
I was leaning against my front porch rail last September, wiping a trail of snot off my 5-year-old Lila’s cheek with the hem of my sweatshirt, when the text from my neighbor popped up: Her kindergartener just tested positive for RSV on day two, and she was already asking if the whole year was just going to be one missed school day after another.
I nodded, because at that point, Lila had already had two colds and a mild case of hand, foot, and mouth in the first three weeks of school. We’d burned through two jumbo boxes of tissues, a bottle of children’s Tylenol, and three of my paid sick days before the end of the first month. Once I ended up at the grocery store at 10 p.m., because we ran out of Tylenol and bananas for toast, with a half-asleep feverish Lila curled up in her car seat in the parking lot. I cried a little in the cereal aisle, because I was so tired and convinced I was doing this whole kindergarten thing wrong. One night I sat on our bathroom floor at 2 a.m. holding a garbage can while Lila threw up from a stomach bug, scrolling through our kindergarten parent Facebook group, and half the posts were the same question: Is kindergarten just one big illness nightmare? Am I doing something wrong?
I called my friend Mara, who’s taught kindergarten at our local public school for 19 years. She picked up right away, because she’s used to getting these panic calls from new parents. She laughed and said she’s had parents pull their kid out of school mid-first semester because they think something’s wrong with their child’s immune system, or that the classroom isn’t clean enough. It’s not that, she said. It’s just that your kid’s never been around 22 other people who all bite their crayons and sneeze on the block bin before. Most kids coming from home or small in-home daycares haven’t been exposed to a fraction of the common viruses that spread in a full classroom. Their immune systems just need a few months to catch up.
She gave me a few small, specific changes that ended up cutting down on our stress more than any of the expensive supplements I’d bought. First, she told me to cut out all the extra junk in Lila’s backpack. I’d sent her with a stuffed rabbit, a drawing pad, six sparkly hair clips, extra stickers, and a full change of clothes, and most of it ended up crumpled on the floor under her cubby, getting coughed on and stepped on all week. We pared it down to one small change of clothes, one small lovey, and a water bottle with a tight flip-top lid. Now I wash the lovey and water bottle every Sunday night, no exceptions, and that’s it. No more hauling a dozen germy items home to deep clean every week.
Second, we practiced blowing and tossing tissues at home. Most 5-year-olds still wipe their nose on their sleeve, or crumple a used tissue and stuff it in their pocket or cubby, where it festers for three days. We did two days of quick, low-pressure practice: every time Lila had a runny drip, she had to get a new tissue, blow, walk to the trash can, toss it, then wash her hands for as long as it takes to sing the ABCs. By the time she went back to school after that first hand, foot, and mouth outbreak, she could do it on her own without flagging down a teacher mid-lesson.
Third, I made a simple three-rule checklist for sick days and taped it to my fridge. I used to keep her home for every little runny nose, because I was scared she’d get worse or spread germs to everyone else. Mara said that’s unnecessary, and it just means kids miss more school for no reason. The rules I use are straightforward: 1. Any fever over 100.4 in the last 24 hours (without fever reducer) = stay home. 2. Vomiting or diarrhea in the last 24 hours = stay home. 3. Open blisters or an itchy rash that can’t be fully covered = stay home. If it’s just a clear runny nose, no fever, and they’re running around eating normally, pack an extra pack of tissues in their pocket and send them. That’s it. No overthinking.
I stopped the daily disinfecting of every school supply and cut out the expensive elderberry syrup (it was giving Lila mild diarrhea anyway, go figure) and just stuck to these small habits. By Christmas, Lila had missed 12 days, which sounded like a lot, but Mara said that’s pretty average for a first-time kindergartener who didn’t attend a large daycare before. After Christmas, she only missed two days the rest of the year. Her immune system had built up all the antibodies it needed, just like Mara said it would.
This year, my youngest is starting kindergarten. Last week, I was waiting for the bus, and a new mom standing next to me, her kid bouncing with a brand new dinosaur backpack, leaned over and asked me quiet, like she was embarrassed to say it out loud: I’ve heard kindergarten is just a nightmare for getting sick. Is it as bad as everyone says?
I told her what I know. The first few months are messy. You will run out of tissues, you will miss work, you will have more late nights on the bathroom floor than you expect. It’s not a permanent nightmare, though. Most kids slow way down after the first semester. It’s just a few months of adjustment, for you and for their immune system. I gave her the same small tips Mara gave me, the ones that didn’t require any extra money or extra work, just a little consistency.
This week, my youngest came home with a runny nose. No fever, he was running around the yard chasing our dog after school, so I packed extra tissues and sent him today. I threw his lovey in the wash when he got home, and crossed my fingers. We’ll see how it goes. It’s still messy, it’s still unpredictable, but it’s not the nightmare I was expecting.
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