How to Prepare for High School in September: Low-Stress Practical Tips for Parents
I ran into my neighbor Lila last week at the start-of-August grocery run, where she was staring down a 10-pack of neon colored folders near the checkout. Her son Javi, 14, was leaning against the cart scrolling TikTok, already tuned out of the back-to-school planning. “He’s starting high school in September,” Lila told me, twisting her crumpled shopping list into a tiny roll. “Everyone says I need to have him prepared, but no one will tell me what that actually means. Do I need to buy a fancy calculator now? Should he be studying algebra over the rest of summer? I’m this close to just buying everything on the list Target sent me and calling it done.”
As someone who taught 8th grade for 12 years, I hear this every August. I’ve watched parents drop hundreds of dollars on new wardrobes and last-minute tutoring, and I’ve watched 14-year-olds check out completely from the process two weeks before the first bell. I once had a parent tell me she made her daughter practice opening a new locker 20 times a night for a week before school. That girl showed up to the first day with a migraine and threw up in the nurse’s office before homeroom. All that preparation just turned into all that stress.
I leaned against the checkout counter next to Lila and told her what I tell every parent who asks: the best preparation for September isn’t cramming or buying every supply on a random list. It’s chipping away at the small, scary unknowns that no one talks about. The first thing I suggested was doing a 15-minute dry run of the commute, no bells and whistles. Javi walks to the high school, which is three blocks from their house, but he’s never actually walked the whole route during school rush hour before. I told Lila to grab a water and walk it with him after dinner one night this week. Point out the crosswalk that doesn’t have a crossing guard, show him the side entrance freshman are supposed to use on the first day, and if he wants to stop and check out the convenience store on the corner that all the upperclassmen go to for after-school snacks, let him. That way, the first day doesn’t feel like stepping into a completely new world. If your kid takes the bus, drive to the bus stop together a few days before, check the time it’s supposed to arrive, and stand there for two minutes so they know exactly where to go. I’ve had more kids miss first period because they went to the wrong entrance or waited at the wrong bus stop than because they forgot their homework. Small problems feel huge when you’re 14 and everyone else seems to know what they’re doing.
Next, build one tiny daily habit two weeks before school starts, not a whole new rigid routine. Lila complained that Javi currently rolls out of bed 10 minutes before his summer band practice, and leaves his sneakers and water bottle in the middle of the living room. Instead of forcing him to go to bed at 8pm and wake up at 6am starting next week, I told her to just ask him to put his backpack by the front door every night before he settles in to scroll TikTok. That’s it. It takes 30 seconds, and it’s the one habit that prevents the 20-minute “where is my math homework?” panic every morning. If it sticks, great. If not, you can tweak it. When I suggested this to Zoe, the kid who had the migraine before first day, her mom said it was the only thing that didn’t start a fight. She didn’t have to nag her about everything, just remind her about one small thing.
I also told Lila to put half the supplies back on the shelf. Almost every high school teacher lists what they actually need on their syllabus the first day of class. A lot of teachers don’t even use physical notebooks anymore, they post everything online. I’ve seen so many kids carry around 12 unused notebooks for a whole semester because their parents bought them before school started. All you need to buy before September is a backpack that fits a laptop, a pack of pens, and a reusable water bottle. Wait until after the first three days to buy the rest. It saves money, and it keeps you from cluttering up your dining room with stuff you don’t need.
The last thing I told Lila was to stop asking “are you excited for high school?” and start asking specific, small questions. Most kids will just say “yeah” or “I don’t know” and walk away, because “excited” is a big, vague question that puts them on the spot. Instead, ask “what do you think you’ll do for lunch the first day?” or “if your locker gets stuck, who would you ask for help?” I learned this from my own nephew, who grunts at every general question I ask him. When I asked him who he’d go to if he forgot his lunch, he talked for 10 minutes about how the vice principal was his summer rec soccer coach, so he’d just ask him. Just talking through these small, awkward possible problems takes the edge off. It’s way more helpful than saying “it’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
Lila texted me three days ago, after she and Javi walked the route. They found a shortcut through the park that he didn’t know about, and he picked out a spot to get a morning smoothie before school starts. She put eight of the 12 folders back, and they’re just doing the backpack-by-the-door thing every night. Javi still acts like he doesn’t care, and Lila still worries he’ll forget his lunch on the first day. That’s normal. No amount of preparation will make everything go perfectly. I still remember my own first day of high school, when I forgot my gym uniform and had to borrow one that was three sizes too big. I was mortified at the time, but now it’s just a funny story I tell. The goal isn’t a perfect first day. It’s just to make the first week a little less scary, one small step at a time.
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