How I Found Anti-Racism Resources for a 5-Year-Old: Books, TV Shows, and Real Conversations That Helped
Last month, my daughter and I were coloring at the kitchen table. She picked up a crayon with the word “flesh” printed on the wrapper and held it against her arm. “This one is me, right?” she asked.
I remember pausing a little too long. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to answer. It was that I hadn’t expected her to notice the label in the first place. I finally said, “It’s called flesh, but people come in all sorts of skin colors. Let’s find the one that matches you best.” She looked at the crayon again and said, “But why is it called flesh if it’s not what everyone looks like?”
That question led me to start looking for anti-racism resources for a five-year-old. Not because I thought she was ready for hard history or complex social theory. Because she had already started noticing race, and I didn’t want to fumble through it alone.
Most of my parenting around this has happened in small moments, not planned lessons. After the crayon thing, I looked for picture books. A few became regular reads. Antiracist Baby by Ibram X. Kendi was short enough for her attention span and gave me simple language to use. Some of it went over her head, but it helped me. The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson and All Are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold showed kids from different backgrounds doing normal things. At five, that matters. A child needs to see that difference is ordinary, not something to be pointed at.
I also picked up Something Happened in Our Town after seeing it mentioned in a parenting group. I read it through by myself first, then read it with my daughter. She had more questions about the “mad” parts than the historical explanation. I told her that sometimes people are treated unfairly because of how they look, and that it’s okay to feel upset about that. That was enough for her. We didn’t go into more detail. She doesn’t need that yet. She needs to know that unfairness exists, that she can talk about it, and that she can trust me to answer honestly.
One thing surprised me: how much needed to happen outside of books. We went through her toy bin and found only one doll with dark skin. I didn’t turn it into a big lesson. I just made a mental note. A few weeks later, we picked out a paper doll set with different skin tones at the store. She didn’t comment on it. She just played with all of them. That felt more useful than any forced conversation.
TV helped more than I expected. There’s a Sesame Street special called The Power of We. She asked to watch it twice. In one scene, two kids are pretending to be superheroes. One says, “But you don’t look like a superhero.” The other answers, “A superhero can look like anything.” My daughter repeated that line for days. It stuck with her because it was about something she already understood: fairness and friendship.
I also found what some teachers call social stories. They’re simple scripts that show kids what to say in situations they might not know how to handle. One example was a child saying, “Your skin looks like chocolate ice cream.” Another child responds, “Chocolate is pretty tasty. Want to play?” It sounds silly, but it helps. My daughter sometimes freezes when a kid makes a comment she doesn’t understand. Having a ready-made response gave her something to say instead of just looking away.
The hardest resource to find wasn’t a book or video. It was the confidence to talk to other adults about this. My mother-in-law told me once that I was overthinking it and that kids don’t notice skin color. I didn’t argue. I just said, “She’s the one who brought it up. I’m trying to answer her the best I can.” That worked better than making it a debate.
I’ve learned to keep answers short. A five-year-old doesn’t need a lecture on redlining or segregation. She needs to hear that skin color is real, that people are sometimes treated unfairly because of it, and that it’s good to talk about it. If she asks where her friend Lin’s family is from, I say something like, “Korea, just like our family came from Ireland a few generations ago.” We move on. Not every conversation needs a summary.
There are also times I say nothing. If we’re watching a show and every character is white, I don’t point it out every time. That would feel heavy. Sometimes I’ll say, “I wonder what this story would be like if it had more kinds of families in it.” She shrugs. Maybe it stays with her. Maybe it doesn’t.
What I keep coming back to is that anti-racism for a five-year-old looks less like activism and more like daily life. It’s the crayon moment. It’s choosing a book with characters who look different from us. It’s playing with a paper doll set that includes more than one skin tone. And it’s answering a question honestly, even when it catches me off guard.
We’re still figuring this out. I don’t have a perfect list of resources that will work for every child. What worked for us was starting small and letting her curiosity lead the way. Some days I feel like we’re doing enough. Other days I read something online and feel like we’ve barely begun. But then she’ll say something surprisingly thoughtful, or she’ll repeat the line about superheroes, and I’m reminded that this is a long process, not a one-time conversation.
Maybe the best resource isn’t a book or a show at all. It’s just being willing to pause when your child hands you a crayon and asks a question you weren’t ready for. We’re trying to be that, at least for now.
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