How asking kids their opinion on fair financial splits builds real money skills
The crumbs from blueberry waffles were still stuck to the kitchen table when I pulled the unexpected $200 resort rebate check out of the junk mail pile. My 12-year-old Mia and 10-year-old Lila paused mid-fight over a glow-in-the-dark fidget spinner, both leaning in when I said the check was from the family beach trip we canceled two years ago, and we hadn’t budgeted for it, so it was extra. I was tired from scrubbing the bathroom that morning, and normally I’d just announce I was putting the whole thing toward this year’s trip and be done with it. But on a whim, I pushed the check across the crumb-covered table and said, “What do you guys think is a fair way to split this?”
Mia was the first to answer, leaning back like she’d already thought it through. “Four people, so $50 each. That’s simple, right?” Lila shook her head immediately, pointing a finger at the check. “Wait a second. I was the one who found the old confirmation email when we deleted all the old emails off Mom’s phone last fall. If I hadn’t saved it, we never would have gotten this check. I should get more.” Mia didn’t argue that part – she just adjusted her offer. “Yeah, that’s true, but I called the resort three times over two months when they kept saying they hadn’t processed it. I sat on hold for 20 minutes once during my cartoon time. That’s work too, so I should get extra.”
They went back and forth for a full 10 minutes, Mia saying finding an email took two minutes of work, Lila saying no email meant no check at all. I almost cut in like I usually do, to declare equal split the only fair option and end the bickering. But this time I leaned back in my chair, sipped my cold coffee, and just watched. After a while I asked them to list all possible options out loud instead of just defending their first idea, and they came up with four: equal split for everyone, extra for the two of them for doing the work, all of it goes to this year’s beach trip, or a mix of personal spending and group savings.
Another 10 minutes of negotiating later, they landed on a split I never would have thought of: $60 each for Mia and Lila to spend on whatever they wanted, $40 total for me and their dad to split for our weekly post-grocery run coffee date, and the remaining $40 goes into the beach trip pool toy fund we’ve been building all spring. They shook on it like two business partners closing a deal. When I asked why they put so much into the group fund, Mia shrugged and said, “We all get to use the pool toys, so it’s fair that some of it goes there.” I was surprised they didn’t just carve up most of it for themselves – I’d assumed that’s what kids would do.
I’ve read dozens of articles about teaching kids money skills, and most of them focus on allowance rules, how much to save for a big purchase, or avoiding debt. Almost none of them talk about practicing what “fair” actually means when splitting money, which is something I’ve fumbled through as an adult more times than I can count. I’ve had awkward conversations splitting rent with roommates, figuring out how to divide costs for a group vacation, sorting out profits from a side craft project I did with a friend. Growing up, my parents always split everything exactly equally between my brother and me, and if I complained it was unfair, I was told I was being greedy. I grew up thinking any deviation from equal split was unfair, and I hated talking about money because I thought any negotiation made me rude.
This small exercise with the rebate check taught me that asking for kids’ opinions on financial splits is one of the easiest, most low-effort ways to build real money skills they’ll actually use later. It doesn’t require a big windfall, either. Any small extra pot of money works: a $10 grocery rebate, a $25 family gift card from a distant relative, even the extra change you get back when you buy something with cash and don’t need to put it toward bills. The concrete steps are simple: first, just ask them what they think is fair, instead of telling them. Second, if they disagree, don’t step in to fix it right away – just ask each of them to explain their reasoning to the other person. You don’t have to accept their final split if it’s way off base, but just letting them work through it gives them practice most adults never got as kids.
It’s not always smooth, of course. Last week, they got a $15 gift card to the local candy store from my great aunt, addressed to both of them. Mia wanted to use all of it for sour straws to bring to her friend’s sleepover, Lila wanted half for gummy bears and a new slime toy. They argued for 12 minutes, at one point Lila crossed her arms and said she wasn’t going to agree to anything. I didn’t jump in, I just kept folding laundry and let them talk it out. They ended up splitting the $15 evenly, which is what I would have made them do anyway, but they got there on their own.
I don’t know if this practice will make them great financial negotiators one day, or even if it’s the “right” way to teach this skill. It’s still a work in progress, and some days it’s just easier to split things equally and move on with the day. But I’ve noticed they don’t get as upset when something doesn’t go exactly their way anymore. They know how to explain what they think is fair, and listen to the other person’s side. That’s more than I ever got when I was their age, and that feels like enough for right now.
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