Finding Gentle Yet Powerful Ways to Talk About Anti-Racism With Your Young Child
The question “Looking for resources on anti-racism that is appropriate for a 5 year old?” reflects a beautiful and crucial awareness: starting early matters. At five, children are intensely curious about the world, keenly observant of differences, and actively forming ideas about fairness and belonging. While concepts like systemic injustice are far too complex, the foundational building blocks of anti-racism – celebrating difference, fostering empathy, recognizing unfairness, and cultivating kindness – are absolutely within their grasp. The key is approaching it through their lens: play, stories, everyday moments, and simple, honest conversations.
Think of it less as a single “talk” and more as weaving threads of awareness, respect, and justice into the fabric of everyday life. Here’s how to start:
Building Blocks: Starting with Joy and Curiosity
1. Celebrate Diversity as the Norm: Surround your child with positive representations of diverse races, ethnicities, cultures, abilities, and family structures as a matter of course. This isn’t about making one race the “default” and others the “exception” to learn about.
Books Are Your Best Allies: Seek out picture books where diverse characters are central to engaging, joyful stories not solely about race. Look for narratives featuring Black, Indigenous, Asian, Latinx, and multiracial children having adventures, solving problems, experiencing family life, and being fully realized characters. Some fantastic starting points:
The King of Kindergarten / The Queen of Kindergarten by Derrick Barnes & Vanessa Brantley-Newton (Celebrating Black joy and confidence)
Hair Love by Matthew A. Cherry & Vashti Harrison (Celebrating Black hair and father-daughter bonds)
Sulwe by Lupita Nyong’o & Vashti Harrison (Exploring skin color and self-worth)
All Are Welcome by Alexandra Penfold & Suzanne Kaufman (A vibrant school community)
The Day You Begin by Jacqueline Woodson & Rafael López (Navigating feeling different)
Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña & Christian Robinson (Finding beauty in community)
We Are Water Protectors by Carole Lindstrom & Michaela Goade (Indigenous perspectives and environmental stewardship)
Play & Toys: Ensure dolls, action figures, puzzles, and art supplies reflect a wide range of skin tones. A simple box of crayons or markers labeled “skin colors” with a rich spectrum is a subtle but powerful tool.
Media Matters: Choose TV shows and movies featuring diverse casts in leading roles. Discuss what you see positively.
2. Name Race and Skin Color Honestly: Many well-intentioned adults shy away from naming race or skin color, thinking it avoids bias. Paradoxically, silence can make children think these differences are taboo or something to ignore. Use simple, factual language:
“Yes, her skin is a beautiful dark brown, like rich chocolate.”
“His skin is a light tan color, like mine.”
“People have many different skin colors because of something called melanin, which protects our skin from the sun. Isn’t it wonderful that we come in so many shades?”
Use accurate terminology (“Black,” “White,” “Asian,” “Indigenous”) appropriately and matter-of-factly when relevant.
3. Foster Empathy and Kindness as Core Values: Anti-racism is deeply rooted in empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Reinforce this constantly:
“How do you think she felt when that happened?”
“It hurt his feelings when that was said. What could we do to help him feel better?”
“We always try to be kind and fair to everyone, don’t we?”
Highlight examples of kindness and fairness (or unfairness) in stories and real life.
Beyond the Books: Everyday Conversations and Actions
1. Answer Questions Simply and Honestly: When your 5-year-old points out a difference (“Why is her skin darker than mine?”) or makes an observation that reveals bias (“That boy talks funny”), don’t shush them. See it as a teachable moment.
Stay Calm: Your reaction teaches them whether this is a scary topic.
Acknowledge the Observation: “You’re right, people do have different skin colors/languages/ways of doing things.”
Give Simple, Factual Information: “People come from different parts of the world, and families have different traditions and ways of speaking. Isn’t that interesting?”
Connect to Values: “What matters is that we treat everyone with kindness and respect.”
Correct Gently: If they say something hurtful (even unintentionally), gently correct: “Actually, saying someone’s hair looks ‘weird’ can hurt their feelings. Hair comes in many beautiful textures, like hers.”
2. Point Out Unfairness (and Fairness!): Five-year-olds have a strong, innate sense of fairness. Use this!
Connect to their experiences: “Remember when someone took your turn on the swing? That didn’t feel fair, did it?”
Introduce simple historical concepts very carefully: “A long time ago, rules were made that weren’t fair to people with darker skin. They weren’t allowed to do the same things or go to the same places as people with lighter skin. That was very wrong and hurtful. We work hard now to make sure things are fair for everyone.” Focus on the injustice and the ongoing work for fairness.
Celebrate examples of fairness and inclusion: “Look how everyone is sharing the blocks at the playground! That’s fair and kind.”
3. Model Inclusive Behavior: Your actions speak volumes.
Be mindful of your own language and reactions.
Choose diverse social settings and friendships for your family when possible.
Speak up respectfully against racist comments or stereotypes you encounter, even subtle ones. Your child notices.
4. Introduce Simple Concepts of Activism: Frame it as helping and making things better.
“Some people work to make sure everyone is treated fairly. They might write letters, go to meetings, or make signs to show they care.”
Read books like Say Something! by Peter H. Reynolds or We Are Water Protectors that show children standing up for what’s right.
Engage in simple actions: drawing pictures about kindness, donating books to a community center, attending a family-friendly cultural festival.
Key Resources and Communities for Parents/Caregivers:
EmbraceRace (embracerace.org): An incredible hub. Their “Resources” section is vast, including age-specific action guides (like “Tips for Talking to Children About Race” for preschoolers), booklists organized by theme and age, webinars, and a supportive community. Look specifically for their materials on early childhood.
Social Justice Books (socialjusticebooks.org): Curated lists of books for children and young adults reviewed for social justice themes, organized by topic and age. Their “Guide for Selecting Anti-Bias Children’s Books” is essential.
The Conscious Kid (theconsciouskid.org): Offers fantastic book lists, articles, and practical parenting guides focused on race, parenting, and education. Their Instagram feed is particularly engaging.
Local Libraries and Librarians: Children’s librarians are often passionate about diverse collections and can provide personalized recommendations.
Experts: Works by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum (“Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” has foundational chapters on early childhood), Dr. Ibram X. Kendi (“Antiracist Baby” is a board book introducing very simple concepts), and Dr. Erin Winkler offer deeper insights for adults guiding young children.
Remember:
It’s a Journey, Not a Lecture: Weave these concepts naturally into play, reading, and daily life. Small, consistent interactions are more powerful than infrequent, heavy talks.
Focus on Joy and Humanity: Center positive representations, shared experiences, and our common humanity while acknowledging and celebrating differences.
You Don’t Need All the Answers: It’s okay to say, “That’s a really good question. Let me think about it,” or “Let’s find a book that might help us understand that better.”
Start Where You Are: Don’t let perfection be the enemy of starting. Choosing one diverse book, naming skin color accurately, or gently correcting a bias is a meaningful step.
By providing joyful, honest, and age-appropriate resources and conversations, you equip your 5-year-old with the foundational understanding that differences are beautiful, unfairness should be challenged, and kindness is paramount. You’re planting the essential seeds for them to grow into empathetic, aware, and actively anti-racist individuals. It’s one of the most important gifts you can give them – and the world.
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