Back to School Countdown: Why I’m Burnt Out Before School Starts (And Small Things That Help)
It’s 8:12 a.m. I’m still in my pajama pants with a three-day-old coffee stain on the thigh, and I just stared down my 10-year-old when he asked if we could head to the community pool for the third day in a row. “No,” I said, and my voice came out sharper than I meant it. He blinked, shrugged, and walked back to the living room without arguing. Now I’m leaning against the kitchen counter staring at the crumpled back-to-school email that popped up in my inbox this morning, thinking the quiet thing I haven’t said out loud to anyone until now: I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
We started summer with all these soft, happy plans. We did the camping trip up north, we picked strawberries at the farm 45 minutes away, we had a weekly movie night with popcorn that left crumbs all over the couch. For the first month, it felt like magic. The last two weeks? It’s like all the air leaked out of the pool float. The kids fight over who gets the last blue popsicle for 40 minutes. They leave half-eaten granola bars under the couch that grow sticky spots I find three days later. Every time I turn around, someone has dragged a dirt-covered rock into the house or decided to cut their own bangs with kitchen scissors. I had three plans with friends canceled in two weeks because I just couldn’t wrangle two over-tired kids out the door to get there. When I saw that first day of school is 11 days away, part of me wanted to scream with joy, and the other part felt guilty for even thinking that. Aren’t I supposed to be savoring every last minute of their childhood?
I texted my sister, who’s a 3rd grade teacher, about it yesterday. I expected her to say “you’re doing great” or tell me to slow down and enjoy it. Instead, she said, “This limbo is the worst part of the year for everyone. Kids can feel the routine shifting before anyone says anything. They’re antsy, they’re testing boundaries because they don’t know what’s coming next. And you’ve been on call 24/7 for two months. Of course you’re tired.” That hit me, because no one talks about this part. All the back to school content is either “get your perfect first day photos” or “soak up every last second of summer.” No one says it’s okay to be in the middle, tired, over it, before school even starts.
I’ve been testing small, low-effort changes this week that have taken the edge off, and none of them involve a fancy date night out or a big weekend trip to reset. The first thing I did was dump the whole “make the end of summer magical” expectation. I was trying to plan one last big outing every other day because I thought I had to check all the boxes on my summer bucket list. Now, I just accept that most days are going to be messy and low-key, and I don’t feel bad about it.
I started doing 30 minutes of “quiet independent time” right after breakfast, every day. It’s not a punishment. I tell them clearly: “Pick one thing you can do without asking me for help for 30 minutes. It can be Legos, coloring, drawing on the back of old wrapping paper, whatever.” I set a timer on my phone, and I sit at the other end of the kitchen table and do whatever I want – scroll my phone, drink coffee that doesn’t get cold, pay bills, no kid interruptions. The first day, they complained and kept wandering over to ask me questions. Now they’re used to it, and yesterday my 10-year-old went 10 minutes over because he was focused on putting together a Lego truck he got for his birthday. That 30 minutes of unrushed, uninterrupted time every morning makes the rest of the day feel way more manageable.
Second, I split all back to school prep into 15-minute chunks done after the kids go to bed, instead of trying to cram it all into one big weekend trip to the store. I already tried that once – I showed up at Target with both kids, they ran in opposite directions, one begged for a $25 glitter backpack that wasn’t on the supply list, the other cried because he stepped on a loose Lego from a display bin. I left a half-full cart in the middle of the aisle and drove home, eating a granola bar in the driveway before I worked up the energy to go inside. Now, one night I pulled up the supply lists and checked off what we already had stashed in our junk closet (turns out we had 8 extra folders and 12 glue sticks from last year, I just forgot). The next night, I ordered the new sneakers they needed off Amazon, no dragging two kids to the shoe store to try on 10 pairs. Tonight, I’m going to place an order for the few extra supplies we need for same-day pickup, so I can run in alone after work one day and be done in 10 minutes. No more crying in the parking lot.
Third, I stopped hiding that I’m tired from the kids. I used to think if I admitted I was exhausted, they’d feel like they were a burden. But instead of snapping and then feeling guilty for an hour afterward, I just say it straight, in a calm voice: “I’m really tired right now from getting everything ready for school, so we’re doing a low-key day today. We can do the fun thing you want tomorrow, when I have more energy.” The other day after I said that, my 10-year-old said “I’m tired too. Summer is fun but I’m ready for school to start.” It turns out he’s feeling the weird limbo too, he just didn’t know how to put it into words.
It’s not perfect. Last night I still got mad when they dumped a whole box of Cheerios on the floor right after I mopped. I still have two more things to check off my back to school list that I keep putting off. I still feel that little twinge of guilt when I count the days down on my calendar. But this week, I stopped trying to push through and be the “fun summer mom” that everyone posts about. I’m just the tired mom in the stained pajama pants, taking it 15 minutes at a time. School will start in 11 days. Some days will be hard, some days will be easy. Right now, that’s enough.
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