Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What Worked (And What Didn’t) for My Kid
Last month, I was leaning into the open minivan door, digging around the footwell for a lost sippy cup after preschool pickup, when my 5-year-old daughter, Mia, plopped a crumpled crayon drawing into my lap. It was of our next-door neighbor, Mr. Mendez, who brings us mangoes from his tree every summer. Mia had colored his skin a warm deep brown, and her preschool aide had written a small note that said “nice drawing!” but Mia was twisting her backpack strap and wouldn’t meet my eye. “I asked if it was okay I made him brown,” she said. “Did I do something wrong?”
I fumbled through a quick answer on the drive home, but that night I sat down at my laptop and started searching for anti-racism resources for 5 year olds. What I found surprised me: most lists were full of books for middle schoolers, or long essays about concepts Mia can’t even grasp yet. I downloaded one free guide that opened with a 200-word explanation of structural racism, and I closed it after two paragraphs. No one was really breaking down what works for a kid who still thinks 100 years ago is “forever ago” and gets distracted by a butterfly mid-conversation.
I texted my friend Sarah, who’s a lead preschool teacher in our district, and she sent over three recommendations she uses in her classroom every year. I tested them out over the last month, added a couple of my own finds, and I was surprised how low-lift most of it is. I also learned a lot about what doesn’t work for this age group, so I can save other parents the trouble of ordering books that will collect dust on the shelf.
First, the misses: I bought that bestselling picture book everyone talks about that starts with “racism began when people were taken from their homes hundreds of years ago.” I got halfway through reading it, and Mia asked if we could switch to Biscuit. It’s not that the book is bad, it’s just that 5 year olds don’t process long timelines or big abstract injustices yet. They need to start with what they can see: their friends, their neighbors, the differences they notice every day. Another book I tried leaned hard into the line “we’re all the same on the inside!” Mia looked at me after and said “We’re not the same. Laila has braids and I have curly hair. Why is the book lying?” That stuck with me. Kids notice difference, and pretending we don’t see it doesn’t stop bias – it just makes them think difference is something you can’t talk about, which is the opposite of what we want.
The first win I found is The Skin You Live In, a short picture book by Michael Tyler. It doesn’t lead with heavy conversations about injustice at all. It just compares different skin tones to different foods kids already know: honey, peanut butter, toast, chocolate, cinnamon. The first time I read it, Mia jumped off the couch and started grabbing everybody’s arms: mine was “whole wheat toast,” her teddy bear’s fur was “dark chocolate,” her own arm was “creamy peanut butter.” It turned naming skin color into a game, and it took away all the awkwardness of talking about it. Now when we meet someone new, she doesn’t whisper about their skin, she just notices out loud like she would notice their sparkly shoes, which is exactly what we want.
Another great free resource I found is the set of early childhood conversation cards from the National Museum of African American History and Culture’s anti-racism initiative. You can print them for free at home, they’re just simple questions for little kids with no big words. We pull two out after dinner most nights, when we’re waiting for our cookies to cool. A common one is “What is something that makes you special?” Mia always says her ability to do a cartwheel, and then we talk about how everyone has something different that makes them special, including the color of their skin. Another one asks “What would you do if you saw someone being treated unfairly?” I don’t push her for a big answer, we just talk about simple things: ask them to play, tell a grown-up. That’s more than enough for a 5 year old.
I also love the Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood episode “Different is Beautiful” that’s on YouTube for free. It’s 12 minutes long, has silly songs, and Daniel makes a new friend who has a different skin color than him. Mia asks to watch it at least once a week, and it’s way more effective than me lecturing her, because it’s from a character she already trusts.
Last week, we were at the playground, and a little boy started teasing a new kid saying his brown skin was “dirty.” Before I could even get up from the bench, Mia walked right over, held up her arm next to his, and said “My arm is peanut butter and your arm is chocolate. Chocolate is my favorite. Wanna play tag with us?” That’s when I knew it was working. We didn’t have to have big heavy conversations to teach her to be kind. We just gave her the words to talk about difference like it’s normal, not something scary or rude.
I still don’t have it all figured out. When Mia asks harder questions later, I’ll need new resources, and I’ll definitely mess up some answers. I used to think I had to be perfect at this, that I had to have all the right information ready to go. But right now, for a 5 year old, it’s not about teaching them the full history of racism. It’s about teaching them that it’s okay to notice difference, that difference is good, and that we always stand up for people who are being treated unfairly. That’s enough for right now. Last night Mia drew a new picture of Mr. Mendez, colored his skin deep brown, and wrote “MY BEST NEIGHBOR” across the bottom in big wobbly red crayon. That’s all the progress I need for today.
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