Anti-Racism Resources Appropriate for 5 Year Olds: What Actually Works for Everyday Parenting
I was folding socks last month when my 5-year-old, Milo, slammed his worn picture book of community helpers shut on the coffee table, crumbs from his goldfish cracker snack falling between the pages. He looked up at me, eyebrows crinkled, and asked, “Why is that firefighter’s skin brown? Is that different than mine?” I stood there, holding a pair of my mismatched gym socks, and froze. I’d known this question was coming, but every resource I’d seen bookmarked for anti-racism talked about high school lessons or college reading lists. I pulled out my phone that night, searched “anti-racism resources for 5 year old” and got flooded with thinkpieces and 40-page reading guides that felt way too heavy for a kid who still can’t remember to put his shoes on the right feet.
I tried the first thing that came up: I checked out a highly recommended book from the library that talked about the civil rights movement, sat down to read it after dinner, and 10 minutes in, Milo was up chasing our cat around the living room, asking when we could build with Legos. That book was great for older kids, but it was way too much for a kid who thinks anything longer than 10 pages is a chore. Then I downloaded a free anti-racism activity pack that had worksheets about unfairness, and Milo just colored all the kids’ faces purple and asked for a popsicle. I started to think I was doing something wrong, like I wasn’t committed enough because I couldn’t get my 5 year old to sit through a big conversation.
I texted my friend Cara, who’s a pre-K teacher with a 6 year old of her own, and she invited me over for coffee. We sat on her back porch, stepping over scattered ride-on toys, and she told me the first thing I got wrong: I was looking for big, formal resources when 5 year olds learn everything through small, everyday moments. She said anti-racism for a 5 year old isn’t about teaching systemic injustice. It’s about teaching them that noticing differences is okay, that everyone gets to play, and that being different isn’t a bad thing. That’s it, for now.
She gave me a list of small, actually usable resources she uses in her classroom and at home, and I’ve been testing them for the past month, and most of them actually work. First, the books – she told me to skip the heavy history books for now, stick to short, colorful books that talk about everyday difference. The first one we got is The Skin You Live In, which is rhyming, 32 pages, has pictures of kids of all different skin tones playing together. Milo wants me to read it at bedtime twice a week, because he likes pointing out which kid has the same skin color as our neighbor Mr. Tony, who brings us extra tomatoes from his garden. The other one we love is The Name Jar, about a Korean girl who moves to the US and shares her name with her class. It’s short, has a happy ending about being proud of who you are, and Milo started asking all our friends what their name means after we read it.
Beyond books, there are tiny low-effort resources you can fit into your day without rearranging your whole schedule. Cara pointed me to a $5 set of multicultural 24-piece puzzles on Teachers Pay Teachers, each with a picture of a kid from a different background doing a normal kid thing – playing soccer, baking cookies, riding a bike. Milo does one every Saturday morning while I drink my coffee, and he’ll point out things like “Her hair is in braids just like Mia’s from the playground!” It’s not a big lesson, it’s just normalizing difference in his play, which is the way 5 year olds learn best. For mornings when we’re waiting for our toast to pop, I pull up 2-minute clips from Sesame Street’s anti-racism collection – they have little bits where Elmo talks about different skin colors, or different family structures, and it’s short enough that it doesn’t derail our morning routine.
I realized after a couple weeks that the biggest change wasn’t from the resources themselves, it was from me stopping pretending we don’t see color. Before, I’d tell Milo “we don’t talk about that” if he pointed out someone’s different skin or hair, because that’s what I was taught growing up. But that just made him think difference is something shameful, something you shouldn’t talk about. Now, we name it, just like we name different hair colors or different favorite ice creams. Last week, we had a new kid over for a playdate, Jae, who’s adopted from Vietnam, and Milo ran right up to him and said “Your eyes are shaped different than mine! That’s cool, want to play with my monster trucks?” No awkward silence, no one feeling uncomfortable, just a kid saying what he noticed, which is exactly what 5 year olds do.
I still don’t get it right all the time. Last week, I caught myself falling back on the old line “we’re all the same on the inside” after Milo pointed out a difference, and he looked up at me and said “No, we’re not. I like blue and you like purple. Jae’s skin is lighter than mine, that’s okay.” I laughed and corrected myself, said “You’re right, different is cool.” I’m still looking for new small things to add, some days we don’t touch any of these resources at all, we just spend the day at the playground or watching cartoons. It’s not a big grand project, it’s just small bits that add up.
I used to think I needed to have all the right resources and all the right words to do this right, but now I know that for a 5 year old, the best resource is just letting them talk about what they notice, and giving them small, fun things that show all kinds of kids being kids. It’s messy, I still mess up sometimes, but it’s working for us right now.
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