Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Learned As A Parent
I was wiping grape slushie off Leo’s scuffed blue rain boot last month when he looked up from his cheddar Goldfish and asked, “Why does Ms. Riley say we can’t say someone’s skin looks like a chocolate chip cookie?” The question caught me off guard. I’d spent hours scrolling posts about anti-racism work for older kids, but I’d never stopped to find resources that made sense for my 5-year-old, who still thinks the best part of any day is chasing squirrels at the park.
I went home that night and did what any parent does: I Googled “anti-racism resources appropriate for 5 year old” and immediately felt overwhelmed. Most lists were 30+ books long, full of titles that were checked out of our local library for months. The few I could get my hands on were either way too abstract – one opened with a paragraph about systemic inequity that I could barely parse, let alone read to a kid who loses interest in a 10-page picture book if there’s no dog in it – or so vague they might as well have been about anything. I tried one that kept repeating “we are all the same inside” and Leo closed it halfway through to ask if we could build a block tower. That’s when I realized I’d been approaching this all wrong.
A few days later, I mentioned my search to my sister, who’s a pre-K teacher in the city. She laughed and told me to stop looking for a fancy curriculum. 5-year-olds don’t think in systems, she said. They think in snack time, playground games, and what their friend brought for show-and-tell. Anti-racism for that age doesn’t mean teaching them the history of redlining. It means teaching them to notice differences respectfully, to be kind, and to know that all skin is good skin. That’s it.
She sent me a short list of three books she actually uses in her classroom, and I picked them up that weekend. The first was The Skin You Live In, a short rhyming book that shows kids playing together, with all different skin tones. No big speeches, just pictures of kids jumping rope and baking cookies and holding hands. Leo loved the rhymes, and asked to read it three nights in a row. The second was Last Stop on Market Street, which follows a kid riding the bus with his grandma. It’s not even a “lesson” book – it’s just a story about noticing the people around you, and finding joy in what you have. The third was Hair Love, a sweet story about a dad doing his daughter’s hair, that’s just about family, not anything else. Those three were way better than any of the 20-book lists I’d found online.
After reading those, I tried the small activity my sister suggested: I stopped by the hardware store on the way home from groceries and grabbed a handful of free paint chips in all different shades from off-white to deep espresso. That night, we spread them out on the kitchen table and matched them to our own arms. Leo found one that matched his golden-brown skin and declared his color was “honey sun.” He matched my pale arm to “vanilla cream” and his dad’s darker arm to “oak tree.” Now when he talks about skin, he uses those names instead of food, which answers the original question he asked that day after pre-K. It took 10 minutes, cost nothing, and he still talks about it. That’s way more effective than any expensive workbook I saw advertised.
I used to buy into the idea that we shouldn’t point out skin color to little kids, that “we don’t see color” is the right approach. But after doing this, I realized that’s backwards. 5-year-olds are already noticing differences. They categorize everything – shoe color, snack type, who has a toy truck vs a doll. If you don’t talk about skin color openly, they’ll still talk about it on the playground, they’ll just get their ideas from wherever, and those ideas can be wrong. It doesn’t have to be a big talk. It can just be, when you pass the fire station, “Look, that firefighter has hair just like Ms. Riley’s at school.” When you’re reading a book, “See, this kid’s skin is the color of your paint chip honey sun, same as you.” Small, casual, normal.
I’ve found that most of the best “resources” aren’t even books or printables. They’re just everyday moments. When a new kid joined our playground group who spoke Spanish and didn’t know many English words yet, I didn’t give Leo a big speech about immigration. I just said “Let’s go ask him if he wants to play on the swings with us.” When we order takeout from the Korean place down the street, I say “Mrs. Park makes the best dumplings, doesn’t she?” just like I’d say it about any other neighbor. It’s just about normalizing all different kinds of people as part of our everyday lives, which sticks way more than any formal lesson.
I also learned what to avoid. I tried one popular book that framed a white character helping a Black character as the happy ending, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t want my kid growing up thinking that anti-racism is just white people helping people who look different. I stick to books where the main character is just a kid being a kid – going to school, playing, loving their family – no stereotypes, no savior plots. That makes a bigger difference than I expected.
I still don’t have it all figured out. Last week, Leo asked why our older neighbor wouldn’t wave at my best friend, who is Black, when she came over for dinner. I fumbled for an answer, and ended up just saying “Some people haven’t learned yet that everyone deserves to be treated nicely, and that’s sad. We’re going to keep being friendly to everyone, okay.” That wasn’t a perfect answer, but it was enough for a 5-year-old right now.
I’m still looking for new stories and activities that fit, but I’ve stopped stressing about finding the perfect comprehensive resource. The small, simple, age-appropriate stuff is what sticks. You don’t need to do everything all at once. You just need to start with talking, and a few good books, and 10 minutes with some free paint chips. That’s more than enough for now.
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