Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Actually Works
It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, and I was juggling a gallon of milk, a bag of clementines, and my 5-year-old Lila’s sticky hand at the grocery store checkout when it happened. She craned her neck to look at our cashier, who had beautiful long braids and deep brown skin, and asked, loud enough for the whole line to hear, “Mommy, why is her skin darker than mine?” I felt my face heat up. The cashier just smiled and said “No worries, kiddo” but I mumbled an apology anyway, packed up our groceries, and herded Lila out to the car. That night, after I put her to bed, I opened my laptop. I needed anti-racism resources for a 5 year old—nothing too heavy, nothing that would go over her head, just something that would help me answer these questions before I fumbled them again.
I spent an hour scrolling that night, sipping cold coffee that I’d forgotten to reheat, and most of what I found was useless. Half the results were books and lesson plans for middle schoolers talking about systemic injustice that Lila can’t even begin to wrap her head around. The other half was just generic “teach kindness” fluff that didn’t actually address the questions she’s already asking. I’d bought into the myth for a long time that little kids don’t see color, so I didn’t need to talk about it. That night I realized how wrong that was: Lila notices differences, same as she notices that one kid in her class has a wheelchair and another has two dads. If I don’t frame those differences as normal and good, she’ll pick up the unspoken messages that they’re something to be quiet about, or something wrong.
A few days later I texted my friend who teaches pre-K at the local community center, and she sent over a short list of things she uses in her classroom. I tested all of them over the last month, and I’ve been surprised how well most work, once you stop overthinking it.
First, the books that actually stick. I tried Ibram X. Kendi’s Antiracist Baby board book because everyone talks about it, and it’s fine to have on the shelf, but most of the concepts went right over Lila’s head. She likes the pictures, but she doesn’t get lines about challenging unfairness. The two that she asks to read over and over are way simpler. The Skin You Live In is a short rhyming book that compares skin to a favorite jacket—talks about all the different shades, how it fits you perfectly, and that every color is good. It’s 10 pages long, which fits a 5 year old’s attention span, and there’s no scary stuff, just celebration of difference. The other is Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña. It’s a story about a kid riding the bus with his grandma, and it subtly talks about noticing what other people have, and the beauty of different communities. Lila just thinks it’s a sweet story about a boy getting cookies with his grandma, but it gets the idea of difference and belonging in without feeling like a lesson.
Beyond books, the best stuff is just small changes to our daily routine, no fancy expensive resources needed. I used to have a bin of puzzles that were all princesses and farm animals, so I added an $8 24-piece puzzle of kids from all over the world playing soccer. When we put it together on rainy afternoons, we just comment naturally: “Look, that girl has braids like Ms. Rita at the library. That boy has really curly hair like your cousin.” No big speech, just normalizing that people look different, and we all like the same things. I also found a free Spotify playlist called “Kids’ Songs Around the World” that we listen to while we color or make toast for breakfast. Last week Lila was singing a folk song in Swahili under her breath while she drew a picture of our dog, and then asked why the words don’t sound like English. I just told her people grow up learning different words in different places, and it’s fun to hear new ones. That was the whole conversation, and that was enough.
I did learn one really important thing through this: if your kid points out someone’s difference in public, don’t shush them. That’s the mistake I made at the grocery store. Shushing sends the message that there’s something wrong with that person’s skin or hair, that talking about it is rude. Now, if Lila asks a question out loud, I just answer simply. The line I use is: “People have all different colors of skin, just like we all have different colors of eyes and hair. Isn’t that cool?” That’s it. No more, no less. Nine times out of ten, that’s all the answer a 5 year old wants. They don’t need a lecture on history right then.
Not everything worked, of course. I downloaded a pack of free anti-racism coloring worksheets that someone recommended online, and Lila just colored all the hands rainbow and didn’t have any clue what the page was supposed to be about. A 30-minute short film about friendship across differences was way too long for her, she got up and went to get her doll house 10 minutes in. The key for 5 year olds is that it can’t be a big “lesson” that you sit them down for. It has to be part of the regular stuff you do every day.
I also stopped trying to replace all of Lila’s old books all at once. Most of her favorite storybooks feature kids that look like her, and that’s fine. I just add one new diverse book a month to our collection, so slowly our shelf shows all kinds of kids having all kinds of regular adventures—birthday parties, trips to the park, baking cookies with grandma. That’s low effort, low cost, and it works better than overhauling everything at once.
I still don’t have it all figured out. Last week I caught myself commenting on a little girl’s hair at the playground in a way that made it feel like a novelty, and I had to correct myself mid-sentence. As Lila gets older, we’ll need harder conversations and different resources. Right now, though, this works: simple books, small daily changes, answering questions honestly instead of ignoring them. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start, and that’s all you can ask for when you’re raising a 5 year old.
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