Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Actually Works
I was folding matching socks on the couch last Tuesday when Lila, my 5-year-old, crunched a Goldfish cracker and said, “Mia’s skin is browner than mine. Why?” Mia started at Lila’s preschool two weeks prior, and up until that point, Lila hadn’t said a word about her skin. I paused mid-sock fold, because I knew I didn’t want to fumble this. I’d heard a hundred times that brushing off questions about race sends the wrong message, that it teaches kids difference is something bad to be hidden. But when I opened my laptop that night to look for resources to help me talk about this with a 5-year-old, I came up mostly empty.
Most of what popped up was either too heavy, or too abstract. There were books marketed as “preschool-appropriate” that centered stories of racial violence and segregation that my kid doesn’t have the context to process, not yet. There were thinkpieces for parents that didn’t point me to any actual things I could do or use with a kid who still thinks 10 minutes is a very long time. One site said I needed to redo my entire bookshelf by the end of the month, which felt a little ridiculous when I’m still struggling to rotate Lila’s winter clothes into the closet. I spent an hour scrolling, frustrated, wondering why it felt so hard to find something that meets a 5-year-old where they are.
I started simple: I grabbed every book labeled for 4-8 year olds about race and difference from our local library, tested them out at bedtime story time. The ones that stuck were the simplest ones, by far. The Skin You Live In is my top pick: it rhymes, talks about holding hands, playing tag, and just points out that every skin is a different beautiful shade. No big speeches, no scary stories. All Are Welcome is next, it’s set in a preschool classroom, shows kids bringing different food, wearing different clothes, playing together. Lila points out the kid with the same rainbow boots as her every time we read it. I tried Antiracist Baby and honestly, it’s a little silly for me, but Lila loves yelling the call-and-response lines, so it stays on the shelf.
The best thing we did didn’t even come from a book, it was a cheap activity I saw mentioned in a tiny parenting forum I lurk on. I grabbed a pack of washable tempera paint, white, brown, yellow, and red, and we got out paper plates to mix shades to match our own hands. Lila mixed hers and held it up, proud, said hers was “vanilla with a drop of coffee.” She mixed one that matched Mia’s and declared it was “chocolate chip cookie dough.” That conversation was way more useful than any book I could have read. She got to see, with her own hands, that difference is just a little mix of paint, nothing scary or secret.
I realized something after that day. For 5-year-olds, anti-racism doesn’t mean teaching them what systemic oppression is, or asking them to unpack centuries of harm. That’s work for us as parents, not for kids who can’t yet add past the number 10. What 5-year-olds need is permission to talk about the differences they already see. A lot of us were taught to say “it’s rude to talk about people’s skin,” and that makes total sense, but what that actually teaches kids is that skin color is something bad that you can’t mention, which makes difference feel weird and loaded. Just letting them ask questions, and answer simply, is half the battle.
I picked up one book about the civil rights movement that was marketed for young kids, and Lila got upset when it showed people being turned away from a playground because of their skin. She kept asking why the grown-ups were so mean, and I couldn’t explain it in a way that didn’t scare her. I put it on the top shelf of my closet, and I’ll get it out in three or four years when she’s ready. There’s no rush to get to every hard topic right now.
A week after our paint project, Lila came home from preschool bouncing. She told me that a boy on the playground wouldn’t let Mia go down the slide because she “looked different.” Lila walked over, grabbed Mia’s hand, and said “she can play on my slide.” That’s the whole point, isn’t it? That’s anti-racism for a 5-year-old: noticing when someone’s left out, and asking them to play. No big terms, just kindness that they can actually act on.
I’ve found a few other small, low-effort things that work. Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood has an episode about a new kid who moves from another country, and it’s just a sweet story about making friends, no heavy stuff. I keep an eye out for kids books that just have diverse main characters living regular life—stories about going to the park, having a birthday, not just stories about race. That normalizes difference way more than only talking about it once a year.
I still check the library’s new release shelf every time I go, looking for new things to try. I mess up sometimes. Last week I caught myself starting to say “we don’t see color” before I stopped myself, and Lila looked at me like I was crazy, because of course we see color. We corrected it, and moved on. It’s not perfect. But right now, the small stuff works: mixing paint, reading stories about kids being kids, letting them ask questions without making them feel silly for noticing. Last night Lila asked if we can invite Mia over for chocolate chip cookies this weekend. I said yes. That’s all the work we need to do right now. We’ll figure the rest out as we go.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Found That Actually Works