Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What Actually Works
The sticky vanilla was already dripping down my wrist when my 5-year-old Leo leaned into my side, loud enough for the man in front of us to turn around, and whispered, “Mommy. Why is his skin darker than mine?” It was 82 degrees, we’d just walked three blocks from preschool, and I’d been mentally planning grocery pick-up for ten minutes. I froze. I’d read a dozen posts about talking to kids about race, but all of them were for middle schoolers or teens. No one had told me what to say when the question comes at 3:30 p.m. in line for ice cream, when your kid can’t even sit still for a 10-minute story yet.
I mumbled something quick that day—something about people being made of all different colors, like how our socks are all different but they all keep your feet warm—got our cones, and sat down on the curb. That night, I sat on the couch with my laptop and typed the exact thing into Google: “anti-racism resources appropriate for 5 year old.” I got a flood of results: dense reading lists with books about the civil rights movement, printable activity packs with complicated discussion prompts, even outlines for parents that felt like they were meant for a high school class. After an hour of scrolling, I closed my laptop. I didn’t need a curriculum. I needed things that would make sense to a kid who still thinks the moon follows him home.
I started asking other parents and Leo’s preschool teacher, and I tested a bunch of stuff over the last couple months. Some of it was a total flop, some of it has stuck around as part of our normal routine.
First, the books. The first one I found that actually worked is The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler. It rhymes, it’s only 30-some pages, and it just talks about skin—compares different shades to everything from peanut butter to peaches to coffee, ends with saying all skin fits the person inside it, and we all play and laugh the same. No talk of hate, no talk of distant history, just a simple celebration of difference. Leo asks for it once a week at bedtime, and he likes pointing out which shade matches his skin, which matches mine, which matches our next door neighbor Mr. Henderson who’s Black. I tried another popular anti-racism picture book that talked about unfair rules from a hundred years ago, and after we finished it Leo just looked at me and said, “Why would they not let kids play together?” I tried to explain, and I could see his eyes glaze over. It was too much. 5 year olds don’t understand big systems of unfairness yet—they just understand playing, being nice, and things that are right in front of them. Books for this age need to stick to that. Another one that’s worked well is Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña, which follows a boy on a bus ride through the city and points out all the different kinds of people and lives around him, no heavy speeches, just gentle curiosity.
Then, the small, everyday stuff that doesn’t feel like a “lesson.” I ordered a pack of Crayola Colors of the World crayons for $5 off Amazon, and swapped out our old broken pack of 24. Before that, Leo would color every person’s skin the same light peach crayon, even when he was drawing Mr. Henderson. Now he spends five minutes picking out the right shade for whoever he’s drawing, and he thinks it’s the coolest thing ever that there are 24 different skin colors to pick from. It’s such a tiny thing, but it teaches him that difference matters enough to be represented, without any talking from me. We also just make a point to talk about our friends and neighbors like their backgrounds are normal, because they are. When we go to Mr. Henderson’s for grilled corn every summer, I’ll say “Remember how Mr. Henderson grew up in Jamaica, and he brings back those yummy mango candies for you?” That’s it, no big lesson, just a casual reminder that people come from all different places and that’s fun.
I also don’t shush him when he points out difference in public. That’s the biggest change I made, and it didn’t cost anything. Before that ice cream day, I would’ve panicked and shushed him for pointing out someone’s skin color, because I didn’t want to be rude. But Leo’s teacher told me that 5 year olds are just learning to sort the world into categories—they notice difference in the same way they notice blue bikes vs red bikes, or curly hair vs straight hair. If you shush them for talking about it, they learn that difference is something scary or rude to talk about, instead of just normal. Now, when he asks a question out loud, I just answer it simply, right there. If it’s a question I can’t answer simply, I say “That’s a really good question, and we’ll talk more about that when you’re bigger.” That’s it. No fuss, no awkwardness.
For screen time, I’ve got two go-tos that are way better than any random video: a 15-minute Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood episode where Daniel makes friends with a new neighbor who looks different from him, and a 2-minute Sesame Street song about all different kinds of skin. I put them on occasionally while I’m stirring pasta or folding laundry, and Leo doesn’t even realize it’s a “lesson”—he just likes the songs and the characters.
Last week, we were at the library, and Leo pulled The Skin You Live In off the shelf and sat down on the community couch next to a little girl with brown braids to read it out loud. Her mom was sitting across from us, and she smiled as he stumbled over the bigger words. When he got to the end, he looked up at the little girl and said “Your skin is the color of the chocolate sprinkles I get on my ice cream. That’s my favorite.” She laughed, and they went off to play with the puzzle table together.
I still don’t do everything right. Last week, Leo asked why a character in his cartoon said someone couldn’t play because of how they looked, and I fumbled the answer, changed the subject a little because I didn’t know how to explain it to a 5 year old. I don’t think we need to get everything right right now. The point isn’t to teach my 5 year old everything there is to know about racism, it’s to give him a start: to teach him that difference is normal, that talking about it is okay, and that everyone gets to play, no matter what they look like. The best resources I found aren’t the fancy expensive ones. They’re the small, simple things that fit right into our everyday life, right where he is right now.
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