Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: Parent Tested Tips and Picks
The slide was still warm from the mid-September sun when my 5-year-old Lila came barrelling over to me, half-empty apple juice box sloshing in her hand. She’d just finished a game of tag with Mia, the new 5-year-old who moved into the house down the street two weeks prior. “Mom,” she said, loud enough for Mia’s mom to hear over the other kids yelling on the swings, “why is Mia’s skin darker than mine?” I nearly spilled my iced coffee down my front. I’d known this question was coming, of course. I’d seen dozens of posts about talking to kids about racism, but most of the resources I found were for older elementary kids, or so heavy-handed Lila would lose interest before the first page. I’d been putting off sorting through age-appropriate options, and now I was on the spot.
I knelt down and gave her the simplest answer I could think of on the fly, then went home that night determined to sort through the chaos of online lists and find what actually works for a kid her age. I requested a dozen books from the library, tested out a handful of free online activities, and quickly learned that most of what’s marketed as “anti-racism for kids” misses the mark for 5-year-olds. One book tried to explain the history of segregation to a room full of kids who still can’t remember to put their socks in the hamper, and by page three Lila was asking if we could get ice cream. Another just repeated “racism is bad” over and over, with no connection to anything she encounters in her daily life. I started to wonder if maybe 5 was too young to dive into this at all, until I remembered being 5 myself: I asked my mom the exact same question about a new classmate, and she told me not to talk about it, because it was rude. That quiet rule stuck with me for years, making me think difference was something shameful to ignore, not talk about. I didn’t want that for Lila.
After a week of testing, I found a handful of low-friction, age-appropriate resources that actually fit how a 5-year-old thinks. First, and most useful, is The Skin You Live In by Michael Tyler. It’s short, written in bouncy rhymes, and compares different skin tones to things a 5-year-old actually knows: coffee, peanut butter, honey, cream. It doesn’t get into heavy history, it just points out that everyone’s skin is different, just like everyone’s laugh or favorite snack is different, and all of it is good. Lila brought it to our next playdate, showed Mia all the different shades, then held her arm up next to Mia’s and said “you’re the color of my favorite chocolate milk!” It was a little awkward, but it was honest, and no one was upset. That’s exactly what I wanted.
Another hit is Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña. It’s a story about a boy riding the bus with his grandma through the city, and it naturally shows all different kinds of people with different lives, without turning every page into a lesson. It ends with them volunteering at a soup kitchen, and the core message is that we all have something to give, no matter what we look like or where we live. Lila asks to read it three times a week before bed, and she always points out the main character’s curly hair that looks just like Mia’s.
Resources don’t have to be books, either. I picked up a $5 pack of Crayola multicultural crayons from Target on a whim, and it’s become one of the most useful tools I have. Before, Lila just used peach crayon for every person’s skin in her drawings, no matter who they were. Now she matches the shade to her friend’s skin, and it’s just a normal part of drawing. It doesn’t require a big talk, just a small shift in the supplies we have in our art bin. I also found short 2-minute clips from Sesame Street on YouTube talking about skin color, and we watch them while we wait for our toast to cool in the morning. Lila loves Elmo, so when Elmo says all skin is good skin, she just absorbs it without me having to force a lesson.
What I’ve learned through all this searching is that for 5-year-olds, anti-racism work doesn’t need to be complicated or heavy. 5-year-olds think in concrete terms, they only understand what they see in their own daily lives. The biggest mistake I almost made was shushing Lila’s question, because that would have taught her that difference is something scary or rude to talk about. Instead, answering her simply, giving her books that normalize difference, and having art supplies that reflect all the people she knows is more than enough right now. When she points out that all the princesses on her cereal box are white with blonde hair, I don’t give her a 20-minute lecture. I just say “You’re right, that’s too bad. There are lots of princesses with brown skin and black hair too, aren’t there?” That’s all she needs to hear at this age.
Last week, Lila hung a big drawing of all her playgroup friends on the fridge, each with a different colored skin, all holding hands. I still don’t have all the answers. When she gets to first grade, she’ll see unfair things I can’t hide from her, and she’ll ask harder questions, and I’ll have to find new resources to meet her where she is. I still worry I’ll say the wrong thing sometimes. But for right now, these small, simple resources work. They don’t overwhelm her, they answer her questions, and they let her grow up seeing difference as normal, not something to avoid. That’s enough for a 5-year-old, I think.
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