Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Tried That Actually Worked
It was 90 degrees out, and my 5-year-old Lila was bouncing on her heels behind me in the ice cream truck line, already begging for extra sprinkles, when she pointed at the dad in front of us and said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Mom, why is his skin darker than mine?” I mumbled a quick “Everyone’s skin is different, that’s just how it is” and distracted her with a promise of rainbow sprinkles, but the whole walk home I was thinking I’d dropped the ball. I knew I wanted to raise Lila to be kind, to stand up when people are treated unfairly, but I had no idea where to start with resources that made sense for a kid who still can’t remember to put her socks on the right feet.
I googled “anti-racism resources for 5 year old” that night, just like I knew I would. What I found was overwhelming. There were long lists of young adult novels, articles explaining how to talk about systemic injustice that referenced events Lila would never understand, and $40 activity kits that looked like they were designed for middle schoolers. I ordered one highly recommended picture book that talked about centuries of oppression, and Lila looked at the first three pages, asked if we could read her Fancy Nancy book instead, and that was that. I knew I was doing something wrong.
I brought it up at Lila’s parent-teacher conference a week later. Ms. Rita, her preschool teacher who’s been doing this for 32 years, just laughed and said most parents get this wrong. She told me 5-year-olds are concrete thinkers. They don’t get abstract concepts. All they understand is “this is fair, this is not fair” and “everyone gets to play.” Any resource that’s trying to teach them anything more complicated than that is wasted on them. That made so much sense, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it myself.
She gave me a short list of things that actually work, and I’ve tried them for two months now, and most of them stick. First, the books that don’t feel like lessons. She recommended The Skin You Live In, which is a short, rhyming picture book that talks about all the things skin does – holds your insides in, lets you hug your people, runs and plays – and just shows kids with all different skin tones having fun. No big speeches, no sad parts. Lila asks to read it once a week, just because she likes the pictures of kids jumping rope. The other one she recommended is Last Stop on Market Street, which is a story about a boy riding the bus with his grandma. It talks about noticing different people in the community, and it’s just a good story, not a preachy lecture about racism. Lila likes the part where the kid gets a lollipop at the end.
Then, the small, cheap stuff you can add to your everyday routine that doesn’t require sitting down for a formal lesson. First, Crayola’s Colors of the World crayon set, which is $4 at Target. Before that, Lila only had the standard 16-pack, and every person she drew had peachy-pink skin. Now she has 24 different skin tones, and she’ll spend 10 minutes picking the right color for every person she draws – her Black dance teacher, my Mexican cousin, her best friend who’s half Korean. It’s just a normal part of drawing now, no big fanfare.
I also swapped out her set of wooden play people for her playhouse. The original set I got when she was 2 was all pale skin; even the “different” ones were just a slightly darker peach. I got a 24-piece set with all different skin tones and hair colors for $12 on Amazon, and now when she plays tea party, everyone gets a seat. Last week I heard her tell one of her dolls “You can’t sit here? That’s not okay, everyone gets a turn” and I just smiled – that’s the whole point, isn’t it?
I tried that $20 Etsy anti-racism activity pack everyone was talking about on Instagram, and that was a total flop. The worksheets were way too advanced, Lila just colored outside the lines and asked for goldfish crackers. I think that’s the thing: most fancy, expensive resources aren’t made for 5 year olds. They’re made for parents to feel like they’re doing something.
The best lesson I picked up along the way is that you don’t need to have all the answers. When Lila asks a question about why someone looks different, I just answer it simply, instead of changing the subject or shushing her. Shushing her teaches her that difference is something awkward to avoid, but answering simply teaches her it’s okay to notice, and okay to talk about. Last week at the grocery store, she asked a Black woman why her braids had sparkly beads, and I just waited instead of panicking. The woman laughed and showed Lila the beads, Lila said they were pretty, and we moved on. No big lesson needed.
I’m still looking for new things that work, honestly. Some days I forget to point out the different characters in her favorite show, some days I avoid a question because I’m in a hurry to get dinner on the table. It’s not perfect, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be. The point isn’t to turn a 5 year old into an activist, it’s just to give them small, normal ways to see difference as a good thing, and unfairness as something that shouldn’t happen. That’s enough for right now.
Please indicate: Thinking In Educating » Age-Appropriate Anti-Racism Resources for 5 Year Olds: What I Tried That Actually Worked